Coffee Rhetoric: Bus Tale and Other Matters

March 05, 2009

Bus Tale and Other Matters

So, I've literally been in bed since Monday evening. I'm sure waiting out in an unexpected, blizzard-like snowstorm for 20 mintues for a bus (before learning there was a 2 hour delay, and I didn't need to be to work until later)- helped aggravate matters, because as the day progressed, my throat got scratchier, my head throbbed more, my annoyance level was at a 20, and my sinuses pulsed and tingled. I hardly ever get sick, so when I do, I may as well be on the cusp of death because it's a feeling unlike any other. All-llll sinus and throat... mostly sinus. I can't think, I can't eat, I feel discombobulated... I just want to crawl into a hole a la like I'm Alice, and stay there until it's all over. It's a sick of epic proportions that makes me moan for my mom! Tired of lying underneath the covers reeking of Vicks Vaporub, I dragged my wrecked carcass out of bed to check email, light some incense sticks, and relay this lovely little Bus Tale that took place on the aforementioned Monday. Perhaps this exacerbated the illness that'd been percolating and weakened my body's defenses even further? I don't know ...
Monday, I headed back out into the horrible weather... properly bundled up, face covered with large shades, and perplexed by the onslaught of snow that hit the East after such cooperative weather! Thankful that I didn't have to wait long for the bus the second time around, it stopped in front of me and I boarded. A troglodyte sitting across from me with, ohhhh... saaay about 4 teeth (I didn't make eye contact with him for too long) looked me up and down lasciviously... "How's it going sistah" he said appreciatively. I mumbled something akin to a greeting, an attempt not to be rude, but a sure sign that I wasn't impressed and didn't want to engage him. He continued to stare, I made sure to keep my shaded eyes averted. "You are veery beautiful. Just the kinda sistah I like." he said in his bestest sexytimes voice. I shot him a disdainful look (hidden by my dark shades), jerked my shoulders in an indifferent shrug and turned away.

"I'm sure you're just as beautiful on the inside as you are on the outside though..." he continued.

I didn't respond... well, okay, my mouth tightened into a sneer. The bus ride was quickly turning into the longest 5 or 10 minutes I'd ever had to endure. When my stop finally approached, I quickly pulled the lever and stood up before it came to a complete stop... anxious to get the eff off. Much to my chagrin, my yuck-mouthed admirer got off at the same stop... He continued on with his disgusting and unwelcome courtship...
"You alright sistah..." he continued. "Yup!" I yelled over my shoulder as I jumped over a high snow bank (in record time... unheard of!). "Oh, I figured you needed help over the snow bank or somethin'" he said as he looked on lecherously. "Nope!" I said quickly as I made a beeline across the street... away from him.
"Alright then!" he yelled after me. "I'm gonna dream about you tonight!!!" he threatened. I ran faster.
So now here I am... home in bed... sick and blowing demonic and unmentionable things from the depths of my sinuses ... Yup. It's definitely the troglodyte's fault!