Dear People Who Don't Get it When I Say I'm NOT INTERESTED in Having Children,
Perhaps you aren't aware of it, but we live in an era where,
what a woman decides to do with her body is no longer an undebatable issue as dictated by the patriarchal majority and stiff,
uptight, puritanical other women with antiquated beliefs, who still
think their SOLE purpose is to procreate.
Spare me your, "Oh, you're going to be a miserable, lonely old lady"
and "Who will take care of you in your old age" arguments, because my ovaries and future as a senior citizen are my business. Vain attempts at browbeating me into pregnancy wont work. They only serve as comic relief and makes it oh so easy for me to become antagonistic and come back with a sharp yet witty retort. Your ignorance and narrow mindedness also prompts me to research the many ways in which I CAN'T reproduce. Hysterectomy anybody? Who knows someone? Hit me up.
I respect the fact that you've made the decision (purposely or otherwise- SUPRIIISE, guess he didn't pull out in time!) to have a child or
children. I think many madres are great and do a WONDERFUL job. I commend you, because childrearing is one of the most difficult and underrated jobs. Hey, I'm the product of a woman who decided to be a mother. My
sisters are mothers. Jesus has a mama, and finally I've met the acquaintance of many mother F'ers, and neither of those realizations or chance encounters have prompted me to wanna run
out and find a sperm donor. To the contrary, in fact.
Dispute me if you must and not that it's any of your damn concern, but at 30 years old, if I was ever meant to be
someone's mom, I think I would have made it happen at this juncture in my life.
I can barely tolerate menstrual cramps, charley horses, and pre-menstrual bloat, so why would I put myself through the discomfort of pregnancy? I'm also a mercurial woman, whose temperament is ofttimes unpredicatable, depending on how each month plays itself out (some weeks are more tolerable than others). So the last thing I need to grapple with is Post-Partum Depression.
"Oh, but you'll make a GREAT mother!" some of you argue. As YouTube celebrity Chris Crocker says and for
your own good,
BITCH, PUHLEEZE!"
Just because I utilize the common sense my mother instilled in me and make rational decisions, doesn't necessarily mean I'm maternal and should run out and have a whole cadre of children. Pregnancy and motherhood serve as an inconvenience to the many things I enjoy or want to accomplish. Caffeine, wine, debaucherous behavior, spirits, galavanting and wanting to do whatever the hell else I want to do, at a moment's notice.
Selfish? Probably. But you know what else is selfish? Women who are uncertain about motherhood and will ignorantly squire children all over the place, with irresponsible men, knowing they don't have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of. And who forfeit their maternal rights, leaving the foster care system responsible for their babies, which results in many neglected and homeless children. It's also selfish and backward of women to verbally flog other women for not wanting chilluns. So the eff what if I have "child-birthing hips!" How DARE you?!?....
Look, essentially me being without child is my prerogative. I don't owe an explanation to anybody. And you needn't explain the ways in which I'm selfish or foolish for being unapologetic about being not wanting children. I'm sick of defending myself against ignorant rants about me needing to prepare myself for a life loneliness. Loneliness is, as pathetic does. And I'm neither. I don't want a small human pushing its way out of my vagina. It's just that simple. Deal with it.
10 comments
Run it girl. My wife and I have been childless for our 32 years of marriage and expect to remain so. We are DINKS (Dual Income No Kids) and proud of it. When we get the selfish line we come back...No what is selfish is breeding children to saddle them with the responsibility of taking care of you ass in old age rather than making provisions to take care of yourself.
Can I have a child for selfish reasons...who else will cut the grass and wash my car when I don't feel like it?
Too true. Having children is not a leisurely activity, damn it! I think that people feel entitled to having kids when there are plenty already on Earth that need to be cared for and have no one doing it properly. I think that we are living in an age where more people should consider NOT HAVING ANY KIDS instead of automatically assuming they'll have SOME. I may have a baby or I may not, however, I will still lead a happy and fulfilling life either way. Perhaps if people filled their lives with doing good things for others we'd see fewer unhappy children and more prosperity for the current citizens of the world. I'm always fascinated that people feel they have the right to say ridiculous things like, "You'll be lonely in your old age"...ummm...I see people that are old and lonely AND THEY HAVE 10 KIDS!!! Kids aren't accessories...they aren't THINGS we're ENTITLED TO HAVE...everyone should not parent and, more importantly, everyone doesn't have the DESIRE to parent!!! Losers need to shut the hell up!
Cat
I have the desire only about 20% of the time. The other 80% we just are way too... well, selfish, if that's what people want to call it. ;) We just want to live our lives the way we see fit.
Sorry you get judgmental people yapping at you about this. It's none of their business nor is it fair.
do you babygurl ;-)
Coffee, since I was a little girl, I've said that I don't want children. I guess it's because of my strong personality and mean mug that very few people have dared to verbally attack for my desire to remain childfree.
For the last few months, I find myself watching children more but whenever I hear a child cutting up in the store I say to myself, thank God I don't have children.
Futhermore, I am not married and refuse to become a single mother unless it's a result of adoption.
I will add to what Cat said by mentioning that during my time at a senior citzen home many of the residents had children who never or rarely visited.
Oh how I would like to go back in time and just let nature prevail. My husband had no sperm -- from chemo treatments -- so we used donor sperm for our two wonderful boys. Only problem -- hubby died five years ago, and I'm left trying to figure out what to do now. Ugh. It's not always easy explaining that dead daddy wasn't 100% daddy, that there was some nice man who donated his sperm.....ugh So I started my own blog www.widowgonewild.wordpress.com to help me get to the part of the story where I'm trying to explain the donor sperm stuff.
people are really dumb to think they should weigh in on you and your reproductive plans or lack thereof.
I had an Aunt who wanted kids badly. They couldn't have any. How awful she and her husband must have felt when people got in their business about why they didn't have kids.
Did you ever read Freakonomics? The authors have a fascinating theory about planned parenthood. ;)
Hi Coffee, this is your big sister! What up! I read your email and I completely respect and agree with you about making the decision to not have children. Especially in this day. While children are a blessing and definitely a gift from God, as I have two living and two in heaven. It is very difficult having children not only physical pain (e.g. I'm still have aches and pains from my most recent delivery), but there's mental, emotional and let's not forget FINANCIAL responsibilty that comes with having children. Once you have kids everything changes in your life. You have to be willing to be self-less once you have kids, because it stops being about you. There's more to having a baby than the glamour of just saying you're a mom. I was just reading an article and saw on the news about these teenagers having babies on purpose in Glousester, MA.http://www.time.com/time/world/article/0,8599,1815845,00.html?cnn=yes. My heart is so full with sadness that I can't even explain the feeling. I'm a parent with a teenager in high school and to even think that this type of stuff goes on in some of their minds just blows me away. I'm thankful and prayerful that my daughter sees how hard it is for her father and I and I've taught her and am teaching her to love her body and have self-respect. Once again the media and everyone else is trying to blame this recent epidemic on recent movies Juno and Knocked up. Where does the parent's involvement come in. Do they sit down and talk candidly to their girls about how it is to have children? About loving their bodies. There's so much more for these young girls than being a baby mamma! These girls are actually planning to have kids and raise them together. They are even going as far as having babies by homeless men. Yes - MEN that are homeless. Did they think about the fact that their own parents who are taking care of them will also have another mouth to feed. Now having babies are a gift from God, but it's the irresponsible relationships that are mistakes and the major problem here. These girls don't seem to know their self-worth and they are looking for something that they are not finding at home. So 2 thumbs up to you coffee for making the right decisions! More young women need to do that.
-Be blessed!
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