The Exorcism of Ms. Jones- part 4 On Clarity

I've Had a Nervous Breakthrough

Happy Election Day! I've opted not to vote today, because quite frankly, I'm not impressed. A work colleague was mortified after she asked if I was going to go vote after work, and I replied, "I haven't decided yet." She lectured me not to complain, and I reminded her that I don't, to which she replied, “Oh yeah, that’s true.”

I just think it’d be rather unenlightened of me, to vote for a bunch of candidates I know virtually nothing about. One Democratic candidate, Ned Lamont, is a virtual unknown on the political circuit. The only thing I’ve learned about him, via New York Times and Hartford Courant articles, is that he’s very rich. He comes from old money, he is a millionaire, having started his own telecommunications/cable company, and that his wife is a wealthy Venture Capitalist. Other than the fact that he’s opposed to the war on Iraq, I’m still left wondering what the bulk of his platform is based on. I won’t bother discussing his opponent, Joseph Lieberman. This isn’t a political blog afterall, so I refuse to entertain this issue anymore than I have. I will be sure to vote during the next American Idol election, however. It’s the important things that count.

Anyway, upon arriving home, I suddenly felt giddy. I’ve been struggling… grappling with my demons, and hanging on to the edge of the window’s ledge by the tips of my fingers, but I felt overwhelmed with a rush of… contentment. My shoulders felt about five pounds lighter, and I’m not even intoxicated. I cannot explain why. Perhaps I'm still on a high from visiting my wonderfully delightful nephew the day before (he's addictive), I don't know...

This is a good thing, because I hate wallowing. My thoughts started moving at warp speed, like a Möbius strip, or a baby’s hanging mobile. A rush of different thoughts raced through my head, one being; Perhaps I’ll entertain dating below my age bracket, rather than above. Go figure. Dates have been few and far between, but I’ve been asked out by men, younger than myself, only to brush the advances off as some sort of joke. Laughing cynically. Perhaps I will open myself up to that possibility. Jackass is a universal concept, and presents itself in a wide spectrum of races and ages, so maybe age is nothing more than a number.

Dating men older than myself, has proved worthless, so perhaps I should give someone a few years younger than me a chance. I’ve always whined,

I wanna be the young one in the relationship,”
but at the end of the day, does it matter? Does the how matter more than the what and the who? Respect and chivalry are essential, and if it comes in the form of a 23 or 25 year old, then why not give a whirl?

Anyway, I am just glad that I’m not feeling funky. These are more of the days I’d rather be having.

7 comments

  1. Yay for happy days! sorry the dating game has been rough on you, even if the younger ones arn't for you, maybe they will entertain you til Mr. Right gets the memo he's wanted, lol. Best wishes.

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  2. I've been thinking about dating someone younger too. I think it would be intresting. Coffee don't worry yourself to much your prince will arrive shortly.

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  3. I've been brushing off a younger gentleman caller (25 years old) for months now. I never go below 28, not for dating anyway, lol. Too much drama and babysitting, not to mention they're still discovering themselves and their new lifestyle. Add to that the financial and emotional instability...

    I want to say yes, just once, but it's not what I want in my life. And I'm afraid if I say yes once, he'll get attached. He already says he misses me, although we've never met in person. Go figure.

    Good luck, girl.

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  4. Anonymous6:12 PM

    I you just go with the energy (vibe), you simply can't make a bad decision.

    At least, that's what I keep telling myself!

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  5. @Elle: Yes, the dating game has been a pain the ass for me, but what can I say... you learn and move the hell on. Luckily, I'm not one of those women who wallows and stays in dysfunctional relationships with men, for the sole purpose of having a companion. Diversions can be fun, but once the novelty wears off, and their ugly start to shine through, I tell them to hit the bricks.

    @Beauty: I've been asked out a couple of times, but laughed it off as sheer infatuation on the young'uns' parts. The "worry" of ever finding my prince has worn off, but there are intermittent moments where I become somewhat "down" because I'm a year away form 30 and I'm still single... I just want him to hurry up before I become a dried up, old twat, w/ several cats.

    @Prico!: You now what, I hear you on this one! Upon further discussions and inspection, I'm finding that this one particular person may potentially be extremely needy, clingy, not driven enough, co-dependent upon the woman he essentially finds and ends up dating (it sure as hell won't be me), financially unstable, and sullen. I've been feeling sullen enough, I don't need some Danny Downer bringing me down further, particularly when I'm making every attempt to FEEL GOOD.

    @Hedonistic: I definitely believe in intuition, and mine is telling me that in this case, it ain't worth it. I need to just beeee patient... but man, I'm frustrated, antsy, and like I mentioned in another post, growing cold and 'right cynical... but yes, I'm trying to follow my energy and screen/act accordingly. I've been nervous about consulting the cards. ...

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  6. Um... I don't know shit about jack

    But I do know that you're quite bright. You write concisely, directly, sincerely and gracefully.

    You're still way young really. I didn't know shit when I was 30

    And I still don't at all... but it just doesn't matter as much

    after you've died a thousand times and there's only so many left to go, cold and crumpled and spent, the storm exhausted, a calm breeze slowly stirs you standingback upon your feet, you look around and there's not another soul in sight and nothing left you need to fight and you put down that heavy sword. and grin just because you know there is nothing that is yours to lose or win.....not what may come nor what has been

    and that's the day when you can turn around and walk the only way from the nemesis of all illusion.

    Or...... well, Effexor works for me

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  7. @Daniel: Thank you very much. I don't know shit about jack either. If I had all the answers, I wouldn't be lamenting so.

    I wouldn't say that I am "so young" but then again, I'm very impatient and expect things in my life to unfold a certain way, sans all these annoyances, before I'm "so old."

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