Coffee Rhetoric: Shutup
Showing posts with label Shutup. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Shutup. Show all posts

March 02, 2012

Date Like A Dummy, Think Like a Foolio, REDUX

Foreword: Overcoming Interracial Dating Myopia

I realize this is the second time I've re-posted an essay but I've been a bit lazy busy working on a few other things and I've got a few topic ideas I need to mentally sift through before blogging them. Additionally, I've been reading some rather… disappointing things across the Black Blogosphere and feel that certain posts apply. Rather than blogging the same thing in some other written variation, I figured I'd offer a brief foreword as a prelude to the re-post. I've been reading some interesting articles (none of which I care to link) and some equally as interesting-- (if not downright disturbing) -- commentary from readers... many of whom are Black women. It seems as if a certain sub-group of my sistren has the dating game all twisted and are vigilant about 'White Knighting' other ill-informed forum commentators… throwing other Black women under the bus in the process.
The concept of agreeing to disagree, respectfully, seems to get lost in translation whenever the issue of interracial dating comes up.

Living and letting live, would be the ideal way for one to date however, those of my sistren (mostly) and brethren who are emphatic about dating other don't seem to be genuine in their dating intentions, as they almost seem to be political. In pushing their agenda(s); climbing on a soapbox and using their respective relationships to antagonize others for who they're attracted to-- (even going so far as to resort name-calling). In being completely frank in my assessment, much of the vitriol I read, came (and comes) from a collective of Black women who are seemingly still hurt by prior relationships and harbor feelings of resentment (despite proclamations of feeling empowered and free). I actually just learned about terms like "DBR" (Damaged Beyond Repair) - Black men and have read pointed attack-words like "stupid, weak, (fat) Black women" and my favorite, "DBR enablers".  Language like this is counterproductive and sanctimonious, as the people at the helm of the hate, demand to have the right to love who they want to love yet, can't seem to do so in earnest.

I never understood why the topic of interracial dating has us (the Black community) at such odds with one another; or why some folks are supposedly so happy with the opportunity to explore their options, yet are so pressed by who someone else is sleeping with or dating and seem bent on projecting their personal aesthetic on others… and will lash out when all their prodding is rejected.
What the hell is wrong with us? Why can't folks just genuinely like who they like, date and marry who they want to date and marry, without there needing to be a motive or agenda behind it; and leave other folks to their own dating devices? Do we really need a How-to manual written by a few self-righteous proselytizers with an axe to grind on something as superficial as "how to attract a White man", belittling other Black women for not trying "something new" and demanding that they mold themselves to fit a beauty mold, dictated by societal norms? Additionally, do we need to be subjected to rap songs ridiculing Black women for not having the right complexion or hair? People who are genuinely empowered, free, and secure with their dating choices, don’t need to indulge in extraneous foolery. Folks have got the game all twisted and need to succumb to the four G’s (Good Goddess Get a Grip!) Just... stop.

Anyway, without further ado...

