Hanging on By The Tips of My Fingers

This weekend (and past week) has been less than stellar. I'm having one of those days. I spoke to a close friend last night and listened to the details regarding his unraveling. I wont relay them here, but I started crying (unbeknownst to him) because I felt sad for him, it hit me right in my gut because I feel like I'm not too far behind him. It's as if the world is closing in on me and that I have the worst luck in the world... I'm trying desperately to get my karmic energy right... to make the stars align for me, because I can't afford to lose it. I'm even more suspicious than ever, at this dark place I get up and come to everyday. I'm a little more skittish than usual, testy... everyone is a suspect. I feel uneasy at home, in my apartment. It's as if I'm a pawn in the midst of a twisted game of Clue. 'Been reading my cards non-stop and meditating this past weekend... ... but I still feel unnerved... like something unsettling is on the horizon... unsettling, but something that I'll recover from once the initial shock of it all wears off. I'm merely bracing myself for the onslaught... and my stomach is in knots. I wish I could just pack my bags and get out of dodge... get out of this country... and escape everything... start fresh... If only it were that easy...


pricolatino said...

Sending much love and warm wishes and thoughts... Not gonna bullshit you with "it's gonna be ok" or "things will get better" because nobody knows that.

But hang in there... you do have people that love you and care about you and think of you. Try to concentrate of the good things in your life, I know they're there.

I know it's hard, trust me, this comes from a person who's been clinically diagnosed as mildly depressed with episodes of moderate depression. And I've never taken a single pill for it. I just try to stop and cherish what I have, whenever I feel down.

Take care and God bless you. --Abe

Bloody Whore said...

Hey Coffey!!! I've been missing you, I guess I'm gonna have to stalk you on here now, I will do.

Just hang in there, remember you're a strong woman and anything that comes your way won't bring you down. Sending good vibes and praying to the godesses for you!!

If you decide to come to Canada, just let me know. LOL

Brunhilda said...

I hate those feelings. Breathe deeply, think of those that love you, indulge in good wine, food and chocolate. This too shall pass. Eventually. And you are too strong of a woman to be down for long - I know you can handle whatever is thrown your way.

Anonymous said...

The blues, man...we all get them, but I find that you are particularly gifted in the art of going through your dark days and coming out much stronger than you entered. Certainly, there's bitterness and frustration involved, but we all have to face that. You just happen to be able to weather the storm better than most, in my humble opinion.

Stay strong!



Anonymous said...

CHICAGO (Reuters) - Putting feelings into words makes sadness and anger less intense, U.S. brain researchers said on Wednesday, in a finding that explains why talking to a therapist -- or even a sympathetic bartender -- often makes people feel better.


TiffJ said...

@Prico: Thanks hon. It does help to have family and friends around to lend an ear, and some advice. Reflecting on the pros rather than the cons definitely helps.

@Bloodywhore: I miss your hot ass too... Thanks so much. I'm not out for the count just yet. And please, by all means... stalk away!

@Jessucka: Breathing deeply does wonders and I've been doing a lot of it lately. ;-)

@Cat: Thanks a lot. You're a gem. And I hate dark bitter days, as you very well know. I guess I'm a perfectionist, and like things to go my way... which is unrealistic. But I will say, the taste of bitterness does help me to understand and know when I'm being poisoned, so that I can proceed accordingly.

@Anonymous: Um, thanks. I'll keep that little nougat in mind the next time I go get plastered at a nearby bar.