Coffee Rhetoric: Life
Showing posts with label Life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Life. Show all posts

December 16, 2009

Enterprising

I was going to wait... But spilling open and saying this out loud and into the universe will make it that much more serious and my desire for it, even realer. It's long overdue, I'm researching, trying to brainstorm, figuring out the details of making Coffee Rhetoric, into Coffee Rhetoric, Inc. As I continue to pound the pavement and keep my resolve and frustration intact, I am mulling over the ins and outs of making my own opportunity manifest and putting my creativity to good use. Perhaps I'll use this blog as a way to promote myself, or I may even start a separate (but relative) entity.
Details to be announced soon as I iron them out. There're goals to ponder, guinea pigs to be victimized, papers to rustle... so forth and so on. ... I went to the library yesterday to research public relations/marketing strategies and ideas, but unfortunately it has become a place for the seedy and the beady-eyed to call home. Wall-to-wall trash... bottom of the barrel variety. Wading through that cesspool was exhausting... nevertheless, ideas are percolating!
*sigh* This is real.

December 08, 2009

Tentation

a hulking figure... completely cloaked in the anonymity of darkness, blocked the last remnants of the sun, which was already struggling against Winter's soulstice.
it extended an inky arm and casually placed it on my shoulder...
i stood silent, in a meditative state,
determined not to break my concentration...
ohhhhhmmmm
to no avail. at least during this round.
i wonder what would have happened had i caught the last remnants of the sun shower and drenched myself. if only I hadn't been distracted.
i'd be at one with my chi... i'd be writhing around, in a passionate embrace at the temple of my familiar, as opposed to drifting in a desolate matrix... caught between space, time, perception, and... time, trying to play catch up with my center.
i'm beginning to loathe the mechanics of time travel.

November 20, 2009

On and On, and On and On...

... The beat continues... throw in unusual dreams, a brief fugue state where I lost 24 hours and had my days mixed up, for I'm running on lack of sleep most of which I've caught up on, and bouts of stress related anxiety. Things that make my stomach gurgle with agitation: "Hang in there. We're living in difficult times," and the ubiquitous, "Have you found a job yet??" When all I asked was, was, "Hey, how's it going?" Sigh. Firstly, while I really appreciate a great pep talk, I'm not keen on being pepped if I'm not down, haven't asked for input, or needing to be picked up. I confide in family and close friends when I need to vent a frustration. I also have my creative outlets... most of which involves writing and this trusty old blog that's been with me through thick and thin, thank you (not) very much. The patronizing tone is enough to make my smile wane and my middle finger twitch. My fugue state wasn't so bad. I do have an alternate universe I like to vacation at every now and again.
Alas, I'm brainstorming a way to make my own opportunity come to fruition as I continue my triumphant march. In the meantime, if you're a virile and wealthy gentleman with a heart of gold to match your pockets, feel free to sponsor me and make my dreams of being a socialite come true.
I keed, I keed... ;-)

November 08, 2009

These and Those

... This, that, and the other. Much of the same. In the meantime, I'm researching how to create my own opportunity, implementing the things I truly enjoy doing, while these tired feet continue to pound the pavement. Yes, perhaps I'm tardy for this party, but sometimes it takes the rug being snatched out from under you for an extended period, to light a fire under one's ass. It's an ample ass... so I have a lot of brainstorming to do.