March 26, 2011

Attack of The Social Networking Whingers

Histrionic Personality Disorder: Histrionic personality disorder is a condition in which people act in a very emotional and dramatic way that draws attention to themselves... This personality defect seems to affect a lot of users of social networking sites; especially Twitter and Facebook. Unhappy and angry at the world, and used to barreling their way through life with a dark cloud hovering over their heads... causing torrential downpours o'er top of others', the wonders and immediacy of social media has accelerated the impact in which many Negative Nellies and Neds can offend and annoy... almost ruining the experience for others simply trying to utilize the medium to connect, network, and just enjoy themselves. 
I've only recently started enjoying my Twitter timeline all over again, after avoiding my feed due to a number of assholes, narcissists, and jerks. They were at the top of the timeline... always... and the frequency of their vitriol seemed to saturate my feed, overriding the ones I actually enjoy reading. Their sanctimonious indignation as they criticized other people's updates or Tweets, notwithstanding the ridiculous randomness of their own. This post was a looong time coming, because quite frankly I'm fed up. 
The Whingers are projectors... whining at a rate faster than the speed of light. Perhaps they desire more followers and wish to be @'ed with more consistency, so rather than asking for more followers, simply deleting "friends" or unfollowing someone, they practically hold a press conference, complete with the pomp and circumstance of it all... ANNOUNCING how unworthy the social media masses are, of their rhetoric... perhaps hoping some poor soul will beg and plead not to be one of the ones on the chopping block... "Oh, I hope you won't unfollow me. I thought we were cool!" one misguided soul will probably try to reason, not seeing the public announcement for what it is... a cry for attention and validation, because anybody just looking to scale back will just do it
The Whingers rail against other people on their Facebook status updates for not showering them with praise and adoration or for not stopping what they're in the middle of doing to answer their instant messages, not keeping in mind that people may have a small window of opportunity to jump on quickly and then off before getting on with life... and so Whingers will make more idle threats but not before mentioning how brilliant they think they are or how they "keep it real" while everyone else is fake for not engaging their foolery and insults.    
Look, enough already! Social media, if used with enough savvy, can be a fun, beneficial, and enjoyable forum to utilize. I understand people are passionate about certain things and need to vent out loud. However, if you hate life and are just looking for attention, to bully and/or insult people because you're insecure, don't want to read what other people have to say because you think your word is the only one that's born, or to be a play-play celebrity/mover-n-shaker in your own mind, then you should probably abstain and stop making it an unpleasant experience for others. If you're a Whinger, love dishing it out sans being able to take it; keep in mind, you don't have the right to antagonize people using this medium just because you can't get a grasp on life. Perhaps a therapist's couch would be more fitting, just put a fork in it already and avoid collecting followers and other Facebookers if they annoy you so much. Just Tweet/update your Facebook status into an abyss of nothingness.  
That is all.           

March 16, 2011

Bus Tale: A Rant

Aside from rolling my eyes at those Negative Nellies and Neds curling up an upper lip to sneer at any number of downtown Hartford's positive steps towards improvement, I've noticed- (for a while now)- another trend amongst Connecticut's resident Hartford booers and hissers... Disdain towards people who take public transportation. While taking the T might seem like a normal occurrence for many a Bostonian and utilizing MTA is par for the course for most New Yorkers, I've found myself constantly needing to defend myself for choosing not to drive, to people from my home state... and why should I have to? I'm a product of the urban landscape and hopping a bus to get to school (especially after having missed the yellow bus) or to get wherever else I need to go has always been a normal part of my life. I've never needed to rely on anyone to take me anywhere I've ever wanted or needed to go. The moment people have noted me needing to dash off to catch the bus they automatically launch into a host of reasons why they can't offer me a ride... shuffling their feet as they express regret ; "Oh, I'd offer you a ride, but I need to go pick up my son/daughter" or "Sorry, I can't drive you, because I've gotta get to my Zumba class, plus I'm not going in that direction."  In which case (after a *blank stare*), I point out to them in a matter-of-fact tone, that I never asked them for one to begin with, much to their dismay... because after having been gently glove-slapped across the face, I've had those very same people DEMAND that I take a ride from them the following week or insist on knowing how I managed to find my way to some social event sans a car. And don't get me started on the dates that have ended on a sour note, because some jerk automatically assumes he'll have to become my personal chauffeur... Umm, really?? If they could be so lucky to be taken on what would make for an interesting and titillating ride ;-p 
