La Guerre des Soeurs

When you consider who your adversaries are, depending on your situation, none cut like a sharp ginzu knife or are as compelling than antagonists from your immediate family. Situations brew, they fester, they percolate, and seethe. When they finally reach a fever pitch and culminate in an all out war of words purged and wild gesticulating... it makes for a nasty and uncomfortable situation. It also makes for some interesting revelations and necessary moments of clarity.
How does one navigate the complexities of family ties when you are disliked by a sibling... have known for years a close family member holds disdain for you and hate your guts, despite strained efforts to play "nice," or are (yourself) harboring distrust, mutual disdain, and dislike for a sib? The answer is, despite what you know is right... at a certain point in your life you don't anymore. You stop zig zagging. You end your journey, cut your unfortunate losses and reluctantly move on, because none of us have the luxury of choosing what type of family members we want or how we want them to relate to us. While some people have a great rapport with their siblings, others have strained ones that eventually crack and then break from the weight. All that's left to do is to remove yourself as far away from the person and situation as soon as time and resources will allow. And that's exactly what I'm aggressively attempting to do. A sad state of affairs, but considering the rough year I've had and my knack for catching a mean case of bad luck, I've grown numb to anything else negative that has happened or may potentially happen in my life. I feel and emote for those few seconds and then I glaze over... hot water turning into ice. Stoicism has become a code of conduct I've grown adept at. It's my armor and shield, if you will.
I never understood the concept of estrangement, of people separating themselves from immediate family members... moms, dads, brothers, sisters... until today. The next couple of months will probably be awkward, but c'est la vie. Such are the breaks for those who are "first born second." The world doesn't end. It may choke, sputter, and gasp for breath... but it doesn't end. ;-( ...

4 comments

  1. Off topic
    I saw this and though about you.
    http://www.nytimes.com/2008/01/03/fashion/03skin.html?em&ex=1199682000&en=3a49d6de81cb7b27&ei=5087%0A Its an article that can help you with your sinusis.

    A number of bloggers have had break downs with family members during the holidays this year, so you are not alone. I am going through something with a family member right now, its been ongoing since I was a child. I feel like its time that I let that person how I feel instead of trying to keep the piece.

    I so enjoy your writing Coffee, I don't know what I would do if you ever stoped blogging.
    What about those short stories you wrote. Have you had anyting published, if so let me know where I can purchase your work.

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  2. @BeautyinBaltimore: Hey there. Thanks for the link. When heavy duty sinus medications and strong brandy didn't work, I eventually resorted to "nasal irrigation" via a saline solution in a bottle. I've heard of neti pots... and may consider purchasing one. But either way, whether via a bottle or the pot... nasal irrigation actually works. My sinusitis was unbearable. It's very uncomfortable. Even the teeth and gums become sore... and so the saline solution was just the ticket. Especially since I had no desire to go to the doctor for some amoxicillan. I used the saline in the spray bottle, and a saline gel in a tube, called Ayr. The saline actually keeps the sinuses moist and it washes all that disgusting infection away.

    On the family matters front, sometimes, things just have to come to a head. No matter what one does to try to "keep the peace" the strain of it all becomes too much. Best to just state your peace, at the risk of a massive blow up, than to let it fester. If relatives... immediate or otherwise... decide not to deal with you, or vice versa, then oh well. I know I've had my share of drama and personal issues, and don't have the time or patience to stomach anymore. So like I said in my post, c'est la vie. I have a strong personality as does my sister. I am a one person army. I rely on VERY FEW people. Because just as many have come through for me. My mother being the main person I can count on, when I need help. With good reason, I also have trust issues, am neurotic, superstitious, and suspicious of certain people's motives sometimes, and have a zero tolerance policy due to my circumstances... casualties may involve family members sometimes and you just may become a casualty of that war as well. In the end, no one really wins, but it's best to just cut the loss and try to move on as best as you can.

    And thanks for the compliments re: my writing! I had a separate blog with my short stories posted, but I dismantled it. An example of my fiction writing can be found at Literate Nubian... and the site can be found on my list of links. I've had two stories featured as "Story of the Week!" 'The Uprising' and 'Mother's Drink' Check them out.

    Cheers and good luck with your family drama!

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  3. Anonymous1:09 PM

    Coffey, siblings argue and have disagreements all the time. They move on and overcome whatever the situation was. We've had arguments before and said some things that we both didn't mean. Being estranged is not the right way nor is the way I want to be. I'm not choosing to be estranged from you. If this is the way you choose be, then I'll respect that, but there's no way that I myself can be that way, especially since we are such a small family and only have each other. I assumed we would be mad at each other for a few days/weeks as we normally do and continue as usual. You should know by now, I don't hate you, that is not the way that I am, I don't hate people, especially my own siblings. I love you and appreciate you. Do I get frustrated and angry with you, of course and I'm sure you get angry with me as well. Such as life. I knew our incident would end up on the blog so I figured I'd respond this way. You can handle however you feel necessary, but I just wanted to clarify that I'm not angry nor do I choose to be estranged.

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  4. Ugh. I'm still dealing with this myself. You know that tale. Civility is the most I can hope for, I guess. On my part, not hers. **sigh**

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