Ain't Too Proud to Beg

"I like bitterness. It lets me know when I'm being poisoned." BlackAmazon's blog: Having Read the Fine Print
I've always avoided lifting the window too wide, as to provide that much of a view into my lackluster dating life... but a series of emails, from a former diversion, I flung with and who just did not cut it; due to his cockiness, dishonesty, game playing, and wishy washiness has prompted me to put this man on blast. I'm not one to revisit haunted houses. Once I'm done, It's fin. I'm a hard sell, a "bad ass" as I've recently been described, the Ice Queen, and not easily impressed. I have zero tolerance for disrespect, games, and disingenousness. I was hoping 2007 would get off to a decent start, in terms of dating prospects. Every now and again, out of the clear blue, a boil from the past will crop up like the unwelcome Yeast Beast. This one is memorable, because of the sense of urgency, desperation, attempts at guilt tripping, and self-entitlement apparent in the messages. I will leave out the history. As I've moved on, and now have to move on and forget all over again, due to these emails. While I'm reluctant to air this load of dirty laundry, I've made a conscious decision to do so... because I'm flummoxed... Also because I deserve to exact a little bit of revenge after the past year I've endured in regards to dating, and meeting self-absorbed, self-important, narcissistic asswipes. I don't know if he's aware of this blog, nor do I care at this point. Perhaps it's the merlot talking, but I honestly don't. If he happens upon it, perhaps he'll read how irrational, sad, and ridiculous he appears. I've presented these emails as a mash-up of thoughts, run together. The order changed to protect the stupid. I'm thoroughly disturbed and bothered. Since when did dating, intimacy, and courtship become so difficult to navigate? Are people allergic to be genuine and honest? In any event, this has become yet another thorn in my side, and I plan on acquiring a large set of pliers and extracting it!
Can we talk? if not I understand and will never bother u again, please let me know, hope all is well. can i at least say hi or u dont even approve of that? u were on my mind this weekend i am laying it all out and i dont expect u to believe me i was a fucking idiot before christ i wouldnt believe me either if i was in ur shoes, but what i am saying is true, god i just want to have a bottle of wine hang out and kiss u god i was just telling you how i feel and thats the truth i know u would never believe it, but its true i never meant any games never i did care and i do care A LOT sorry if you dont believe that or sorry if that disgusts you. wow i guess my feelings for u were more than i even knew this hurts me more than u know but i understand i guess, not many people get a second chance in life yep this sucks good luck that was wrong and not the case i just wanted to express myself and if i upset u my apologies that was not my intention i will leave u alone if u ever want to talk or need a friend call ***-***-**** i wish u the very best i wont bother u anymore good luck, hope all your dreams come true i understand u want me to leave u alone? i want a chance please say yes please just think about it please thats all i am asking please i understand i do but i think about u all the time and just would love to see u, if u are free tomorrow night and have it in ur heart and maybe want to see me too let me know what time and what wine and i will be there I understand and I am glad u are doing great and I debated whether to contact you or not for a long time, I made a lot of mistakes in my life but you are still always on my mind, yes I know I can see your reaction now, and you are right why would you believe me and I dont mean to send this and upset you in anyway, I just really miss you and you are always on my mind. Glad everything is going good for u u deserve it!

6 comments

Brunhilda said...

Fuck the cocky, game playing, wishy washy ones. I just lost one, so I might be a tad bitter. I long for the day he realizes what he's lost and I can shoot him down. Tee hee.

Anonymous said...

Reading through his misguided e-mails I could have smacked myself in the forhead. It wasn't so long ago I totaly would have fallen for those lines. Hell I have! And didn't firgure out they were just that,lines until I was crying into a port about what an asshole he really was and feeling utterly gullible for once again having fallen for a shmuck. I say Bravo to you for knowing better. The hoepfully brief pain that these emails dredge back to the surface are nothing compared to falling for his crap. Bravo!!!!

Anonymous said...

Is it me or does this stink of a dude on a rebound????

Did he just get dumped by someone???? sounds to me like he is coming back to someone who MAY give him another shot because he knows the one who just kicked him to the curb won't touch him????

TiffJ said...

@ Jessucka: Touche. I don't long for the day he realizes anything, because I hadn't even thought of him, until he started up with the sad emails. My heart is black and cold, so I feel nothing for him or any other wishy washy,lying sacks of shit like him... not even anger or the need to shoot him down.

@ Siobhan: Hindsight is 20/20. It happens to the best and most bad assed of us. I don't feel pain at all... more like mild agitation, at having my inbox flooded with nonsense. I hate SPAM.

@Pookie Sixx I don't know (nor do I care) if this turd sandwich has broken up with some other poor bitch. I didn't spend enough time with him to develop any feelings of longing or sadness. He was a diversion. Nothing more. There is no chance in HELL that I MAY give him (or any other sonofabitch from this brethren) another shot, because once I'm done with someone, I'M DONE... particularly if it didn't end amicably. Call it coldness, I don't know... but like I enjoy saying... I don't revisit haunted houses, so he's wasting computer memory with these ridiculous and tired email messages, and he's wasting his breath with the voicemails as well. He's contacting me again out of the blue, because obviously I've left an indelible impression on him... hint-hint. I tend to do that. His loss, some other lucky so and so's gain, because I rock all sorts or nations, valley's, and peaks. ;-)

Amadeo said...

Damn...I thought cat's learned their lesson in the days of answering machines? I think if I found myself writing something like that I'd die of shame. I always say keep walking forward if there was anything worth looking at back along the path you'd have probably chilled there longer.

Melissa said...

sorry but ummm "turd sandwich" LOL. good one.

I agree with pook though and that being the case, he is patheeeeetic.