This morning, I was running late and wasn't in the mood for the type of condescension and patronizing tone only a a passive-aggressive manager, on a power trip can administer. I decided to dip into the chump change sitting in my checking account, and withdraw a few bucks to catch a cab. I walked across the street to the train station, in search of one. I saw a group of them, hovered over a game of checkers right in front of the station, where they all line up, at the ready for passengers. When I approached, they all looked up, and one of them said, "Hello gorgeous!" in that nasty, old man/dirty daddy way. I muttered good morning, between sips of iced coffee. Another asked, "You need a ride?" "Yes, thank you" I said. I recognized him as a driver from before, and he recognized me because he knew exactly where I was headed. "The museum, right?" he asked. I nodded, as confirmation. A third driver held the door open for me, as I climbed in. I nodded and smiled to show my gratitude for his chivalry. The back of my neck was already warm from the hot, 87 degree weather. I rolled down the window for a much needed breeze. Dirty Daddy asked my driver if he could ride along. Driver cackled and suggested that he ask me for my permission. Dirty Daddy stuck his head in, and said "Can I come ride along with you?" "Why?" I asked. And then I said matter-of-factly, "nope" before he could answer and then proceeded to roll the window up on him. Right before the driver pulled off, Dirty Daddy tapped on my window... when I turned my head to face him, he pursed his lips and blew me a skeevy kiss. "Get me out of here." I asked my driver, annoyed and disgusted. "Sure!" he said, as he laughed and guffawed at his colleague's lame attempt at picking up a young woman. "Don't mind him," he said... "He's crazy and needs a wife." I shrugged indifferently, to show that I was unruffled.
To Dirty Daddy: Please don't ever do that again. It wasn't sexy, and you almost made me throw up my Turbo Ice. Thank you. xoxo Coffey


Amadeo said...

So tell me...what was this "taxi" like. I've seen them but the last time I tried to get one he wanted money up front. I pulled out words that would make a sailor blush.

Anonymous said...

Geeeeee, with great pickups like Dirty Daddy's, I can't imagine why women are not dropping to their knees at his feet.

Pig. You should have pepper sprayed him.

Brunhilda said...


Hello. I am Jessica. I would like to enroll in Coffey's School of Ice Princessery, please.

Anonymous said...

I hope Dirty Daddy had all his teeth and smelled good. Coffey you know you could have given Dirty some play. "Hey Dirte, baby I got yo money don't you worry, say hey..."


Anonymous said...

When you wonder why you're single just remember all of these stellar opportunities you just keep passing up! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA Why the hell did he think you wanted him breathing down your neck in that damn cab, anyway? I've never understood why it takes a tagteam to drive one person in a taxi so I'm glad you told him NAIRN!!! hahahahah

- Cat