A Wrinkle in Time

I have a confession to make. While I am glad to have made it to 30 (and it was a tumultuous ride to say the least), I've become a bit obsessed with the aesthetic of aging. I've upped the ante on my skin regimen and want to kick myself if I fall asleep without having washed off my eye makeup and the environmental elements. It's maddening when I do that. I must also admit that seeing a woman with a heavily weathered, acned, or wrinkled visage makes me feel a bit, well, uncomfortable. My mind starts fast forwarding to the future. Wondering if my face will look like an old moccasin or a greasy pizza. Of course I fret over such matters when the rest of the world is asleep and I'm alone. I start checking for crow's feet, laugh lines, hormonal related acne. Or any other normal signs of aging. I wonder if I'm the only one who can see my pores or if I'm just giving in to my neuroses once again. I turn around around to and fro in the mirror, checking the span of my hips (which have gotten a bit wider), and bottom. I look to see if there is any additional dimpling in the backs of my thighs. Perhaps it's just me and my crazy idiosyncratic behavior, but I never expect age to make me ever more neurotic and nit picky about myself. Confidence and self-acceptance aside, I have to struggle not to agonize over my own, bothersome vanity. My growing narcissism has become the bane of my existence. These thoughts creep and crawl under and around more pertinent concerns. They snake and coil their way around more relevant matters. Prompting me to moisturize and exfoliate my way to comfort. When I let such thoughts have their way, I catch myself because I begin to feel guilty and foolish. ...

3 comments

  1. I can't wait to get old so I can speak my mind and no one will bother to correct me. Plus I want to tell kids to get off my lawn.

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  2. that is so weird. I just did a blog post on madeleine l'engle cause I read that she died... and then came here and your post title was... funny coincidence.

    but seriously, coffey, you have NOTHING to worry about with this. your face is flawless right now (no, really), so I think it would take a whole heckuva lot to reverse that, aging or not. don't worry about the vanity either, as long as you're aware of it and keep a tiny rein on it LOL.

    oh and ditto the comment above me.

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  3. Hahahahahah@Amadeo: Will you come running out with a rifle, sweat sox, and house shoes and a robe when you chase the kids off your lawn? LOL

    @Alosha: I'll have to check you post out and thanks for the compliment. It's maddening. I don't want to be obsessed with such ridiculous, inane, vain matters, but what can I say. They matter. I try not to make them matter so much though.

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