One of the primary reasons why I think people here find taking the bus so repugnant has a lot to do with classism. Yes... I said it. Residents currently living or who have grown up outside Hartford's perimeter, in suburban and rural areas either move to Hartford or some equivalent CT city and embrace being able to utilize public transportation or they don't know the first thing about how mass transit functions at all and so will harbor and add to an already discriminatory attitude towards Hartford dwellers, for apparently not only are most of us niggers, spics, drug users, unworthy of happiness, insignificant, sad, incapable, gun toting thugs, uneducatedtrash or whatever other myriad of insults they hurl on the Courant comment boards and amongst their neighbors, but according to the memo (I must've purposely missed it), only CT's lower class/losers/minorities ride the bus, can't afford to drive a car, and are probably unemployed. No  self-respecting employed professional would ever dream of boarding a bus with the riff-raff *(drips with obvious sarcasm)*  EVERYONE should want to drive a car everywhere and MUST enjoy doing it.  It's impractical to take CT Transit. It's a lame system... Notwithstanding that it's still better than many other ones or even exists for that matter... it's still laaame! and so the foolery of the arguments go. 
Once while on a semi-date- (and after the schlub stopped blathering on about his visits to his therapist and how evil his ex-wife was)- I was asked, "What if your mother has an accident and needs to get to the hospital?" I reminded him that my sister lived close by, has a car, and generally most people would probably dial 911 in the event of an emergency. My answer was fruitless and unsatisfactory;  "How do you GET anywhere?" he kept demanding to know... "I get to where I WANT to go without incident. 9 times out of 10, I've no desire to frequent any rural parts of CT. What would be the point? What use would I have for Enfield or Wallingford... Is it hopping out there?" It went back and forth until I grew bored and until I discovered he grew up and still lived somewhere on the shoreline and drove into Hartford for work every morning. Made perfect sense. Not only was he a self-important ignoramus but he had no sense or concept as to how the metropolitan mind works. Furthermore, I opine that those CT residents who have the most contempt for the bus and people who ride it don't understand how to utilize the system and have never taken mass transit in their adult lives. That's my argument and I'm sticking to it. The sole point they try to argue is; that public transit riders are shit out of luck and can't navigate as easily. I say it's just the opposite. I can't count how many people I know, who actually LIVE within the boundaries of Hartford/Hartford County, panic when they're having car troubles. They'll convulse and explode into a sweaty, sticky mass as if they're in the throes of a sugar rush when faced with the prospect of needing to ride the bus... mostly because they don't know how to nor do they understand the way the schedule or routes function. 
Listen, if you want to drive everywhere, be my guest, but don't unfairly judge other people because they choose to bus (or bike) to work or wherever else. Contrary to popular belief, it's an extremely convenient and cost effective way to get around... waiting and all and many people do it because that's their preference. It's no more inconvenient than having to maintain the cost of having a car.  Whether you have faith in mass transit- (and yes sometimes hopping in a car can be convenient)- or not, it still would benefit car seat warmers to at least learn the system "In Case Shit" (© Chris Rock) happens. Not every bus taker needs or even wants a ride from you nor are people who choose to take advantage of public transportation in this state, poor, uneducated bottom feeders (I've seen how some of you act in the comfort of your cars when you think no one's paying attention...).  Rarely ever would you see or experience that level of stereotyping over taking the bus or subway in NYC or any other major city. At the end of the day, when your car gets totaled and you feel lost, confused, and discombobulated over not knowing how you'll get around... what does that make you? Rant over. 

