Still reeling from this past Friday night's visual of Hop Foot, laughing it up mere mili-feet away from me... I needed something to help push the image out of my head as well as keep my rising ire, at bay. Last night, I picked up the May, 2006 issue of Marie Claire... and perused... hmm... Which Celeb Cut Do You Want Most?... What's the Most You've Spent On Beauty?... keep flipping... Which Runway Style Attracts Him Most?... who cares.... Confessions of a Sex Spy... dog ear that page... Could You Give Up Your Razor for a Month?... nope... and then suddenly... Would You Trust This Man With Losing Your Virginity?...bingo, let's stop here. According to this article, there is a "volunteer sex corps" alive and banging (literally), in Japan! Apparently this corps of about 50 men- (between the ages of 28 and 63)- have graciously volunteered their time to deflower ambitious women, who simply don't have time to sex it up, because they're too busy fostering their fledgling careers, and have simply forgotten to... well... lose their virginities. This is, indeed, a lucrative business for acclaimed sex therapist and former professor Kim Myung Gan. Let's explore this further.... This society of men is handpicked (figuratively, I hope) by Myung Gan, after a strict and thorough selection process... based on their "sexual knowledge and sensitivity towards women." The chosen few (based in six cities throughout Japan)- then agree to sleep with clients, gratis- (because if money changed hands, they'd be mere man-whores rather than upstanding pillars of Japanese society)- "to help them gain sexual experience and ease their hang-ups." The article introduces us to a fashion forward, sharply bobbed web designer named Satomi, who is described as "young, successful, and the envy of all her girlfriends." Satomi is also a virgin whose rocker boyfriend is a verbally abusive prick, who doesn't cut it in the sack and attributes her frigidity for their lackluster sex life. Needless to say, Satomi utilized the clinic to help deflower her, in hopes that maybe, just maybe, her boyfriend will accept her now that she's newly sexed and broken in. Gettin' the old cherry popped also allowed Satomi the opportunity to compare her boyfriend's performance to someone else's. The verdict? Her boyfriend sucks in all the wrong ways... and she is, in fact, not frigid. The article also chronicles a 29 year old virginess, who lives at home with her mother and is considered too old to be chaste, according to Japan's changing social mores, a 40-year-old woman who is in a hapless marriage with a distant man, and a 47-year-old technology writer and corps volunteer ...who Satomi describes as being "pale and very overweight." Either way, he made Satomi feel like a natural woman and complimented her on her smooth, porcelain skin, and this is all that counts. For a paltry 20,000 yen ($170) and a 90-minute counseling session with Kim Myung Gan, you can feel like one too. For the record, if you're a virgin, Gan may strongly suggest that you go bareback, so that you can get the full sensation. He may also tell you that you needn't worry about diseases, because whilst the volunteers have slept with the bulk of Japan's aging virgins, they've all had vasectomies and have provided medical certificates proving they're STD free. Only those who've had a vasectomy, get a go at the virgins! Most of the volunteer cherry poppers are indeed married, with children. *sigh* Fast forward to today... I was reading a local arts and leisure magazine. There was an interesting article, that briefly detailed the background of Giacomo Casanova... most commonly known as simply, Casanova. Apparently he was more than just a womanizing cad. Casanova was quite the intellectual who partied with the likes of Mozart, Voltaire, and Catherine the Great. He knew how to throw a good fundraiser, and was a prolific writer as well. Experts say that Giacomo was a mama's boy, who was quite fond of his beautiful actress mother, but alas, she was more concerned with traipsing around the world behind her lovers (what a skank)... and therefore left him to his own devices. Experts also surmised that perhaps this is why Casanova bedded so many skeezers. His need to gratify hundreds of women may've been an unconscious attempt at trying to please his mother. Casanova bought a parrot, while in London, and taught it obscenities about a woman who'd rebuffed his advances. The bastard later sold the bird back to the market, so as to make a mockery of her (I'll bet that taught that bitch). Hmm... Anyway, the article shared wonderful quotes by the man himself, who claimed that the secret to his prowess was not to "conquer, but to submit." for sex was only better enjoyed when the pleasure was mutual. If you didn't speak English, you could forget about shagging this player, for he simply refused to put-out if there was a language barrier... "Without speech, the pleasure of love is diminished at least two-thirds," wrote he. What does this all mean... men volunteering to deflower women sans condoms, Casanova lauding the art of seduction??? What is the sum of these articles' parts? Well, it's quite simple. They equal that I need a date/lover/fiance/husband/lover before I'm old and dried up... sitting on the red-eye to Tokyo, reading, History of My Life!!