Leave Me Alone!

Black women. We've been labeled as Mammies, Jezebels, Golddiggers, Undesirables, and now Tragic Figures?  Yes, 2010 seems to be The year of years to bash Black women, in yet another redundant cycle of trash talk about why we are, the way we are. Some might read this post and disagree, but then those of you who do probably aren't Black women and are whispering under your breath for me to shut my gob because, Michelle Obama is this country's First Lady. It's just that simple, really. *insert side eye here.* 
It seems as if every publication I read, or program I watch has an article or segment discussing why Black women are single. Forget the construction of the pyramids or the Bermuda Triangle. ... Black women being single in high numbers seem to be the mystery du jour! To hell with finding a cure for AIDS or getting over this country's health care, job, and economic crises. Black women are single and it's our own fault. The world needn't be bogged down worrying about the important issues... but should mull over my love life instead. You see, Black women... we're just too driven and unyielding. We're difficult to please and our need to find our place in the world and plant our flag is off-putting... apparently. How dare we try to better ourselves or even entertain the notion of having (insert danger music here!)... EXPECTATIONS. Not to mention we aren't trying nearly as hard enough to look like the vixens in the rap and R&B videos. 
According to these articles, newsreels, blogs, and public forums of the like, seems like the only, and I mean THE ONLY way Black women can reconcile being tragically single is to date White men, and ONLY White men. This White Knight In-waiting, will apparently salvage what's left of our lonely years, and is a last resort to prevent us from dying alone with nothing more than a house filled with cats, all of which would undoubtedly nibble away at our rotting corpses. To hell with dating someone who has mutual interests, regardless of his skin color or ethnicity. Who cares if you like various types of men from all walks of life, with GREAT PERSONALITIES, or if you're even interested in going that route? Racial/Ethnic fetishization is definitely the solution to our habitual singledom! Non?  *shrugs*
Listen, I don't know why my sex and dating habits have become public fodder for the media and various other men and people to pick apart and scrutinize. I guess the fact that many Black women aren't rocking back and forth in a corner or curled up under the covers in a fetal position, because no one has "put a ring on it"... or aren't bemoaning the fact that we're single or unmarried doesn't occur to those of you doing the judging and marking ticks in your little notebooks. We aren't the only group of women who live singly, however, our White counterparts are merely single, looking, and living footloose and fancy free a la 'Sex And The City.' They're simply exploring their options and building their careers until Mr. Big catches their eye and having a great time playing the field in the interim. Why can't this simply be the case for Black single women as well? Why are we scraping the earth for scraps, clucking around like confused chickens... looking for any remnants of a good man... rather than just exploring infinite possibilities and having fun too? 
Everyone's an armchair anthropologist or sociologist these days, especially when it comes to Black female sexuality. Our femininity... our desirability is constantly up for debate. Men (especially) have mucho jokes and take low brow swipes for days talking about our appearance, our attitudes, and our personalities. Residents holed up in their glass houses, throwing stones. Black women aren't good enough because we want better... or at least according to Black male comedians and social critics turned dating experts, with dubious track records of their own.
I've grown tired from reading these statistics about the numbers of Black women who aren't hitched. Why is this even newsworthy? Why is anybody still single in this complex era of love and dating rules? Moreover, why am I being told to date this type of man or that type of man... do *this* with your body, but not *that* by critics who can't even fathom... who don't even know my core and all of its wonderful complexities? 
Men, the media, and so called experts on Black female sexuality can tout off a long list of reasons why Black women are single and the primary, b.s. song is that our standards are too high. The last time I checked, having standards (within reason), is a common thing to expect. Men also are notorious for having outlandish standards, and those very same standards could also be indicative of why many of them are hopelessly single and are prompted to fly overseas to woo desperate and eager foreign women. Most of those who're anti-standards seem to be sub-par to mediocre at best and so complain the loudest about a Black woman's high standards.
At the end of the day, I'm single because I've chosen to be. Because I'm preoccupied with various other things in my life that fulfill me or keep me too busy to lament over such nonsense. Perhaps it's also attributed to my impetuous and overly sophisticated bon-mots and risqué coquetries... perhaps not. I'd like to think I'm a little more multi-layered than most would have me be. 
No one has the right to dictate the reasons why so many Black women in America are single, and claim it as fact. There is no one, fundamental reason why. It just is, what it is. We aren't some abnormal sub-species. And anyway, mind your own damn business. That is all.