May 03, 2010

Here I Go... Again...

Anyone who knows me... personally or via this virtual insanity... know that I am a Womanist and a staunch defender of Black women; and that I advocate us taking back control of our image and schooling the masses about what we are and what we aren't.
This year alone, there have been numerous "studies" ... articles and TV specials that obsessively try to get to the bottom of why I'm single. And having the resilient and tenacious personalities we do, many of us fought back... Sister Toldja's and Fungke Blak Chik's rebuttals being amongst those, rallying against the noise that undermines our femininity, our desirability, and our right to express our sexuality however we see fit. Their arguments were powerfully eloquent and spot-on. Everyone from White men to Black comedians; Russians to White women, seem obsessed with the mating habits of Black women. And Yemaya be damned if when we rear up and defend ourselves, for then we're labeled as bitter, angry, and hateful... with taunts of, "See?? See what we mean? See why Black women are single??!"
So why am I holding this seance, resurrecting this dead corpse again?  A little perspective on my frame of mind; I just finished reading Chester Himes' 'The End of a Primitive', then followed it up with a revisit of Charlotte Carter's 'Walking Bones,' and now have the nerve to be reading 'Wench' by Dolen Perkins-Valdez, so I don't mind going toe-to-toe right now. Observe...
While catching up with the goings-on of a favorite blogger's life, I was somewhat surprised, dismayed, and then pissed when I read about a conversation she had with her significant other- (they're both White with white collar careers).  The author of the blog didn't say anything offensive and usually logs very insightful, politically aware, and evolved posts... but her paramour... a captain of industry type who seems used to getting his way... didn't seem so progressive when he ranted against the (mostly) Black nursing staff (she's in the hospital) working the night-shift wherever she was recovering. It appears the nurses weren't keen on him staying overnight on a mostly female floor and reminded him that visiting hours were over. Annoyed, he opined that their sudden or perceived resentment toward his presence was due to them being angry, Black, and essentially bitter because they aren't the blondest or the fairest ones of all. And so they were jealous of said sick blogger... because she's white, blond, pretty, and well... because she has him to wrap her in his big masculine arms while she convalesces. And they'll never have that type of male sustenance in their lifetime. I won't offer a link to the post in question because I actually like her. She seems like a highly intelligent, honest, and nice woman. I enjoy her writing voice and I'd hate to be the catalyst who incites angry readers to chorus on her comments section. She seemed reluctant about feeding into her paramour's hype but, was equally as reluctant to question his rhetoric and obvious bigotry against and stereotyping about Black women... almost doing so halfheartedly so as not to upset him any further... which probably would've exacerbated the situation. She seemed - (an impression I got based on what she wrote) - willing to buy the rancid meat he was selling. I am not surprised nor did I expect her to jump to the defense of Black women or jump down his throat (since it is a relatively fresh relationship) and so am not disappointed in her hesitancy; particularly when you consider that her White female femininity was being elevated on a pedestal, which isn't uncommon- especially when being juxtaposed with that of a Black woman's. Here are some of the gems she shared when relaying the details of his angry rant- “Listen. I was married to a black woman for years.  I’ve spent a lot of time in many different communities. I’ve coached for years as well.  I lived and worked in and around D.C. for 10 of those years.  Outside the inner city it’s not so bad, but the black people in downtown D.C. are not fond white people. “
and --
"... I used to be come on to all the time when I was working in Northern Virginia you wouldn’t not believe it, sometimes I’d run across the street to get away from them.” 
and my personal favorite-- 
“I wasn’t going to say anything but a few of the nurses tried to catch my eye this afternoon. Two of them, at least. One of them even came on to me, and I mean she was BLATANT about it.  I just blew her off and kept walking. I couldn’t believe it”  ... 
"They all HAVE to know I’m with you, because I’ve been in bed with you since morning! I’m obviously devoted to you but they don’t care. They’ll just steal each other’s men, they won’t even hesitate. They.Just.Don’t.Care. Blows my mind.”
worst even-- “Trust me on this: With black women it’s all about the hair.  Believe me I know.”  <--(Um no son, you don't). 
So forth and so on. The entry left me speechless and angry. White (male) supremacy and propaganda at its arrogant worst. So now not only are Black women hopelessly single... but we're Jezebels without any scruples, who relentlessly chase men who're spoken for - (notwithstanding the high-profile mistresses who've been in the news lately) - have lost all hope in all Black men, and secretly lust for White men and all the riches they could shower us with, and apparently all of our self-worth is tied up in our hair. Such strong words from someone who was obviously upset because the head nurse opted to enforce hospital policy... much to his chagrin. 
As those two move forward in their relationship, it is my hope that my blogger buddy will encourage her lover to change some of his antiquated ideas about Black women. Stereotyping is a detrimental and hurtful process and it robs people of the right to share their truth.  It would be wrong of me to surmise, solely based on my own personal experiences, that all White men are pushy, psychotic, self-entitled, and racist. 
What his behavior within the context of that situation demonstrates is how the American White Male Privilege paradigm (which operates  to suit its own needs) is so easily projected when someone of his stature can't get his way and particularly when that privilege is challenged by a Black woman. I can't count how many times I've gotten grief from this type of White male, because I've either turned him down by refusing to play the Jezebel role he's accustomed to seeing in rap videos and reality shows or because I dared to challenge some ignoramus statement he made and that I didn't agree with. 
I like this blogger, but since she relayed the story on a public forum, with all due respect I, felt compelled just as publicly to challenge what I read in hopes that she can help her man get his mind right and hope she doesn't take this as a personal and malicious affront. Sans dialogue there can be no progress.
That is all. 

September 04, 2009

NOT. The. One.

