Project Get Back to the Middle...
... has now begun. Trying to climb back into myself and regain my position in the center.
This morning was leisurely. I had some time to fiddle with, so I was deliberate with it. A simple omelete, black coffee... sipped slowly. I realize it's rather hot and humid outside, but I needed it to be hot and black. I find this particular nectar soothing.
My thoughts are also unrushed. I haven't gone out yet. But I'm determined not to become agitated today. I know my funk is more than the standard PMS. I can't bring myself to say the dreaded D word here, so we'll go with funk. My Pride and Ego are too proud for that revelation. But I'm determined to be my normal, aloof, snobby with reason, shoulder-brushing self. I feel okay today, (although I must admit, the snobbery and aloofness hasn't waned).
Perhaps I'll do some manual journaling, with my wicked, magic sword (my pen). I haven't done that in a spell. That load of laundry I keep stored away in my closet, away from blog-reading eyes. I went to bed at 3AM last night. I could not sleep, which is never usually a problem for me, when I feel tired. I decided to purge on here. After logging off, I slept like a baby wearing a cute eye mask. For all 3 or 4 hours.
I feel pretty good now... I've yet to shower and dress, but once I do I know I will feel even better!
7 comments
I'm glad you're feeling better!, it's good to be alone those cloudy days, I prefer my solitary confinement during those moments of fustration, After all you'll only find happines in yourself, people can give you Happy moments, but happines and peace are always up to you and only you.
One thing that always makes me feel a lot better about life...not going to work for a couple days.
My Pride and Ego are too proud for that revelation.
that's one reason why it took me YEARS to get help for my depression, anxiety, OCD (I have a looovely potpourri of chemical imbalance - nice!) ANYWAY I totally understand, I am a strong person & to think a) there could be something wrong with me & b) I wasn't strong enough to fight it on my own was CRUSHING
Eventually I realized I was stronger by ADMITTING I couldn't do it on my own. NOT saying you need help, or meds (like I do, I don't have a choice) BUT don't ever feel like you're weak or anything if you DO find you need help.
There, that's my lecture for the day LOL
Hey you all! Thanks for the vote of encouragement!
Jenner, I don't think my issues are clinical as they are just stress, frustration with all the things that're going WRONG, me feeling like my karma is mucked up, and just this feeling of being overwhelmed with life's daily hassles and feeling stagnant! I feel like I work hard, have paid my dues, bust my chops and have jack to show for it.
I feel resentful towards people who coast, lie, and B.S. their way to success. Or people who're just lazy, but don't seem to endure all the flipping bad luck that's raining down on me as of late.
Perhaps my stars are unaligned.
I feel like I'm drowning.
I know what my primary issue is, and am trying (seemingly in vain) to remedy it.
Amadeo, I need MORE than a couple of days off from work! I'll leave that comment at that.
I think perhaps seeking the advice from an objective party will help me gain some perspective and get a handle on things.
you need your stars aligned?? call me!
@Bea Gass...
What're you doing tomorrow hon? And bring a few bottles of good, stiff stuff, two envelopes bulging w/ cold, hard, cash, and a plane ticket somewhere exotic and mediterranean.... That should get my stars right in order.
purge
i take the malcolm x advice. a man needs only 4hours to recharge. and some good black coffee (well considering i had only 2 hours ...)
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