Got Sense? or Internet Dating 101

I could write a rambling diatribe about how I feel, after seeing the promo posters of a shirtless Daniel Radcliffe (aka Harry Potter), posturing next to a horse, for the very adult play Equus, but wont. I could also ponder the rather intimate fraternization between P. Diddy and Sienna Miller as reported all over the celebrity blogs and entertainment news programs... but wont do that either. I'm still mulling this one over, in fact. Instead, after having read an article written by Celia Ellenberg for this month's Jane Magazine, I've decided to make a few observations and comments about the seconds of pleasure and seemingly endless pains of internet dating. Apparently Miss Ellenberg, after a frustrating dry spell and lackluster dating prospects, plunged head-first, into the pool of internet dating, tossing aside all of her prior thoughts about it being for "losers," and registering with several sites, including Match.com and MillionaireMatch.com. Internet dating is as common now, as gathering socially at a party or a bar to hobnob with viable prospects. Both concepts (on or off-line) is a meat market, every man, woman, and child (of legal age of consent) for themselves. It's not as taboo as it once was, and finding a friend or mate via cyberspace is a good way for busy professionals to get right to the meat of the matter, without having to be a serial barhopper. This said, I've even registered with a few sites, over the course of a few years, not to meet my Rebel Prince, but more out of curiosity (and amusement)... to see what correspondences, possible coffee dates, makeout partners, and friendships I could strike up. Needless to say, I'm still single and perplexed. Using my own experiences and the horror stories of various friends and acquaintances, I've composed a quicklist of dont's and some a few do's to help make the process somewhat painless and easy to navigate...
  • Guys, don't try to engage a woman in sexual talk and phone sex during the very first phone call. This is your first opportunity to make a good impression, and if you can't even keep your testosterone at moderate levels during a phone call, then perhaps you're destined to remain single and horny.
  • Ladies, don't engage in sex talk within 10 minutes of meeting your date and keep your kit on until at LEAST the second or third date. Also, don't dress like a high class hooker or coke addicted, disco-skank. You want to be respected? Then carry yourselves accordingly. Also, don't get wasted on the first date. Believe it or not, most men don't find excessive drinking, during a date, appealing.
  • Guys, ask a woman about herself every now and again, throughout the evening. You all accuse us of talking to much, but I've been in situations where the man will just drone on and on and on, about himself, his cars, his job, how much money he rakes in, the ex-factors... It's not just about you. I realize the whole process of dating and meeting for the first time in general, is nerve wracking, but remember you're sitting across from another person who'd like to give you some insight about herself, her life, current events or what have you, too.
  • Men, don't send a woman an inquiry, particularly requesting more photos than the 6 or 7 she already has on her profile, and don't greedily ask for specific types of photos. Especially since many of you have few photos, if any at all. Also, don't email someone with your pictureless profile (that reads you'll provide one upon request) and then expect a prompt response, if any. It's called reciprocity! I don't get why people even bothering registering, if they're leery about posting a photo.
  • Ladies, don't dig for gold or dumb yourselves down. You may think this is appealing, sexy, and this type of behavior may work to your advantage in some instances, but sometimes it's okay to act like an **gasp** responsible, intelligent, and adult woman. If a man is intimidated by your intellect, then he's not worth the tiny pebbles stuck in the crevices of your Louboutins. Also, stop acting entitled and get past the first date, before you ask for shopping sprees or before outlining what your "going rate" is. It makes it bad for the lot of us. Bthe time a man meets a woman who's genuine in her motives, he's already jaded and mean.
  • Men, don't eye up other women in the presence of your date. It's rude. At least have the decencey to wait until your date takes a potty break before your wonky eye starts to rove.
  • Also men, if you find someone interesting and it graduates to Yahoo Messenger or AIM, complete with webcam interaction... be fully clothed and don't try to get your rocks off cybering. They have specific rooms and websites you can visit (for a paltry fee) for that. Visit one on your own time.
  • Ladies and gents... Did your online interaction make it to realtime? DO make eye contact and let things unfold naturally. Nothing should be forced.
  • Ladies, don't text, email, or instant message your dating prospect nonstop, wondering where you stand after 3 piddly dates or online chats. Let the cards fall where they may. Besides, neediness is unappealing and desperate. Same thing applies for guys as well. If it's meant to go further, then it will. Don't force a circle into a square. If it tapers off... let. it. go. Don't obssess. No one likes to feel rejected, but you win some, you lose some. There's always someone better or more compatible... and if it tapers off during email or IM interaction... then perhaps it's for the best anyway.
  • Women, don't plaster your profile with pictures, featuring you spread eagle in your thong, lingerie, or booty shorts, and then complain about the lascivious messages and propositions you're receiving. Be sexy and attractive, but keep it classy... not assy.
  • Do be complimentary of one another. A little flattery goes a long way, but don't fish for compliments.
  • Ladies, if you plan on meeting a prospective date from the internet, bring at least 20 or 30 bucks with you juuust in case.
  • Lastly, to both parties, do make sure you screen accordingly. Chat online for a spell, and then work your way up to the phone. A few scags will undoubtedly slip through the cracks (I know this all too well), but be as discerning as you possibly can.
That's it. Date it out.
Dating sites as recommended by Jane Magazine
  • Airintroductions.com- Find love in the air. This site apparently offers you the opporutnity to handpick your seat mate, whilst flying the friendly skies.
  • Celibatepassions.com- For people who don't want to shag.
  • largefriends.com- The voluptuous and sexy need love too.
  • Trekpassions.com- Like Star Wars, Star Trek, and other geeky fare? Register here.
  • greenfriends.com- Hippies, vegans, and evironmentalists unite!
  • gothicmatch.com- for Debbie and Danny Downers. Or is it called Emo?
  • sportsfriends.com- for sports fanatics to engage one another.
  • datemypet.com- Pets need loving too.
  • Darwindating.com- Like Hotties? Are you particular about looks? Register here. Read the list of criteria before registering, however. They truly and really don't want fugs uploading profiles on their dating site!
  • stdsingles.com- STD Singles? Pretty self-explanatory.

