For some reason, watching women obliterate their antagonists- (regardless of sex, but fun to watch when the adversary in question is a man)- on-screen, makes me feel empowered. Seeing the swift, spinning, martial arts kicks of a petite Sarah Michelle Gellar as Buffy the Vampire Slayer, as she takes down vampires, demons, and jerks... sharp curtains of light reflected off her heels... use to keep me glued to the TV every Tuesday night. Or, watching Uma Thurman's tall, lithe frame kick major ass in her quest to find, and then kill Bill... each of her moves methodical, calculated, and deadly... was intoxicating. I even found myself rooting for the enemey, Go Go Yubari- (the Japanese school girl from vol.1). Go Go made an indelible impression as O-Ren Ishii's violent bodyguard. I think she left more of an impression than Lucy Liu's O-Ren did. Even after I saw Lucy offing someone's head in Kill Bill vol.2. Speaking of Lucy Liu, don't even get me started on the high impact fight scenes in both Charlie's Angels flicks. I'm sitting here pondering how unstoppable I'd be if I could kick ass and cross off names, but alas, I can't. My quick- (and at times evil)- wit just isn't sufficient enough to stave off retaliatory attacks. Provided the massive amounts of shit I talk, I"m surprised no one's socked me in the eye already. A razor sharp tongue just ain't the same as a razor sharp stiletto heel in the groin, to back it up. If I had the physical fortitude to learn these styles of fighting and the cunning of La Femme Nikita, I would christen myself Agent Provocateur, compose a list of all the lame asses I've flung with this year and hunt them down, patient as a lioness stalking her prey. Dressed in all black, I'd then sneak up on them at just the right moment and beat the shit out of them, pistol whipping in the air and all. So instead, I live vicariously through these vicious and violent sisters. I can be dream-lost, can't I? Here is a list of the most Bitch-tastic women to ever kick ass on screen. Faster Pussycats! Kill, Kill, Kill! Raffaela Anderson and Karen Lancaume, "Baise Moi": Everything these two women did in this French, Thelma and Louise on speed, flick was bad ass. Baise Moi (which translates to Fuck Me), is not for the faint of heart. This movie has a punk rock sensibility, and in some odd and random way, appealed to hardcore feminist. The one scene that I can't forget is when Raffaela and Karen bumrush a sex club, and got to shooting and killing. Seeing Raffaela cram the mouth of her pistol up some bigot's rectum- (He said, "this is a sex club, not a mosque" after she turned down his sexual advances)- as she forced him to snort like a pig and then pulled the trigger anyway, was priceless. Uma Thurman vs Daryl Hannah, Kill Bill V.2: Watching these two ferocious and tall blonds fight til the death, using sly moves- (she popped out Daryl's only other functioning eye!), swords, and wit-bitch repartee, were elasticizing moments indeed. They wore their comtempt for each other like badges of honor, which made the fight scene that much more intense. The martial arts moves were wicked. Sharon Stone, Basic Instinct: Police detectives tried to intimidate her in the hot, stuffy interrogation room but alas, to no avail. A pantiless Sharon Stone got the last laugh when she coolly crossed her legs. Revealing her naughty bit in all its glory, while detectives were left mometarily speechless, sweat droplets falling from their faces like steamy tears of lust. This one infamous scene is indicative of how a woman can, in fact, control nations and bring down powerful leaders. Hot. Elizabeth Berkley, Showgirls: I know, I know. This is an odd and laughable choice, considering this movie was panned nationwide. But it is a cult classic, and besides, you can't say it wasn't cool to see Elizabeth kick the living shit out of the sleazy rock star, who brutally raped her friend. That alone makes sitting through the whole movie, worthwhile. Tamara Dobson, Cleopatra Jones: Special agent, ass kicker who drove a wicked black corvette, and fought drug smuggling criminals with carefully orchestrated kung-fu moves. It was exciting to see a beautiful Black woman on-screen in that capacity, kicking some major ass. Last but, most certainly not least Pam Grier: The reigning queen of the "blaxploitation" genre, Pam held her own, fiercely. As Foxy Brown or Coffy, she was dead sexy. Yes, her tits would pop out during fight scenes, but Pam was/is a voluptuous powerhouse who kicked druglord ass by flaunting her sexiness while triumphing over her male perps. She makes me proud to be a tough, voluptuous, black woman. Now if I could only learn how to swing a wicked spin-kick...