Fountain of Insanity

It's sunny and beautiful (albeit it cold) outside, and I'm surely getting back to my usual self. The funk has all but subsided. I am still dying for spring to make an appearance, however. Don't know why she's being so elusive; this winter seems rather long and tedious to me. Anyway, I've thoroughly purged my disdain for Valentine's Day, enjoyed the chocolate fruits of February 15th, and I am feeling pretty good.

March is clipping at my heels. Pretty soon August will have arrived and I will be 29. Thirty is looming ever so closely, and I actually look forward to abandoning my twenties! I am forced to have to admit however, I'm starting to get caught up in the rapture of vanity. I've always been vain, in the usual way most of us are, but I'm finding that I've become more cognizant of the signs of aging.

While I will welcome thirty with open arms, I don't want my older age to be apparent on skin or face. To note: I'm supposed to be using this day off from work to exercise but upon waking up and dousing my face with cold water, I spent time staring into the mirror, checking for loose skin under my eyes; pinching here, pinching there. I turned my head this way and that way several dozen times, viewing at every angle. I have always been obsessed with skincare. As a tween, (whose body developed earlier than most girls my age), between the ages of about 10-13, I endured the rough, tumble, and seemingly pitiless period known as puberty. My forehead developed an outbreak of nasty spots that make me shudder when I think about them, till this day. Some of the musty-smelling, harsh boys in my class (who were grappling with puberty in their own stinky, weird voiced ways), took to calling me "freckle face" due to the spots on my forehead.

 It wasn't the worst acne outbreak. I still fared better than most during that time, but I was singled out nevertheless. I felt powerless. I would wash my face, to no avail. My mother lectured that I wasn't washing thoroughly. That plain water simply wasn't enough. She scolded me about the importance of Noxzema or some other cleansing cream. I didn't want to believe her, for what child wants to succumb to the revelation that mother does, indeed, know best. So I tried her method, and much to my amazement and relief, my skin started clearing up. It simply needed a thorough cleaning.

 I still grappled and fought for beautiful skin throughout my life. College wasn't a good skin period. I was living in a rural college town in Wisconsin, where the water was harsh to both my hair and my skin. My pores were clearly visible, my legs were ashy and dry a lot of the times, despite slathering on oils and lotions... it was a nightmare. It didn't matter that I was doing all the proper things to care for my skin; I may as well have been washing my face in battery acid with that water.

Anyway, my skin is finally where it needs to be. I have my moments -- particularly once a month -- but I am obsessed now. I never go to bed without washing my face, no matter how tired I am. I have, but will end up lying there, unable to sleep, thinking that I can actually feel the harsh elements coagulating on my skin. So I end up hopping out of bed to wash. I’m generous user of Oil of Olay. I'm constantly slathering on moisturizers of all sorts. I exfoliate the hell out of my face and body. Mint Julep Mask? Check. English Mud Clay Mask? Check. Microdermabrasion scrub? Check Olay Regenerist hot scrubby stuff? On my list, but they're always out of stock. Exfoliating bath towel? Black Soap?? Salt scrub?? Olay Quench, Black & Beautiful Body Sheen, Cocoa Butter, Body butters, resistance to super-duper cold water, Red wine???... Check! Check! Check! I even pay close attention to my hands.

 I think I am slowly, but surely, becoming one of those anti-aging fanatics. I probably won’t ever need Botox, however, because I've been deadpanning most of my life, and am sans lines on my forehead. I think a lot of the hype is bullshit, but at a whopping $100+, would probably splurge on some Creme de la Mer  if I could afford to. Who am I fooling? I look forward to getting older, I really do. I just don't want to LOOK aged. It's an expensive and exasperating religion to buy into.

