Coffee Rhetoric: hilarious
Showing posts with label hilarious. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hilarious. Show all posts

July 29, 2011

Coffee Buzz: Jendayi "Makingyoulaff" Covington For the Win!

Jendayi w/ Sherri Shepherd
I recently had the opportunity to speak with up-and-coming comedienne and Hartford native, Jendayi Covington, who was fresh from and excited over her official (make or break) debut at Gotham Comedy Club in New York City, where she’d just graduated. Jendayi, who was always keen at making people laugh was prodded into taking the class after a friend (with the help of a Groupon), paid for her to take a course at Gotham... 
“I didn’t really take it seriously when she bought me the course and I also don’t really know my way around New York… I’m not familiar with it. It took me three months to take the course.” Jendayi explained. “Once I decided to call and take the course, I started commuting from Connecticut to New York every week.”
Reluctant at first, Jendayi decided to ease on down the road towards becoming a successful comedienne. It just happened that on her first day, instructor and prolific comedy writer and comedienne in her own right,  Karen Bergreen was out sick. Jendayi hit a wall in the form of a dour substitute instructor who probably had been heckled to death during their attempts at stand-up. Jendayi had entered her first day of class with a routine she hadw ritten on scraps of paper- (still unfamiliar with the standard format for comedy writing) - and stood up to present her set, in hopes of receiving constructive criticism. Instead, Substoot Teecher and possible dream killer, bitingly told Jedayi how terrible her material was, causing her to become conflicted over whether she should return to Gotham or not. 
Having reached an impasse, Jendayi sent an impassioned email to Karen Bergreen, expressing the apprehension the first class had caused her... 
“After Karen responded, I felt so much better!” Jendayi said. “She told me not to flood my mind watching other comedians… to be myself, because all comedians are not the same. That they’re telling stories about their lives. After that email discussion, my faith and passion was restored, because I LOVE to write. That first class and other people’s critiques were giving me writer’s block and I was nervous and in tears, I was so overwhelmed.” 
Determined but still unsure how to redeem herself, Jendayi (who's also a hairstylist) - marched into her next class at Gotham, having decided to perform the very same set that was initially shot down by the Substoot, for Karen Bergreen. 
“I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE THIS!” Bergreen reportedly exclaimed. “Don’t change a thing!”
Jendayi w/ the incomparable Paul Mooney!
Jendayi performed at her class’s graduation at Gotham Comedy Club. With encouragement from her husband to be herself and to “mentally shut down the noise from critics." Jendayi also recalled her class with fondness and a hint of WTF voice, when relaying some of the material her classmates had presented in class... 
"Comedy comes with a certain maturity level... You have to have a thick skin and be a great writer and comedy class has a lot of freedom, of speech, so some people were just saying some random, crazy stuff... making inappropriate comments about natural catastrophes and saying things about other races... you gotta understand timing and flow. You either have it or don't." 
She invited all of her family and friends to make the trip to see her perform during graduation, chartering a bus just  six days prior, selling out seats to family, friends, and her supporters, who rolled deep to her graduation and subsequent performance. Her set elicited major kudos from Gotham Comedy Club producer, Andy Engel... who was floored by Jendayi’s routine and spoke highly of her to The View co-host and comedienne Sherri Shepherd, who she later networked with ... 
“The feedback was tremendous! I got a standing ovation that night! Not just from my supporters who came out to see me… but from the whole audience! Andy, who doesn’t co-sign someone’s unless they’re really good, gave me a hug at the end and so did Karen. It was awesome! I got introduced to Sherri Shepherd as the best student and I got to network with her… it was… just so cool.” Jendayi recalled, seemingly still overcome by the experience. 
“My Facebook wall was filled with feedback from other comedians. DJ Big Man (from Hot 93.7) shouted me out on the radio the next morning and my phone was ringing off the hook. Promoters were calling me… People were Facebook messaging me, offering to be my manager... it was crazy!” she recalled. 
Well-schooled and full of undeniably raw talent, Jendayi is definitely equipped with all the right tools to keep people in stitches. Don't sleep on her... 
Check her out on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/jendayi.scott


April 26, 2009

Brilliant!

Dear Male (or Female- I'm fair) Populace,
Here's a NOBLE idea. It's a brilliant suggestion in fact. Listen close! ...

Don't date a woman, tell her how much you like her, engage in an adagio dance with her, and then blindside her out of the blue with: "I REALLY like you, and would obviously much rather be with you, but I'm old, desperate and lonely and am about to push my seed in the bush of some dysfunctional, narcissistic bitch who once treated me like dog doo-doo and had a gang bang in a hotel room once with 4 (or so) random men and called and told me about it, knowing it'd make me feel inadequate.

It's a horrible idea, she's not my soul mate, my friends think I'm stupid for being equivalent to toilet paper, I hate her guts, BUT I feel like this is my last shot to have a kid. I don't want to be lonely like the old men I see sitting in Borders Books and Music. I have to at least try. She called me a week ago, and said she'd be willing to bear my rotten seed, even though she agreed to once before when we were dating and then abruptly changed her mind, leaving me depressed and suicidal."
Okay, perhaps not in those exact words, but close enough true to life. Anyway, don't ever tell a woman that mmmkay? Casually dating or not, it sucks and is downright weird. Moreover, don't ask the woman on the receiving end of such nonsense, to agree to resume contact with you, to continue being your friend and "hang out" with you while you attempt to or are considering impregnating another. More importantly, don't ask her if you could still see her if things "don't work out" with getting said other hooker knocked up, and don't guilt trip her for mocking and cursing you afterward by whining...
"I know it's a bad idea, but you aren't interested in having children, and I feel like this is my only shot. I should at least trrrry. I doubt it'll even work out but I gotta try."