Dee said...


people just want someone/somegroup to feel sorry for I think

Amadeo said...

I think they aren't being realistic with statistics. How many are gay? How many don't want to get married? How many are divorced? How many aren't ready to get married? The only thing that is true is that women will buy and read these article/magazines.

Anonymous said...

Black women are the ones going on t.v. making these news stories about how there are no black men available for them. The problem arises because all these accomplished black women have, for as long as i can remember, speicified that they wanted to date accomplished BLACK men. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to crunch some numbers to realize that there simply arent' enough black men to fulfill their quotas. Black women are notorious for not wanting to date outside their race, all that "big dick, strong black man, my brotha" bulshit, so you dont' have to be a genius to figure out that wih the incareration rates of black men and then the number of them who perfer white women, who don't smoke crack, who aren't gay, and who are equally as accomplished as their black female counterparts, these women truly are in a quandry. And yes, they should date white men because white men are the only ones who will appreciate them for themselves. It's pretty obvious how much black women hate themselves: they'd rather spend thousands of $ to look like white women just to be able to comfortable being around white people, meanwhile their children coud've used that money for some tutoring. Black women smell like chemicals. They put so much chemicals in their hair, skin, nails and makeup ALL to look white and all because they hate themselves. White men will accept and love them without all that shit. Oh, and black women are mean as snakes, evidenced by the tone of your article. They're always "you can't talk to me like that!" and always overly concerned with HOW someone says something, instead of what they acutally say....gimme a break

TiffJ said...

It's pretty obvious how much black women hate themselves: they'd rather spend thousands of $ to look like white women just to be able to comfortable being around white people, meanwhile their children coud've used that money for some tutoring. Black women smell like chemicals.

Wow, spoken like a true person used to making blanket statements and generalizations, as evidenced by the tone of *your* comment.
First of all... suggesting that Black women date outside their race as a last resort is bullshit! Plain and simple. To suggest that interracial dating is confined to Black/White couplings is also ludicrous. Dating outside one's race out of desperation is a recipe for disaster, period. Otherwise, I don't recall saying there was anything wrong with dating interracially, as I've dated across the board.

Furthermore, my dating life, ONCE AGAIN, is no one's business. The fact that a certain number of Black women aren't married is *not* newsworthy. Who cares?
"Black women are mean as snakes"?
Damn, who pissed you off. You sound really resentful and angry.

lav said...

Wow, that anonymous person sounds like a black man scorned! Too bad he sounds like a typical person with tons of stereo types for his own kind. I wonder what his black mother, grandmother and aunts would have to say if they knew he felt this way. Oh well he must of forgotten he derived from a black woman. And furthermore, white women smell like chemicals too because they get their nails done and get chemicals in their hair as well. They also use chemicals on their skin so that they can look younger, remove wrinkles, remove brown spots and use spray on tan chemicals so that they can look darker. So he probably shouldn't generalize unless he knows the full picture of women in general whether black or white. Poor black man scorned...get a clue!

TiffJ said...

Black women are notorious for not wanting to date outside their race, all that "big dick, strong black man, my brotha"

And just for the record, Anonymous, my loyalty is to *myself.* I date who I feel like dating, provided our personalities coincide. And I smell wonderful, because I don't put any chemicals in my hair nor do I bleach my lovely brown skin or spend my money on fake nails and such. ... Thanks for commenting.

pricolatino said...

I was going to comment, until I read your last paragraph, which pretty much says what I was going to say.

There is no one, fundamental reason why. It just is, what it is.

In this case, as in many several cases involving humanity, there are way too many variables involved to justify making statements that would accurately encompass ALL women, ALL men, ALL children, ALL the elderly, ALL black women, ALL russian men, ALL homosexuals, ALL... you get my point. The only thing you could do is identify trends, but pinpointing exact causes would be not only an exercise in futility, but more than likely unjust to whatever group is being studied. One would have to not only interview every single black woman in the world, but also analyze to identify characteristics and habits they might not be willing or able to put in words when asked. Which is... well... impossible.

On a side note, the world has become such a smaller place than it used to be 10, 20, 50 years, a century ago, that cultures mix and blend in an infinite number of ways. This makes it even more difficult to identify specific ethnicity groups and their apparent trends, since pretty much half the world is "half this, a quarter this and a quarter that."