As my ears are forced to listen to the torturous, auto-tuned enhanced song Mariah Carey warbles about Eminem (allegedly) being obsessed and upset with her- (the airwaves and media has been saturated with the contents of this song, one can't help hearing about it... even if one isn't even listening to the radio)- I'm left wondering; Why IS he so obsessed with her? Is his ego that fragile that he is incapable of letting go of an alleged fling that happened many moons ago? Is he so immature that he has to assassinate Mimi's character with lyrics that're asinine and borderline violent? Thanks to romantic and poetic songs such as Eminem's "Bagpipes of Baghdad" which prompted Mariah's "Obsessed" (he asked for it), which then bred Eminem's "Warning" as a response, the public (those of us who finds his misogynistic vitriol boring) gets to roll its eyes collectively.
Eminem's desperation and egocentric need to latch on to the past seems flagrantly obvious (to me anyway). And NO I'm not a Mariah Carey fan, NO I don't care about either of them, and YES I am late to the party featuring the adagio dance between these two, especially since the novelty of 'Obsessed' has all but worn off, but the issue serves as a good point of reference for the initial point of this post, so work with it, as it is somewhat reminiscent of a recent turn of events, and have left me wondering why some men (and women, I'm fair) can't seem to move on with their lives if a woman, as politely and delicately as she can, declines their advances, say they aren't interested in them, or say they're interested in or dating someone else. The world is saturated with millions of other available women who may be better looking, more charismatic, more witty, and more sexual, but because rejection is a hard pill to swallow for some, they obsess and antagonize the one who isn't interested in their companionship.
Listen, logging onto certain social networking sites to doggedly email, IM with ridiculous requests and questions, or agitate the object of your affection and calling yourself sneering with mocking & unfunny jokes, and bragging about your accolades so she realizes what she's giving up is NOT the way. Behavior like that is unbecoming. It's obnoxious, annoying, and it speaks volumes about one's self-importance and why you may (or may not, who knows?... who cares?) still be single to begin with. Rejection might cause one to experience a feeling of dejection however, everyone is NOT going to want you or care about your stature. Get over it. Life is too short... so moving on and exploring other dating prospects and more pertinent and worthwhile activities would seem to be the likeliest options.
Please get over yourself and stop with the antagonistic and obnoxious behavior. That is all.

July 21, 2009

It's a Mad Houuuuuuuse...

And I'm mad. If you've yet to read the media circus surrounding the arrest of Henry Louis Gates, Jr. then you're probably a bit perplexed by the public outrage... mostly by people of color. For those not in the know, Henry Louis Gates, Jr is a writer, literary critic, scholar extraordinaire, and tenured professor at Harvard University. He has hosted and produced compelling documentaries for PBS such as; American Lives and American Lives 2, where he helped noted Black American celebrities trace their lineage through DNA testing. Gates also created and edits an online magazine called The Root. So in summation, the man has the skills to pay the bills, and is a distinguished member of the literati. So it was with dismay and shock that many of us read that he had been arrested and taken into custody, where he was kept for 4 hours, before being released. Anger and exasperation soon followed after details of his arrest came to light.
Apparently, after returning from a trip to China where he was filming his latest documentary, Gates came home and discovered that his door was damaged, had jammed and so had problems entering his home. He then entered through the back, and he and the driver who transported him from the airport proceeded to try to pry the front door open. Upon doing so, said driver helped Gates bring his bags inside before driving off. Gates immediately got on the phone with the Harvard Real estate office to tell them about the damaged door. During his phone call, Gates noticed a police officer on his front porch. Through a recently released statement via an attorney/friend/colleague to the press, he would express his surprise at finding several police officers outside his residence. Apparently they were responding to a phone call placed by a neighbor- a 77 year old magazine fundraiser- that "two Black men with backpacks" were on Gates' front porch, one of whom was "wedging his shoulder into the door."
According to Gates' statement-After proving he was was a resident of the home, and after asking the interrogating officer for his badge number and name, and after showing substantial identification, the officer simply walked off sans an apology. Incensed (undestandably so) by the humiliation, Gates exclaimed that the police were displaying bias and being racist. To make a long story short, the police arrested him for "disorderly conduct" because he displayed "loud and tumulutous behavior."
I felt compelled to be thorough about the details leading up to his arrest, because general, mostly White consensus (because many have failed to read and grasp the details concerning the matter)- is that Gates deserved to be arrested, and that he had no right to question the obvious racial profiling that was taking place. To say I was upset by the comments displayed on the Boston Globes' comment board would be putting it mildly. I would then go on to read "Stop playing the Race Card" type propoganda on Facebook's "I Love Black People" board as well as on various other forums. Hence this blog post. One common thread in these comments were "Obama is the president, therefore RACISM NO LONGER EXISTS. GET OVER IT!"
Apparently ignorance is bliss for you naysayers. While it is true that minorities, namely Black folk, have made some strides... we have a looong path ahead of us. Uncompromising situations such as the one Gates experienced is demonstrative of that. How DARE you, having little knowledge about the daily struggles of minorities, tell us to get over it, and stop playing the race card?? I don't expect THE PRIVILEGED MAJORITY to even have an inkling of an idea of what it's like to have to fight to disprove racial stereotypes because people have no faith in your intellectual prowess. Until you many of you (this guy gets it)- take your heads out of your asses and stop pissing all over progress, then NO we will NOT get over it. Since when is it against the law and disorderly for one to express his opinion, on HIS PROPERTY? After Gates identified who he was and why he had to force his way into his home, the officer should have stopped questioning him, apologized for the intrustion, and moved on.
See, the visual that plays in my head, when I picture this happening to a White professor is as follows: Officer examines ID, and says, "Sorry to bother you and for the confusion Mr. Smith. Have a great day."
You mean to tell me that after a long trip, not being able to get into your house, and then having the coppers show up on your doorstep because of some busy body who thinks we're all suspect, to question you for only wanting to decompress that you wouldn't be ruffled by the experience?? Give me a break! You would be mad too! Period. The neighbor in question obviously thinks A Black man trying to force a door open, in broad daylight, whether she recognizes him, what was going on, or NOT, was suspect enough to call the cops rather than making sure she knew what she was seeing was in fact a burglary. While no charges have been filed against Henry Louis Gates, the scar still remains, and tax dollars have been wasted.
We will stop playing the RACE CARD, when it stops getting DEALT.
That is all.