November 05, 2009

Save Your Own-damn-self

There's a certain type of man that agitates my gut, and causes it to gurgle with unpleasantness... making the pressure build up and hold my colon in its clutches with a vice-like grip. This type of guy orgasms and messes his drawers with creme de la man, when he thinks a woman is in great distress. He just can't bear to know that she'll be okay, and really doesn't want, desire, or need to confide in him, despite his constant pleas for her to do so...
This manly man has self-esteem issues of his own, and lest he obsesses over some woman who could care less about his prying, he can't thrive and feel good about himself. "I'm fine. My personal affairs are none of your business" usually generates a smug chuckle, and he interprets the response as combative and frustrated behavior. This type of character exists on different levels of the spectrum. Sometimes he relishes the thought of a woman having a bad day or a difficult spell and will shiver with pleasure... so he antagonizes and doles out unsolicited advice... patronizes because he's unhappy with himself, and thinks he's some sort of big shot who knows everything. He becomes even more antagonistic and self-satisfied in a desperate attempt to feel needed.. to feel superior. My theory is this type of guy was a big shot in high school and college, and is used to women giving a damn about his douchey behavior. Or that he may, quite possibly for certain, be a premature ejaculator and needs to feel adequate in some way.
He'll nibble, poke, and prod away like some mouse o'er top a hunk of cheese... a feeble attempt to break her resolve, until she crumbles into a crying heap, in his arms... as he rocks her and whispers know-it-all witticisms in her ear. This is what he's hoping will happen anyway. A regular limerent type, that one. With delusions of grandeur ... Might I suggest getting a life? It's not that serious. Regardless of how much you antagonize, patronize, and flex... you will remain insignificant in a universe known as Just Don't Give A Damn. You can be a tiny little satellite that orbits outside perimeter though.

October 11, 2009

Flailing

I've been trying to fight this cold, pressure in my chest for the past few days. Amazing what a number stress can do to one's body. One moment of vulnerability and sick just grips your body like a wendigo does a desperate and hungry soul. Add stress and the insatiable need to excel, to prosper, to just get a break for once and no amount of Vitamin C or medicine can break its hold. The chest pressure is the most distressing. As much as I'd like to relax, the pressure (no pun intended... actually, pun intended) is on.... things are starting to mount, those who collect are staring to circle, and while my resolve isn't broken it is cracked. The hunt is exhausting for I feel like I've exhausted most if not every resource available to me. I inhale... I wheeze like Linda Blair in The Exorcist. I exhale... more demonic sounding wind. I need to exorcise this lame luck! I'm working hard to exorcise this lame stroke of luck!
One bright spot is that I do have an interview this Wednesday, at a non-profit that does great work to benefit homeless women and their families. While it is part-time, I am hoping I make a good enough impression so that I get an in. As much as I hate to speak such things out loud, because I'm slightly superstitious and believe doing so before a result has come to pass, will result in a unfavorable outcome... perhaps spilling it open with mild splash ... and letting in marinate into the universe will ... *I don't know* ...

September 06, 2009

Sunday Ear Candy and a thought.

Some things in life don't come through. No skin off, this round. The beat plays on. My chi is as calm as a traquil Mediterranean breeze.
Here's my latest soundtrack.

August 26, 2009

The Beat Plays On

Oya- Yoruban Goddess of wind, change, fortune, and chaos.
Life continues on in its current state... the force is playing Jedi mind tricks with my Psyche- Aphrodite be damned! ... for last week wasn't the best of weeks mentally or physically. But I triumphed with grace, kicked my sinus/respiratory issues along with the dubious heat? rash I developed (which I suspect stress, along with the oppressive weather, made me susceptible to)- and am carrying on, ducking, bobbing and weaving, because I. am. not. the. one. I know I may stumble again from time to time with every blow to the gut and frustration will grip me until I achieve results, but it won't maintain its hold. Optimism and fierce determination restored, I'm carrying on with carrying on. ... exploring options and hoping for the opportunity to thrive. Sometimes chaos manifests into a worthwhile outcome.
That is all.

August 11, 2009

Getting On

Coffee, tea, wine, friends, me. Me, wine, coffee, he. He, she, a little poetry, family, books, and cultural activities... These things among other interests are helping me keep my sanity. These. things. are. helping. me. keep. my. SANITY.
I haven't inhaled any toxic or noxious fumes. My mind is still crystal clear. I have intermittent moments of frustration, but I'm still here. I can still hear. I'm can steal here. I have STEEL back there.
I'm rambling. But it's all incoherently connected. Thursday will find me spilling open in front of strangers, Saturday will find me a year older and ever the more wiser. Next week will find me still ducking, bobbing, and weaving as I shadow box. The week after next, I'll still be standing and tanner... my resolve stronger.
Needless to say, I've stumbled, but I'm none to worse for wear, despite those frustrating interludes. In SPITE of those frustrating interludes.
That is all.

July 15, 2009

Summer Symphony...