See, engaging in this type of behavior is a surefire way to get laughed at, verbally berated, cut, pepper sprayed in the eyes, or shot at. It's just not cool. Procreating with someone who treats you like dirt, you don't even love, and who loves you even less makes you seem desperate and pathetic. Fortunately there are still those of us who have the wherewithal to laugh and politely ask the likes of you to go to hell and to disappear out of their lives STAT. Of all the bizarre dating episodes, this rates right up there. It even has foot guy from this post beat.

The dating world is teeming with extraordinarily dumb fart knockers like this middle aged one (yes, douchery is universal and crosses all ages, economic levels, races, and levels of intellect. The shit is widespreading, like the swine flu.) I'm overwhelmingly amused and can't stop laughing. What clownery! Also, what a rotten reason to have a child. What a selfish and inconsiderate way to bring a child into existence, other than from the love of two people, who aren't in need of anti-depressants. You'll always be lonely. You don't need a kid, you need intense therapy. Batshit, loony, drama-filled women of the world UNITE. You'll always have some el stupido, insecure, manic depressive jackass to love you long time, and return like a lost dog finding its way back home. That is all.

February 01, 2008

Bus Tales: Miguel

This Friday was a long and tiring day. I'm convinced that once Friday comes, we're put through the ringer on purpose by some antagonistic force, as a way to make us EARN the luxury of relaxing, after having made it through another tedious work week. The day drags on, there's one annoying occurrence after another, your feet hurt, headaches abound, and no amount of watching the time will make it go any faster. You're stuck. You simply must ride the wave until you're finally washed ashore, gasping from its impact. Speaking of washed ashore, it also rained buckets, like a pregnant woman does right before she gives birth. It was chilly, wet, dreary and gray. Making today even longer and more harried.
In any event, I got my favorite and most comfortable pair of boots repaired. Shoe repairmen and makers impress and fascinate the hell out of me. I'm always stoked when I go pick up a pair of shoes that I've taken in to be repaired at a relatively low price. It's like buying brand new shoes. Of course my favorite part of the transaction is seeing the satisfaction on the repairman's face, as you exclaim, "Wow! They look great! Thank you!" as he nods knowingly. In any event, I braved the element called rain to go get them. I simply couldn't wait until Monday. I wore them home. The bus ride home was equally as tedious, in addition to crowded, long, and wet... but oh so amusing. Let me explain...
A harried Hispanic man with is head shaved completely bald, clad in light wash jeans (very late 80's, early 90's), and a thin hooded jacket boarded the bus holding an open can of Coke. Rather than sit down, he stood next to the driver and directly in front of me rambling on in a gravelly voice... in Spanglish to the bus driver. The conversation went as follows...

"Mira! You goin' to Garden Street?" Bus driver (also Hispanic) nods. Then asks him in English where he needs to get off at. Agitated, the man then launches into some strange (and extremely comical) story about his roommate Miguel. He says some other things in Spanish before loudly exclaiming, "Man, I just got back from Home Depot! I had to go cash my check and go all da' way to Home Depot because my roommate Miguel, he left me with $1001 in back rent!!" He mutters some other things in spanglish to the driver. "My roommate just escaped from the convalescent home and everything and the cops came lookin' for him, right? The cops kicked in my door man! Lookin' for Miguel. I told them he wasn't here! They had the nerve to tell me I hadda pay a hundred dollas to replace that door that THEY kicked in!!"

Bus driver mutters something I can't hear because I've got my face buried in my coat, trying to hide my smirk. Miguel's roommate complains,
"I said, how come I gotta pay it!! I didn't kick it in! Ya'll kicked in my door and now I gotta pay?? Man, I went to Home Depot and bought everything I needed. I bought a new lock, the cement (or whatever he said) to make it hard... I said I'll fix it mahself! I paid forty dollas for all that stuff! I fixed the door myself!" They came kicking in MY door, I said Miguel ain't here. I live here. This is MY apartment. I pay the rent!"
"Yo, they kicked in my door. I fixed everything but the lock. THEN they told me I gotta pay fifty dollas to replace the lock!"

"You know, Miguel he's, he's 62 years old and he escaped from the convalescent home, and they lookin' for him 'cause they said he suicidal! He's got a lotta pro'lems!"

"Yo, so look... *insert more spanglish*... then Miguel had the nerve to come ova' to MY place, breakin' up my mailbox and shit... so I took pictures of him, you know, destroying my mailbox, then I beat his ass down! I kicked his ass!"
"I got arrested for assault! I was like, look! Mira! He came over destroying MY property, so you know, I showed them the pictures I took on my phone, of Miguel trashing and breaking up my mailbox and shit. So they reduced the charge to disturbing the peace! I hadda go to court and they just gave me a PTA (whatever that means) and that's all. But still. They still lookin' for Miguel. Alright man, gracias!"
Then he proceeds to grab his open can of Coke, flick his hood up on his bald head, hunched his shoulders in response to the wintry chill, and descended the stairs, thereby concluding the embattled tale of Miguel. ...

Fin

December 11, 2007

Guilty Pleasure

I caught this video on the tele this afternoon. Is it wrong that I like it? I don't know. It feels right. Snoop looks like the drunken uncle, showing out at the annual BBQ, after a few jiggers of Crown Royal. All of a sudden I'm feeling nostalgic for Zapp & Roger's Computer Love.