July 04, 2009

It's Alive!!!!!

This past week, I have made valuable use of my time. I cut up some juicy and delicious fruit, I saw Corey Holcomb headline a comedy show, I hung out with a great friend, and I'm sorta doing some household projects... oh yes, and I'm looking for a new job because I got laid off Monday. Here's my word: Why is it when you're laid off, people retreat from you as if you have the damn Bubonic Plague or they tsk as if you're a charity case or on the cusp of needing anti-anxiety meds? Or they feel compelled to forward any and every job posting to you, not keeping in mind that you've got this?
I understand that people mean well, but I am doing remarkably well. I got laid off from a JOB. A job that wasn't my dream career. I'm being compensated for it, it happens to the best of us, I'm optimistic, and I truly believe in the old adage that when one door closes, a window opens someplace else. Perps, look around you! In case you haven't noticed, we're living in shaky economic times. It is happening universally. I'm not the only person in history who has been laid off. I am confident that even in these times, I will find a new job soon. I had been looking prior to learning that the organization I worked for was in dire financial trouble. I am not a charity case. I am not expecting anybody to pay for my drinks, look after me, or help me with my rent and bills, so you don't need to retreat or head for the hills. I'm not about to emotionally implode either so no need to avert your eyes away from me.
Oh, and if one more person says, "Awww, have you been looking? What are you looking for? You'll find something soon" I'm going to stick my finger down my throat and vomit on them. It has only been a week! Making me feel as if I should be feeling like a steaming hot piece of shit only makes you look ridiculous in my eyes. I have a caring family, who lives nearby and an awesome true blue so if I need to vent or need help with anything, I'm all set. Attempts at helping me and then questioning whether I know what exactly I want to do with my life is nothing short of condescending and rude. It's akin to kicking a person when they've stumbled and then holding your food against their throat while they're struggling to get up and dust themselves off to fight back. I know how this process works. You want to help me? Offer to provide me with a reference like other level-headed folks have already done. Treat me as you once did when I was employed. If you run across something you THINK I'd or would be a good fit... go ahead and forward it, but don't make it your personal mission to be my career counselor like I'm wayward and pathetic. It may be hard for some folks to wrap their mind around the fact that I'm doing great and that I am actually pounding the pavement, but that is my reality. I'm sorry if you haven't grasped that yet. And one other thing... you don't have to avoid me, because chances are I am stoked about never having to work with or interact with you again and you need to realize what climate we're living in. The folks that matter and who can appreciate how to network with me in a productive manner, have my contact information and know how to reach me (this includes those who want to hang out and have a great time as well). And to those who don't know how exactly to interact with me anymore... if I need your help or advice... I'll offer it to YOU.
That is all.

