Coffee Rhetoric: ID Discovery
Showing posts with label ID Discovery. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ID Discovery. Show all posts

June 15, 2012

In Which Coffee Rhetoric Explores Dates From Hell

ID Discovery has found yet another re-enactment driven reality series to put the fear in folks. A new show called Dates From Hell, set to air sometime within the month or next, will feature stories (from mostly women, I presume) recounting harrowing and life threatening experiences while out on dates with folks, who undoubtedly appeared charming at first. On the Coffee Rhetoric page, I asked people to share their most nightmarish or embarrassing dating stories.

Jessica wrote... 
I met a guy from Eharmony for coffee once. In the interest of full disclosure he informed me that he had just gotten out of prison for burning down a local restaurant. He claimed he "did not like his pancakes." Needless to say, that was our one and only encounter. I shudder to think what he'd do to me if I cooked him a meal he did not enjoy!
In a story that would definitely make for an interesting episode on "Dates From Hell", ShayandLarry Strickland shared... 
On my fourth date with an IT tech who was on call and had to stay home near his computer and asked if we could do dinner and a rented movie at his place. I was like okay, so we went to Blockbuster. He asked me to pick a movie from a genre I like and so I did (can't remember which movie but it was a horror movie). He said he would pick a Horror movie too and picked up a Tom Hanks movie to which I laughed and said, "That is what you think a horror movie is?" He abruptly threw the movie to the ground, grabbed my hand and hurried me out of the place. In his car he turned to me and said in a thundering, screamy voice, "How dare you disrespect me!" I was like, "Hunh?" Then he went on a tirade about how women should never contradict their husbands in public and he was two seconds from choking me. I promptly got out of the car went back into the store and called someone to pick me up. Needless to say I stop contacting him. He IM'd me once to say, "I hope you've learned your lesson and we can pick up where we left off since I have calmed down." 

Reading people's anecdotes brought me back to a hellish night I experienced one cold November evening in 2005 that involved some wine wrangling, a prosthetic foot, and bad-touching. I was so awe-struck, I had to split it up in five chapters, in a post called...

Curiosity Killed The Cat: A Long Discourse in Five Chapters... 


Wednesday afternoon found me antsy and anxious to leave work early, to run what I imagined would be, some quick errands, as my best friend Cat was coming to visit through to Sunday evening. A lovely, hearty time was had. No complaints about her visit. What transpired later on in the evening, following her safe arrival, however was a whole other matter. Let me walk you through it. P.S. I pondered not sharing this story because I am trying desperately to block it from my mind. Yes. It's safe to say I was traumatized. Cat surmised that it was just too funny (albeit it a little freaky) not to share. 

Chapter I

About a week and 1/2 ago, I put a profile up on a popular social-networking site, in hopes of maintaining contact with those friends spread-out around the country. It seemed innocent enough. I was not looking for dates; but was open to gaining new contacts and networking, in addition to staying in touch with friends. I filled in my profile stats and uploaded some “artsy” looking pictures of myself. Messages started trickling into my inbox, most of which were from local men varying from ages 20 to 38 and some of whom wrote the following... 

"Yo, you like white guys? If you do, then I'm da one, holla".
Or …

"Yo, your name coffey fits you, because you're dark and delicious, no disrespect". 

And my personal fave…

"Yo' coffey, you caffeinated enough to keep me up all night?" 

Another was a lengthy request from a man from Ghana who said that if I wasn't interested in being his pen pal, he would appreciate it if I'd pass his information on to someone else who would be. Delete. I chuckled at the messages (to mask my dismay) and immediately trashed them in the cyber-bin. Some inboxes were innocent enough; requesting to be put on my friends list, so I obliged. I even sent a friend request to poet and actor, Saul Williams, to which he promptly accepted and reciprocated, I was stoked. Needless to say, I started exchanging messages with a man, 29 years old. We in-boxed back and forth and he seemed normal enough. We seemed to share similar interests, he lived close-by, he was respectful and very articulate; I made sure to compliment him for acting respectful in his initial query to be virtual friends. Weeks later, he offered his phone number and asked me to call him at my leisure. A week after receiving the number, I’d finally mustered up the courage to use it. In my defense, it had also been an extremely hectic month for me, so I simply just didn't have the time to call a stranger. He was patient, seeming to understand. 

So on a Tuesday at around 9pm, I finally decided to call him. I got his voice-mail (sigh of relief). He sounded pleasant on his voice greeting. I left a message, which included my phone number. I told him I'd be busy the next couple of days, because my best friend was visiting from out of town, but that I'd try to call back, perhaps from work. I supplemented my voice-mail message with an email, asking for a reprieve, because I didn't want him to think I was a wishy-washy jerk, because I kept telling him I'd call, and didn't. He e-mailed me back and assured me that he understood and mentioned he was out having dinner with friends anyway, and didn’t think I was being a flake at all. 


What are some of YOUR hellish dating stories?
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