Peanut Butter and Peppermint Tea

Honey I'm a roller concrete clover ... Arm wrestle your mother Simply over ... over you But beware my heart can be a pin A sharp silver dragonfly Trying to get my mansions green After I've Grey Gardens seen In between tonight and my tomorrows ... where have you been In between tonight I know...don't you fight Honey can you hear me In between been dragging a dragonfly Trying to get my mansions green After I've Grey Gardens seen Honey won't you hold me tight Get me through Grey Gardens tonight Trying to get my mansions green After I've Grey Gardens seen Honey won't you hold me tight Get me through Grey Gardens tonight -Rufus Wainwright, Grey Gardens (album: Poses)
It's official... I'm slowly becoming a recluse and this does not bode well with me. I would not classify myself as a social butterfly per se, but during days off from work, I usually like to busy myself with random errands, visit my family, or catch up with friends working at a nearby museum... something. Today was beautiful outside and I simply woke up this morning, bemoaning a stomach ailment I've had since yesterday, that may very well have been more psychological than physical. Either way, I didn't feel well... the unseasonably mild and breezy Fall air would've, no doubt, been good for me. Initially, I lazed around for a while composing emails and chatting with friends on Yahoo! Messenger. I glanced at a compelling novel I've been reading, didn't even touch it. Instead, I ensconced myself in a chair and usurped even more valuable free time, reading about the latest developments of the Britney Spears/Fed-ex divorce saga, unfolding on the celebrity gossip blogs and I snickered at a recent video where a disdainful looking Lindsay Lohan, exclaimed to the paparrazzi, that Paris Hilton was "a cunt." I, essentially, got wrapped up in nothing, when I could've been indulging in something, far more productive. I came to this conclusion, but not before deciding to wipe at a nonexistent smudge... repeatedly... on the very same glass table top I'm logging this entry from (and smudging, yet again, with my bare forearms). I sprayed a rather menacing looking spider with dust spray to no avail, he, she, it, simply scurried away. I stood up t0 put the kettle on for peppermint tea, and then I sat down. I peeked out the window, I paced, and I sat down again. I got up long enough to turn off the kettle, I sat down again and I sipped my tea... I went to the kitchen once more and ate half teaspoons full of Skippy's Roasted Honey Nut flavored peanut butter (my only A.M. sustenace). Enough was enough. Looking down at my well licked spoon and scowling, visions of the documenatry Grey Gardens, danced in my head. While I'm far from becoming the next Edith Bouvier Beale- (prancing around in squalor, living in a crumbling mansion, singing show tunes, clad in a fur coat and head scarf)- I was slowly becoming self-contained and somewhat mysanthropic. Sans money or avec money, I needed to get out outside, if only to get some fresh air and merge with the general populace, most of whom were outside enjoying the beautiful weather. As I pondered my self-imposed solitary confinement, I decided that I didn't want to become one of those sorts of people, who falls prey to social ineptness... trapped and in the throes of some sudden psychoses. The peanut butter and my preoccupation with the invisible smudge on the table, dictated that I needed out, it wasn't a matter of whether I wanted out or not. So I took a bath, self-administered a pedicure, got dressed, and ventured outside... breathing in the mild fall breeze... simply going for coffee, people watching, and browsing. Suddenly my nasal passages popped and cleared (I was oblivious to the fact that they were clogged) and my mysterious stomach ailment subsided. Also, perhaps it's time for me to plan a small gathering of some sort... just so I don't grow apart from the rest of society. It just requires one foot in front of the other. Not a difficult or strenuous feat, but a necessary one.


  1. Don't you hate it when the spiders just scurry away? lol. Dont they know there supposed to die, or freeze, or something equally satisfying.

    Im glad getting out helped you. The very fact that you think about society means your unlikely to grow to far from it. Best wishes.

  2. Hi Elle.
    Thanks so much for your comment.
    Yes, the walk helped.
    I've been feeling a LOT better. I hate getting into blue funks, and they're usually few and far between. I just think the general trials and tribulations, life uses to punch you in the face every once and awhile...
    and the stupidity of man-kind was a bit overwhelming, I got stressed, frustrated, and then overwhelmed.

    Things usually roll off my back like butter on a hot roll, I say eff it/him/her and I move on. I said eff it/him/her, but then I continued to stew, seethe, be angry and frustrated... and that's not good.

    I'm just glad I feel better. :-)

  3. Hi Coff,

    Nervous breakthroughs always make me smile.

    You’re funny and write nicely.

    Definitely make your fun while ye may
    It will never be better than today in terms of time, energy and historical fortune.

    You'll have all eternity for basking in insignificance

    You gottalotta of what you need now.

    Good brains, humor and relative youth

    He who laughs laughs- laughs lots

  4. You are not the only one suffering from depresion. I'm not sure if you read afrochic's blog, but she is going through the same issue. I to feel this way sometimes. I honestly think it may have something to do with all of the crap that we eat.

  5. @Daniel: *sigh*, yes, I have "relative youth" and I suppose I should learn to start enjoying it, despite life's annoyances. I'm trying not to let life surpass me, and I'm trucking along ever-so-slowly... progress is progress. I hate being stagnant. Nervous breakthroughs are enlightening. I'm learning the importance of patience... or at least trying to.

    I don't eat a lot of junk. Chocolate is most certainly not junk... it's a chunk of heaven I like to escape to every now and again.
    I was a vegetarian for many MANY years, and just became a pecto-vegetarian (included poultry and fish in my diet this past April), and I don't go to fast food restaurants and such. I'm too much of a snob and a gastronome to step foot into McDonalds for even a salad or a cup of coffee.

    I got overwhelmed by stuff, and just got tired
    I had "throw the hands up and curl up in a fetal position" moments, because things just became overwhelming... then the little, insignificant things jumped on top of the large heap, to complete the pile.

    In short: I was extremely stressed and just under a lot of duress... Stress prompts one to start thinking about THINGS that were placed on the stifled, and never really dealt with. This was/is my problem anyway, but the days have become, increasingly more tolerable. :-)