April 30, 2009

Bus Tales: Kindly Shut The Hell Up

Dear Ranting Woman on the 7:55 AM Farmington Ave/Downtown Bus:
Every morning, regardless of whether I want to hear it or not, when I board the bus I can always count on you to go off on some random, loud tirade about any number of topics. None of the dots seem to connect, no one pays attention or responds to you, but you sit there... loud and pretentious with your raggedy, discount bin Beauty Max wig on... hootin' and hollerin' about the minutia. Eyes bugged, mouth twisted as you "hmph" and "tsk" about welfare recipients, how you don't go to work to pay for lazy women who push out "baby after baby", what a great job you think former jailbird Governor John Rowland did implementing whichever program he deemed necessary, so forth and so on. What the hell are you on about lady???
Its barely 8AM in the morning! Many of us are caffeine deprived, harried from rushing out the front door, and chomping at the bit to get to work or to the nearest Starbucks so we can get some delicious, robust java in our systems. We are mentally trying to prepare ourselves for the busy workday ahead of us, but we can't concentrate on our thoughts because you're flapping your gob nonstop. You sit there with a book open on your lap, but never really focusing on its contents, as you run your pie hole about a bunch of trivial B.S. that none of us want to hear, so early in the morning. The banality of your ranting makes me feel uneasy, not to mention it irritates the hell out of everyone else. I saw that man sitting next to you, giving you the side-eye a few mornings ago. He couldn't scramble off of the bus fast enough, when it was his turn to get off. And what about the two women trying to carry on a convo betwixt and between one another, with their indoor voices? You just kept talking over them with your loud, obnoxious, deep monotone. A succession of doo-doo on top of stupidity. Interrupting them. They finally gave up and sat quietly for the remainder of the bus ride, their mouths in tight lines!
Two A.M.s ago, imagine my despair and annoyance when I couldn't untangle my effing ear plugs so I could drown you out with my music! This morning however, I made quick work of detangling and plugging in prior to the bus's arrival. I was ready for you! Lo and behold, as soon as I boarded, you started running your mouth and wagging your be-wigged head, talking about (to no one in particular): "I gotta try to put mahself in a good mood!! Gotta see if I can get in a GOOD MOOD this mornin'!" Lady PLEASE! My fingers could not push the volume button up quick enough to drown out your hot garbage. Also, riddle me this: Why sit there with a damn book open on your lap, if you have no intention of sitting quietly and reading, til your damn stop comes up?? Do you wake up in the morn, look at your dry, haggard reflection, and wonder aloud, "I need to figga out how I'm gon' annoy and disturb the bus passengers taday? What can I ramble on loudly about... Hm, let me see-eee" ???? Methinks you do.
Listen, shut the HELL up, because everytime you go proselytizing and preaching about whatever it is you deem necessary to yell about, you effing put ME in a bad mood, and I have to re-route and reshuffle my own thoughts prior to my arrival at work. I pity the fool co-worker who has be within earshot of your nonsense, because I'm sure your fuckery spills over off the bus and within the confines of your place of employment.
Shut it!
Thanks
xoxo
Coffey

April 26, 2009

Brilliant!

Dear Male (or Female- I'm fair) Populace,
Here's a NOBLE idea. It's a brilliant suggestion in fact. Listen close! ...

Don't date a woman, tell her how much you like her, engage in an adagio dance with her, and then blindside her out of the blue with: "I REALLY like you, and would obviously much rather be with you, but I'm old, desperate and lonely and am about to push my seed in the bush of some dysfunctional, narcissistic bitch who once treated me like dog doo-doo and had a gang bang in a hotel room once with 4 (or so) random men and called and told me about it, knowing it'd make me feel inadequate.

It's a horrible idea, she's not my soul mate, my friends think I'm stupid for being equivalent to toilet paper, I hate her guts, BUT I feel like this is my last shot to have a kid. I don't want to be lonely like the old men I see sitting in Borders Books and Music. I have to at least try. She called me a week ago, and said she'd be willing to bear my rotten seed, even though she agreed to once before when we were dating and then abruptly changed her mind, leaving me depressed and suicidal."
Okay, perhaps not in those exact words, but close enough true to life. Anyway, don't ever tell a woman that mmmkay? Casually dating or not, it sucks and is downright weird. Moreover, don't ask the woman on the receiving end of such nonsense, to agree to resume contact with you, to continue being your friend and "hang out" with you while you attempt to or are considering impregnating another. More importantly, don't ask her if you could still see her if things "don't work out" with getting said other hooker knocked up, and don't guilt trip her for mocking and cursing you afterward by whining...
"I know it's a bad idea, but you aren't interested in having children, and I feel like this is my only shot. I should at least trrrry. I doubt it'll even work out but I gotta try."