Summer Time, and the living is easy. Fish are jumping... and the cotton is high...
Spit globs on cement, neck tattoos... Lazy, disgusting and lumbering pigeons, camel toe.
Muffin tops abound, bubbling over too tight waist bands, ... crazies unhinged, mumbling on the bus and whilst stomping down steamy city streets... menacing almost, but ignored nonetheless. The pungeant perfume of b.o. on stuffy public transportation wraps me in a tight embrace as I choke down the sick rising in my throat...
Ill fitting denim shorts digging into fat thunder thighs... as they ride, ride, riiide up betwixt and between sweaty delicates... thighs rubbing together like sticks at a camp fire... ahh Summer Time and the living is easy....
Toddlers screaming down the street as agitated mothers jerk them about, men walking down the street topless, as their carefully nourished beer F.U.P.A.'s jiggle shamelessly in the summer breeze... tees slung over their shoulders, prisoners just released from the penn trying to sell inspirational poems, begging for any monetary contribution... Fish are jumping, and the cotton is high...
Teenagers in sagging skinny jeans and fitted graphic tees, non-chalantly gliding by. Tweens cursing up a storm out of earshot of parents. Free and careless. ... Oh your daddy's rich, and your ma' is good lookin'... So hush little baby, don't you cry...
Vendors peddling fake haute couture, luxury purses, and perfume oils as the smell of fried foods and hot steamy garbage circulate and dance a slow Tango around the city's landscapes...
"How you doin's" from rubber necking dudes you've no interest in....
Jazz festivals, ice cream trucks, Italian ice, and mosquitoes.
Summer in the city has defintely arrived folks.
Lily Allen said it best in this vid... That is all.

July 04, 2009

It's Alive!!!!!

This past week, I have made valuable use of my time. I cut up some juicy and delicious fruit, I saw Corey Holcomb headline a comedy show, I hung out with a great friend, and I'm sorta doing some household projects... oh yes, and I'm looking for a new job because I got laid off Monday. Here's my word: Why is it when you're laid off, people retreat from you as if you have the damn Bubonic Plague or they tsk as if you're a charity case or on the cusp of needing anti-anxiety meds? Or they feel compelled to forward any and every job posting to you, not keeping in mind that you've got this?
I understand that people mean well, but I am doing remarkably well. I got laid off from a JOB. A job that wasn't my dream career. I'm being compensated for it, it happens to the best of us, I'm optimistic, and I truly believe in the old adage that when one door closes, a window opens someplace else. Perps, look around you! In case you haven't noticed, we're living in shaky economic times. It is happening universally. I'm not the only person in history who has been laid off. I am confident that even in these times, I will find a new job soon. I had been looking prior to learning that the organization I worked for was in dire financial trouble. I am not a charity case. I am not expecting anybody to pay for my drinks, look after me, or help me with my rent and bills, so you don't need to retreat or head for the hills. I'm not about to emotionally implode either so no need to avert your eyes away from me.
Oh, and if one more person says, "Awww, have you been looking? What are you looking for? You'll find something soon" I'm going to stick my finger down my throat and vomit on them. It has only been a week! Making me feel as if I should be feeling like a steaming hot piece of shit only makes you look ridiculous in my eyes. I have a caring family, who lives nearby and an awesome true blue so if I need to vent or need help with anything, I'm all set. Attempts at helping me and then questioning whether I know what exactly I want to do with my life is nothing short of condescending and rude. It's akin to kicking a person when they've stumbled and then holding your food against their throat while they're struggling to get up and dust themselves off to fight back. I know how this process works. You want to help me? Offer to provide me with a reference like other level-headed folks have already done. Treat me as you once did when I was employed. If you run across something you THINK I'd or would be a good fit... go ahead and forward it, but don't make it your personal mission to be my career counselor like I'm wayward and pathetic. It may be hard for some folks to wrap their mind around the fact that I'm doing great and that I am actually pounding the pavement, but that is my reality. I'm sorry if you haven't grasped that yet. And one other thing... you don't have to avoid me, because chances are I am stoked about never having to work with or interact with you again and you need to realize what climate we're living in. The folks that matter and who can appreciate how to network with me in a productive manner, have my contact information and know how to reach me (this includes those who want to hang out and have a great time as well). And to those who don't know how exactly to interact with me anymore... if I need your help or advice... I'll offer it to YOU.
That is all.