6 comments

Brunhilda said...

Oddly enough, I've met my last few prospects online. I always used to think it was for losers too, but I've met some interesting people. No one really lecherous or disgusting thus far.

Bloody Whore said...

Why so many rules? I hate the fact that you can't just be naturally, yourself. Everything is rules, don't do this, do that, don't call, call now....the dating game has become too complicated.

STDsingles? no, wait....STDSINGLES????? Jesus.

TiffJ said...

Bloody whore, I hate dating rules too, and usually don't follow them as I'm a firm believer and practitioner of being myself. These are do's and don'ts within the confines of INTERNET dating.
It is NOT cool to try to do half of this shit, if you say on your profile, that you're GENUINELY looking for a prospective mate. Like I said, some of these things are based on my own experiences. Internet dating prospects can be a disingenuous lot.
If you're seriously genuine about using cyberspace, as a way to meet people, then act accordingly, as you would towards someone you'd meet in person.
Sitting at your computer, butt ass naked when a prospect turns on your cam ain't cool! Particularly if it's not mutual and is unexpected!

TiffJ said...

P.S.
My whole point in composing a list of Do's and Don'ts is to just say, BE YOURSELF and don't act like a Special Ed. case.

Bloody Whore said...

"Sitting at your computer, butt ass naked when a prospect turns on your cam ain't cool! Particularly if it's not mutual and is unexpected!"

True that!! I just pictured!!! LOL

Anonymous said...

Good one, Coffey! I've gotten some doozies! But then again, I met Scorpio online (match.com) . . . and he didn't have a photo! He wasn't even an active member - - he didn't even know he still had a profile!