See, engaging in this type of behavior is a surefire way to get laughed at, verbally berated, cut, pepper sprayed in the eyes, or shot at. It's just not cool. Procreating with someone who treats you like dirt, you don't even love, and who loves you even less makes you seem desperate and pathetic. Fortunately there are still those of us who have the wherewithal to laugh and politely ask the likes of you to go to hell and to disappear out of their lives STAT. Of all the bizarre dating episodes, this rates right up there. It even has foot guy from this post beat.

The dating world is teeming with extraordinarily dumb fart knockers like this middle aged one (yes, douchery is universal and crosses all ages, economic levels, races, and levels of intellect. The shit is widespreading, like the swine flu.) I'm overwhelmingly amused and can't stop laughing. What clownery! Also, what a rotten reason to have a child. What a selfish and inconsiderate way to bring a child into existence, other than from the love of two people, who aren't in need of anti-depressants. You'll always be lonely. You don't need a kid, you need intense therapy. Batshit, loony, drama-filled women of the world UNITE. You'll always have some el stupido, insecure, manic depressive jackass to love you long time, and return like a lost dog finding its way back home. That is all.

January 03, 2009

M.Y.O.F.B. or Waiting for WALK

I trust that everyone had a productive and safe New Year's Eve and Day. Mine was quite interesting... fun but very interesting. Someone offered to stick his tongue in my ear and suck on my left breast for an extended period of time before switching to the right one. I, being the classy woman that I am, politely declined, but not before laughing hysterically in his face. Hopefully this year wont leave as many battle wounds as 2008 left. I shall start this year off the right wrong way, with a rant that's been brewing in the vault of my angry soul for some time now. It's about certain types of people who should be kicked in the delicates for not minding them and theirs. I call them unofficial and unwelcome crossing guards. Reckless pedestrians who have the huevos mas grandes to get angry at other responsible pedestrians for waiting for the right of way to cross!
I can't count how many times I've had to snap at, give the side-eye and or finger to people who deem it necessary to school me on how to cross the street, because I choose to wait for the effing WALK signal before stomping carelessly across with reckless abandon. Pardon ME for doing what I think is necessary for my own survival and safety! I've had men stand next to me and exclaim, "GO! You can cross now, GOSH!" while I waited for the street signal for me to WALK. "I know how to cross the (insert expletive) street!!!" I've often spat in their direction, prompting them to throw their hands up in exasperation at my refusal to be bullied out into the middle of the road before it's time.
I even had a police officer, buffalo stancing close by tell me to "Go ahead!" once while I waited at the crosswalk downtown. The light was green and traffic was busy and steady. After work rush hour travelers from every direction! "I'm waiting for the WALK signal!!" I yelled back at him, annoyed. "I'm in charge! No one's gonna hit you while I'm standing here!!" he yelled back. I simply sucked my teeth, rolled my eyes and waited for WALK. What could he do? ARREST me for waiting for the WALK signal??? Just yesterday, a gentleman and I were waiting at a particularly busy intersection, also downtown for the signal to WALK. A young mother who carelessly (without looking) strode out into the middle of the street with her young son in tow, nonchalant about just missing getting hit by an impatient turner had the nerve to say to us impatiently, "You can gooooo, the light's reeeed." The man cut his eyes at her and waited. I in my large shades lifted my leather gloved finger and gave her a signal of my very own. She rolled her eyes, but got the hint nevertheless. I could not have made myself any clearer.
What the EFF is it with you people?? Does seeing others wait for the WALK signal really get under your skin that much, that you feel it absolutely crucial to be obnoxious and rude about something that essentially, has no impact on you and the choices you decide to make?? Mind your own EFFING business! If you want to carelessly take off across a busy street sans a care in the world and risk getting creamed, that's your right. I prefer to wait for the WALK signal before deciding to cross. So if watching me waiting for the WALK signal agitates you so, then get over it.
Kisses
Coffey