Bus Tales: The Tell-Tale Toofs

This past Friday, as I boarded the A3... en route to work I noticed it was more crowded than usual. Unfortunately and much to my chagrin, I had to be a standee. I turned and scanned the passengers, seeing if I could spy an empty seat... noting that a few jackasses were merely taking up seat space with their cargo. Shrugging, I decided not to bother and decided to be fine with standing. Now, I realize a lot of times when composing these particular tales, I relay just how unsavory the A.M. (and P.M. in some cases) smells are when I board the bus... the stale, wet potato chip, dank basementy, bad breath stench that swaths me in a shower of stank. Unfortunately I have a sensitive nose that's sensitive to unpleasant odors, and sniffs them out like a police pooch sniffs out hidden crack dens and marijuana gardens. Such is my woe, nothing was out of the ordinary in that regard hence, this bus tale lamentation. In any event, I pursed my lips and accepted the unpleasant wafts of b.o. for I knew I didn't have a long trip to endure. Suddenly, the bell tolled and several people got off in front of The Hartford financial/insurance company on Asylum Avenue, which left several seats free. I hurriedly made my way to a seat towards the middle, and plopped my ample behind and purse down behind a woman, wearing a grey hooded sweatshirt. Suddenly, said woman turned around... nose turned up her nose in distaste... looked at me and complained, "you smell like mint CANDY or MINT or something..." as she sniffed her dissatisfaction with my minty fresh ( and ripe for making out) breath! Startled, bemused, and annoyed, I scowled at her with my best "bitch please" look. She continued to leer at me, like she wanted me to give her an explanation as to WHY my breath smelled so minty, so early in the A.M. I pursed my lips as if to say "turn around" ... She did. I couldn't help but notice during this weird standoff that her breath wasn't so minty fresh, and I'm 110% certain I spied all of three teeth (or toofs) ... making up an macabre and incomplete grill.


Amadeo said...

You're better than me cause I will make someone move their things with a quickness. I don't even really have to say anything...just stand there and look at them. They dig.

Brunhilda said...

She gave you shit for smelling like mint? Unbelievable.

I would have done the same sighing thing. And probably shot some dirty looks.

TiffJ said...

@Amadeo: I hear you... but some mornings, it just is not worth it... and they you have to survey the crowd and see if you really want to sit next to that particular person. lol. Sometimes, I just say, "Pardon me" or "excuse me" in a defiant but pleasant enough tone... so that they'll move their 'ish. This wasn't one of those morning. ;-)
By the way, when you're hovering over someone, prompting them to move over, are you wearing your motocycle boots?? ;-)

@Jessucka: Yes, bitch did. The nerve! Particularly when she was long overdue for a mint and a trip to the dentist's office!