While I am clearly more aware my skin's texture and on the lookout for lines and such, I don't think I'm as bad as other women. I stick to a pretty basic skin regimen, and it's been working wonders, but I am open to trying new things. Are men this obsessed with skincare and their own vanity? You must be, to some degree.


emeralda said...

hey sweetie, i just see that coming for me too. i always claim i give an eff and all that. you know I LOVE AGING! I CAN"T WAIT TO BE 30! fuck botox! FUCK beauty freaks~! hahaha. and then i ll find myself whining on the bathroom floor, i see it coming so big time hahaha.
well, it s good you take care. i did that too. i didn't eat sugar for a very long time and that solved all problems. pimpels/bad skin? once a month, yes. but even then, if i don't indulge in my pms driven sweet tooth i can fight them off.
but you know, then i look at my mam and i see: damn, this woman is so beautifully wrinkled!!!

nosthegametoo said...

I think we're ALL a bit vain and egotistical. It's all part of the package.

Anonymous said...

You're hilarious! However, your skin is beautiful so you should keep on doing whatever it is you do, m'dear. I look at my family and feel good that I'll age just fine. Certainly you will from the looks of yours.

Everyone's got an obsession...for me it's always been travel...I'm willing to sacrifice whatever it takes to be in a new destination. I just try to make sure it doesn't wipe out my sanity! hahahahaha

Keep your gorgeous skin, girl! I think it's a natural gift that will last you a lifetime. I fear the day people start asking you how much older I am than you!!! tee hee


chrome said...

you know you don't have to bother to tough. our god given melanin has a way of taking care of it's own. I just look at my mums and marvel. 60+ and she's still glowing. fine wine.

I cant do without a smear of cocoa butter once out the shower.

so advice! sex and sun and lotsa fun. worry less and when they come knocking do like ghostface. run.

Amadeo said...

I have skin care issues cause my skin has always been sensitive. I refuse to say I'm obsessed. It seems like whatever I use only works for a while. I'm on the Shea Butter now, but I'll probably have switch up soon. To make matters worse, my scalp is the worse offender and buried under all this hair...ack.

msjaim said...

I tried so hard to get the ex to exfoliate but he never will/ did.. said hes not metro sexual, so I would just hold him hostage & pick those black/white heads out of his face..rotfl!!!!

Sounds like ur a product junkie ( or maybe a recovering one)... I have to admit.. I have become a lil obsesed w/ anti aging, make ur pores smaller, scrub it away in a jar joints.. but Ive come across a couple of things that work and I try & stick to those. Ill be 30 in Dec and I have noticed lil lines forming on my forehead because my some times ornery ass frowns a lil much( thinking about dermabrasion, its only $99 ).. For my dry ass skin... I go to this rasta book store by my house and get a big ass 16oz tub of unrefined shea butter.. that kills the ash completely dead!!! nothing worse than big ass ashy legs on a grown woman...( as I look down to check mine out before I leave my job!.. it 8pm.. SHIT!)

Anonymous said...

Well, 30 may be looming down the way a little further, but don't regret it like I almost did.. My only paranoia of it, was because a friend, who already had plenty of health problems, suffered a fatal heart attack, at 30.. But, needless to say, here I am, 42, albeit suffering from mild high blood pressure (I STILL say it's because of the school bus driving!), but no problems since. The HBP is well under control. (thanks to a little 'Tenorec' (50/25 Attenolol/Chlorthalidone)) and I'm still plugging along. And, adding to everyone else's comments, You're _STILL_ beautiful! :-) Stephen

TiffJ said...

Hey all...
Truly wasn't fishing for compliments, but thanks!
Was just saying that I'm a little more cognizant of how my face, skin's texture, and body are changing now that I'm getting older.
I actually look forward to turning thirty... but have to work on getting more sleep, drinking more agua, and being mindful of nurturing the texture of my skin.

MsJaim... I think I may be a product junky! ahhhhhhh. But the cheap stuff from the small beauty supply stores work wonders!
I love that Black soap! It's like 1.99 at my local beauty supply store! As far as spending 99 smackeroos on microdermasion... a lot of exfoliating products cater to that need... making it a cheaper alternative. Try Philosophy's ( or find it on microdermasion scrub. It rocks nations!

msjaim said...

so is tis what u use.. it looks interesting...