Coffee Rhetoric: Insomnia
Showing posts with label Insomnia. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Insomnia. Show all posts

January 12, 2010


Screw sleep. Screw my main squeeze. I'm going to burn the midnight oil again, this fine evening... as my vigil is never ending. I'm on a quest and time is limited. I need something stronger than my familiar lover, to sustain... and to escape if only for an hour or so. My brain needs a welcome reprieve from the trials and tribs of everyday stuff... My brain just refuses to turn off. When it's on, it's on, until the break of dawn. Since I can't seem to get to sleep, may as well imbibe... if anything, I may fall into a restful slumber. That is all.

Witching Hour

I live basement level. Last night, during the wee hours, the pipes put up quite a ruckus. Banging! Clanging, Thrashing, ... the sounds were akin to someone hitting a metal baseball bat against a steel pole, with brute force over and over and over again. Pause. Then over again. Or perhaps something was trying to force its way through the heating vents above my bed? Was ceiling cat trying to make a nervous breakthrough? I'm not sure. Either way, I woke up in fits and starts. My heart leaped with every loud clang. I was already restless and edgy. I'm a chronic insomniac, and so was hungry for any semblance of sleep I could get. I'd suddenly drift off, and then CLANG! My heart thumped against my chest and my head started to throb. My mind started running its ever increasing lap. I tried in vain to lull and soothe my thoughts... to no avail. A bit paranoid and somewhat leery, I didn't get to sleep until 4AM. I felt like Catherine Deneuve, in Roman Polanski's psychological thriller, 'Repulsion,' minus the androphobia and sexual repression.
This late-late evening, I am still restless. While the malevolent spirit that lives in the vents is quietly lying in wait. Anxiety won't offer me any reprieve. I'm worried about many things. I'm antsy. I'm apprehensive. I'm resolute. I'm petulant. My eyelids are heavy and my retinas burn with fatigue. I want to cry frustrated tears, but because I'm resolute, I can't manage to squeeze any out... So, I'm keeping a vigil at this late hour ...

June 02, 2009

Just 'Cuz...

... It's after 1AM in the morning and I have insomnia. My eyelids are quite heavy, but they won't allow me to drift. I've sought out rare music from one of my favorite artist. Dwele. It doesn't get anymore chill than this... I feel myself going under already.

March 25, 2009

Sleepless in...

It's 3:50 AM and I can't sleep. I've been drifting off and on since about 7pm. ... But not before I watched a scary movie... My books just toppled off to the side and knocked into my plant... but the movie can't be it...
I just brushed my teeth again, and applied and Mint Julep face mask... I'm still up.
I'm currently watching Strangers with Candy... a little comedy to cancel out the earlier movie's dark images of restless spirits... but I'm still up... blogging.
I supposed to wake up in an hour 1/2. I'm hoping I'm able to, because I can't seem to sleep soundlessly.
I pissed around a little, hoping to tire myself out. I washed out a wine glass, I cleaned out my coffee pot, I set it up and hit auto delay to brew later, this early-early morning. Cuban coffee... I put enough grounds to make it extra strong. But yet here I am... blogging at 3:58 AM.

January 31, 2008

Diary of an Insomniac

Work, drop some Visine, keep busy to avoid nodding, moodiness, irritability sans reason, multiple bathroom breaks, coffee, coffee sludge, more coffee, water, hard candy, lemonade, vitamins, home, eat, tv, more tv, read, eyes wide open into the wee hours, close eyes for a couple of hours, wake up, channel surf half heartedly, fall asleep, wake up two hours later, massage swollen feet, iron out kinks in neck and back, shuffle to the shower, shuffle through the morning, rush to the bus stop, rush to work, Work, drop some Visine, keep busy to avoid nodding, high strung, sudden burst of energy, candy coffee, powdered lemonade mix, erotic day dreams, burning eyes, blow nose, eat almonds, drink more coffee, ... wine, coffee, coffee, wine, hallucinate, doze, wake up with a jolt, doze, watch infomercials, doze, doze... sleep, wake up 2 hours later, shuffle... doze... work... coffee... .... .... Visine, Advil, Pamprin, coffee, heavy lids, tea, news, infomercials, unintelligible, snooze button, thoughts wont be quiet. ... heavy lids... heavy. thtoughs. wont. be. QUIET. lids. thoughts... heavy lids... thoughts wont be quiet... ... ... pass out fully clothed, not having washed face. wake up at 3 AM, pajamas, wake up hour 1/2 later... heavy. lids. lids. SNOOZE, BUTTON, .. .... coffee. ... ... auto pilot. *yawwwwwn* coffee.... vit.a.mins ... autopilot.