June 29, 2009

Time

As of today, I have a lot of time on my hands... but hopefully not for long. Enough time however, to mull a lot of things over. I don't know how I feel about having all of this time, but I can say without a shadow of a doubt that I'm not particularly unhappy over having acquired all of this additional time. Bittersweet in some respects, overall I an overwhelming sense of relief in others. Oh I have worries as a single woman, but I am okay. Currently, I don't feel any sense of alarm or apprehension. So that time doesn't escape me, I need to get to thinking... Hm... where to start, where to start. ...

June 13, 2009

I Know Who Killed Me

... Time, life, work, lack of sleep, and various other things hindering me from laying back in the cut and collecting my thoughts. That's what is killing me.
Oh, but I have lots to share, pics to upload, anecdotes to relay. I am sooo far from spilling open. Please bear with me. I'm champing at the bit to get it all out. My belly is growing full from holding it all in!
I'll be back in a bit! My younger sister is getting married this afternoon, and I need to figure out how not to disappoint Imus. I'd hate to go looking like a nappy headed ho' so I have to go condition!
That is all! ;-)

April 20, 2009

Update- Tales from the Darkside and Home Improvement

Conversations that transpired while walking around my neighborhood this past Friday:

Encounter 1: Lady buffalo stancing outside Family Dollar and Carlos's Supermarket: " 'Scuse me MISS. You got a dolla'??" Me: "Nope." Lady: "How about fifty cent? You got ANY change?????" Me: I shook my head emphatically and hurried inside towards my destination for Folgers and flip flops.

Encounter 2: While walking from Green Apple produce market

Man: (standing next to disheveled Black woman: "Scuse me Miss... you think you can give me and my friend here some money...." Me: Shook head emphatically and hurried inside.

**I come back outside from store**

Woman (beggar's friend), in a slow, drug induced drawl: "Scuse me... MISS. Can I have some..." Me: Shaking head so hard my neck pops, as I hurry down the street towards home... Woman (yelling after me): "Well, you got a CONDOM den??"
Encounter 3: The best friend (Cat to those not in the know) visits. After settling in, we head back out at around 10pm... Cat, being the genius that she is... parks TWO WHOLE BLOCKS away! We stand and wait outside, in the mild night air, waiting to cross the street...
Condom Lady approaches... head lolled to the side as she lumbers over, like a corpse out of Night of the Living Dead: "Scuuuuse Me. Ladies... Ya'll got aaaany money I can..." Cat and I in unison: "NO!" We run out into busy traffic, desperate to get away from Condom lady. Bitch is lumbering towards us at a clip now!
We make it. I verbally abuse Cat for parking so far away!! And Onward Life has been somewhat busy. I'm still... still... settling into my apartment. It is starting to feel a lot like home, however. With several free acquisitions, a few priced next to nothing accents, switching things around and figuring out (through trial and error) what works in this particular space, things are starting to come together. I now have a king sized bed and board (sans frame, but not dire) today. I'm excited. The bed is huge. Bedding will be costly, but I plan on NOT paying more than 30 dollars for king sized bedding.

Check out what's going on thus far

Oh and I also acquired this amdist the madness.

March 25, 2009

Sleepless in...

It's 3:50 AM and I can't sleep. I've been drifting off and on since about 7pm. ... But not before I watched a scary movie... My books just toppled off to the side and knocked into my plant... but the movie can't be it...
I just brushed my teeth again, and applied and Mint Julep face mask... I'm still up.
I'm currently watching Strangers with Candy... a little comedy to cancel out the earlier movie's dark images of restless spirits... but I'm still up... blogging.
I supposed to wake up in an hour 1/2. I'm hoping I'm able to, because I can't seem to sleep soundlessly.
I pissed around a little, hoping to tire myself out. I washed out a wine glass, I cleaned out my coffee pot, I set it up and hit auto delay to brew later, this early-early morning. Cuban coffee... I put enough grounds to make it extra strong. But yet here I am... blogging at 3:58 AM.

