Sundance Film Festival 2005 - Part One

Ahh, so my time at this year's Sundance Film Festival has come and gone. Oh, the memories... the memories (insert sigh). Well, what can I say, my first festival was wicked. I will spare the details of my flight... i.e. the overwhelming smell of residual flatulence, the pains of sitting in the aisle seat, wedgies in my face, a grandma who smelled of baby doo-doo, wicked gas pains, and unpleasantries of the like. I will hop right into the meat of the matter... Pictures will soon follow, at some point... Well, after two excruciating layovers in Cleveland and Texas respectively, I finally arrive in Salt Lake City. It is here that I meet up with The Notorious C.A.T. decked out in her new, snow white D.K.N.Y. long, goose-down coat, with a hood trimmed in fur... well, what can I say, the coat was bad. So yeah, we meet up and get squared away with our shuttle business. Cat tells me that Roger Ebert was on her flight... she passed by him in first class on her way to coach (tee hee). Celeb sighting numero uno. She tells me that during one of her layovers (in Chicago I believe) some guy slips Rog. some package that contains a body of his work and says how he's an up and coming journalist. She says that Rog. looks at the package and mumbles, "What's this?" as he stares at C.A.T. for answers. Cat merely shrugs her way past Roger, smirking in earnest. So Cat goes to check-in about the shuttle and I go retrieve my luggage from baggage claim... I swear that I see a haggard looking Laura Linney sans make-up looking for her luggage to make the rounds. I am not 110% sure that it was Laura but my heart tells me it was. If it was her, then she looks sorta whupped w/out her stage makeup, if it wasn't her... then I stand corrected Laura. So we get squared away and wait for our shuttle to pick us up and take us to the Copperbottom Inn, where we're staying. Our van picks us up and it's starting to fill up with other passengers. Cat says she needs to go to the ATM machine and she rushes back into the airport. I score a seat in the back and try to save a spot for her, to no avail. I am chagrined when too young women around my age squeeze in next to me. Which sucks, because apparently they'll be the last ones to get off. I'm tempted to just move but I say forget it. I am tired and I have a wicked gas bubble percolating in my left side and up my back. Anyway, Cat hurries back to the van and sits in front of me, next to a young, pleasant Canadian woman, whose Italian boyfriend (seated up front) is a film producer looking to purchase some films at the festival. During the ride Cat and the woman strike up a conversation with each other. There're also two other passengers in addition to myself, Cat, the two chicks next to me, the Canadian woman, and her boyfriend, and of course the driver. Now all is quiet in the van until the bitches next to me (from L.A. no doubt) start going on some disruptive tirade on their cell phones about Liz Claiborne jeans and their jobs being on the line and shit of the like. It's almost like they were acting brash on purpose, trying to appear more important than they actually were. All was tranquil during this hour long van ride 'til they started mouthing off to one another name dropping and yapping obnoxiously on their cell phones... and if that weren't enough, they were so rude to the driver. One of the chicks (she looked sort of mannish in the face) commented to her boyfriend on the phone... "Yeah, they said they'd have a car for us, but I thought it was gonna be a cab or a limo not a van..." blahblahblah... "and they have to drop like 10 other people off at their hotels and we're last to be dropped off..." blah blah blah I just wanted to say, "shuuut the fuck up, PLEASE" I think everyone was probably thinking the same thing. Then she and her friend would go on the same obnoxious tirade about their jobs or whatever professional mishap they were having, then they would sigh heavily over and over again at the ride, then one of them would remark, "This is gonna take forever... SIGH!" When one of the passengers would get dropped off. Having those two wenches in the van seemed to increase the duration of the ride... Then one would get on the phone and be like, "Hi, so and so, this is Kristin from Lucky magazine..." or "Hi, such and such, this is Lauren from William Morris" Man, I was doing some heavy eye rolling, because these two turdish biatches were pissing me off with their obnoxious, behaviour. Then the driver, juuust to be certain was going around the van, asking the remaining passengers where they were staying to make sure his itinerary was right... Then he gets to bitch 1 and 2... instead of simply answering the question, one looks at the other and shrugs as if she wants to know why the driver is talking to her because she is just soooo important, and then she goes, "Um, we're placed pressed." The driver is all, "Um, okay, but I want to know where your hotel is, because that way I will know if you need to check in or if they'll have a key for you, because I saw a lot of press there, and they already had keys waiting for you... so this is all I want to know." Point, blank, period. One of the chicks then goes, "Oh, they must be from New Jersey, they're probably from Cosa Bella, We're from Lucky" Obviously these bitches don't know how to answer a simple question, because they're too busy trying to appear self important. Luckily our stop is next in line! Anyway, so we get finally get to what I think is a simple hotel room.... and to our surprised, it's a fully furnished, fully stocked APARTMENT! It looked just like my old apartment. It had a kitchen, a large fridge, stove, microwave, cups, plates, utensils, oven, couch, chairs, patio, fireplace, bedroom, two bathrooms... etc. This is by far, one of the nicest places I've ever stayed in! We were floored! (pics of the Copperbottom will soon follow as well). After we got our bearings and relaxed a bit... we mapped out a plan as to what movies we were going to go see etc etc. Then decided to go grocery shopping, since we had a crib with all of the amenities. We then headed to the in-house restaurant, Chez Betty for some fancy French-American fare. The waitstaff was extremely accommodating, especially when they learned we were from the East Coast and not L.A. tee hee. They even gave us some complimentary caviar and Crème Fraiche atop a thin, crisp, cracker... ahhh, the life... And this is only the first night of our arrival. Look out for part two... Where Tiff and the Notorious C.A.T. get wasted... Cat asks for an "Earl Greyer... repeatedly" and yells out that she "Needs Me!" in a netcafe and then Tiff throws a "Bitch Fit" when we get turned away from an arthouse film called 9 Songs.

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