June 21, 2007

All So Quiet

The time between 5AM-6:30AM is very comforting. There is this soothing placidity... a sudden stillness, as if the city is suspended between space and time. The cars that drive by are few and far between. The wailing sirens, trucks rumbling past, the train's whistle, and obnoxious motorcycle engines are nowhere to be heard... offering me a much needed reprieve, if only for an hour and 1/2. The only sound I hear is the slight breeze tickling the leaves on the trees and well kept brush, outside my window. I look across, at windows adjacent to mine and don't spy any early risers or room lights that've been flicked on. I feel as if I am the only one awake and that I have the city of downtown Hartford (CT) all to myself. Suddenly life's trials and tribulations don't seem so overwhelming. The whirring of my fan contributes to the calm before the impending chaos (garbage trucks, honking horns, garbage pails being dragged across the asphalt, etc)- and I use this time to hurriedly take a match to the tip of a tea light candle and meditate. But not before cursing myself for sleeping in until the last minute on those lazy mornings (which are often), I kept pushing the SNOOZE button over and over again, every 9 minutes... missing this golden opportunity to center myself and enjoy this solitary moment! I know last night was restless, due to the incessant motorcycle sounds, literally every 10 seconds... each one more guttural than the last... I got this annoying feeling in my gut... like indigestion, my annoyance ran so deep. I finally had to dig for some earplugs and shove them in my ear sockets, just to be able to fall asleep. I don't want to live in a rural area. I love urban living despite all its shortcomings and noise pollution. Perhaps this is why quiet times like these mean such a great deal to me. ...
**Note to self: Stop hitting the SNOOZE button, and drag your lazy hulk out of bed, to relish more of these moments**

January 16, 2007

Home Alone

Recently I watched a film called Sugar- directed by Reynold Reynolds and starring Samara Golden- on DVD. Sugar first appeared at the Sundance Film Festival in 2005 and due to it being sold out, I didn't get the opportunity to see it then. It had limited distribution, and is finally out on DVD. So I was looking forward to seeing it. Sugar is an acquired taste. It's very dark and at times, unnerving, but it's definitely an interesting study. It was reminiscent of Roman Polanski's Repulsion, starring Catherine Deneuve. Both films star young women, living or left home alone in a large city, to face their fears. Their fears seem to overwhelm them, as they slowly unravel. Every sound, every shadow, slowly but surely causing them to come undone as they become prisoners to their solitude. I live alone, and I enjoy it most times. These past few days, I stayed in. I've become a bit of a homebody, not needing to (or feeling like) going out or socializing, but my cabin fever has started to get to me, so I went out in the frigid weather today. I touched on the slight horrors of living alone a little bit, before. Two nights ago, I heard someone walk by my door, keys jingling, and I jumped up and watched the crack underneath every fifteen minutes or so. Every little sound or creak started to affect me. I swore I saw a shadow stop underneath the crack of my door... I know it didn't, but I felt there was a presence there... a slight cessation in front of my door. I put on my headphones, and listened to some Amy Winehouse on my MP3 player... to drown out the barely audible sounds, I imagined? I was soaking in the bath last night, and everytime I heard someone walk past my door, I felt myself lose it, just a little bit. Every so often, I'd lean outside the side of the tub, just to check. Finally I just pushed my bathroom door shut, lit a Patchouli incense stick, and pulled my shower curtain closed. This was the only way I could enjoy my warm, late night bath. I'm not one of those people who requires a roommate or a live- in other. I enjoy my privacy, but having seen these films... about these solitary young women, living alone, in an urban area... I think I truly get it and I felt what these characters were experiencing. One floor above me, I hear this strange squeaking noise (even now as I type this) at odd moments throughout the early and then late evening. It's definitely not a bed, weighed down by two oversexed lovers, but it sounds like a weird contraption of some sort. Like a heavy piece of machinery. I don't know if I'm directly below the laundry room or if someone has decided they like to work with this mysterious piece of machinery when they feel so inclined to do so. It's a sound one might hear in a boiler room or basement. I sleep with my fan turned to the highest setting (despite the cold weather)... its sound is similar to white noise and it drowns out that squeaking sound... it's the only way I seem to be able to sleep these days. These feelings of "repulsion" contribute to my sudden insomnia, as of late. That and restless thoughts. Last night was a fitful sleep. I woke this morning, tangled in my bedsheets, agitated and unrested. Sometimes it's scary and it's downright discomfiting. As I wrote in a recent post, I'm very observant of the minutiae, and it can be rather annoying at times. I miss the days when I slept like a corps and was oblivious to any and all things occurring outside. I'm reminded of a time, once as a teenager, when the house next door caught on fire and neighboring residents had to evacuate. I practically slept through the whole thing, and my mother had to practically slap me, to get me to wake up and out the door.