January 24, 2009

These and Those

Another boring and quiet Saturday. Actually, I'm starting to develop an affinity for quiet, boring days. It gives me time to think about a myriad of things, people, developments, etc. It also seems as if I'm conserving my energy for Spring and Summer.
In any event, being able to mull things over has led me to the following conclusions: Some people are naturally miserable and bitter. There needn't be any justification or circumstance for or behind it. Until recently, I don't think I've ever met a person who is just rotten to the core for no apparent reason. Most of the assholes I've come across have been hurt in the past in some way and use it as a defense mechanism, or have had rocky upbringings and dysfunctional relationships with one or both of their parents. Never were they just simply allergic to being personable and genuine. I'm not a cheerleader nor would I classify myself as one of those "nice people." I'm simply me. I can say without a shadow of a doubt that I am genuine, and while I'm not "nice," I'm personable enough that people actually want to engage me in conversation or hang out with me. While I don't have a huge crew that I pal around with (I prefer small, intimate groups or solo), I think it's safe to say that I'm not a social pariah.
It's absolutely fascinating (and somewhat amusing) watching a person struggle to be polite to others. I've never seen or experienced anything like it. An adult person conflicted over whether or not they want to continue on with being a small-minded, uneducated jerk versus acting like someone with sense and social etiquette. I'd be willing to wager that they wake up in the morning jumping up out of the wrong-right side of the bed, rush to the bathroom, splash tepid water on their face, and then look in the mirror at their reflection thinking aloud: "Now yesterday I was a first-class, Grade A cunt! Good job me! How on EARTH am I going to top THAT today though?!" Insanity.
I've also come to the conclusion that debating a point with someone who is set in their particular way of doing things and have already determined they're right in their assessment, and will talk all over you to drive and park their point on home is useless. Better to say, "but, but, but..." shrug, and let them get the last word, because the jockeying back and forth becomes a fruitless effort on your part. Find the comedy in their smug, know-it-allishness- because you know you're open minded and knowledgeable enough to bow out gracefully. Why exert energy on someone who hasn't a clue, even though they think they do? Not worth it.
Lastly, I think Bobbi Brown's Limited Edition Brights Eye Palette is simply beautiful, but I can't justify spending $70.00 on eye makeup when I can go to the drugstore and buy Loreal H.I.P. eye colors for just a fraction of that cost. It's better to stare at Bobbi's palette longingly and wonder, "What if I COULD afford it though, and wasn't in the throes of financial trials and tribulations?" That there is grocery money. Spending it on eye makeup would be cause to get dildo-slapped. I also want a block of this for my natural hair. More attainable than the $70.00 eye palette, non? Oh, and shout out to the brotha who tapped me on the shoulder, beckoned me to unplug my earphones in the middle of a great song, and who opined, "You look like a VERY elegant Black woman. I gotta learn more about you." and sauntered away. He probably will never learn more about me, but thanks for the compliment anyway, oh, and two middle fingers to my older sister who commented, "Oh, was he wearing glasses? Ohhhh, I know, he must've been retarded." When I relayed the story to her last night ...
That's it.
**Updated to include: How about that Inauguration Speech? Very thrilling. It'll be interesting to watch how our new President tackles the mess at hand. Hopefully with fervent determination and grace. I for one am proud that a person of color has galvanized a nation to embrace change (kicking and screaming in some instances), allowing him to break the class ceiling and hold the highest politial office. One thing to inspire hope... another thing to carry through and see that message to fruition. At this juncture, I'm over the "We have a Black President" mania. I'm more interested in what our new President, who just happens to be Black, will do to help mend the damage done to our country. He has an arduous task ahead of him and seems up to the challenge. Many of us are still caught up in the rapture of change, but I think it's time to move past Obama's skin color and focus on his politics and what he has in store for us. **

January 17, 2009

Are Witch Titties Really THIS Cold??

It's bitter cold, and my mood is just about neck and neck with this blasted weather. It is definitely days like these that make me curse being born and bred in New England. I blame Canada. In any event, I can't seem to warm up. I can't relax in the confines of my home, because it's freezing. It's a to-the-bone type of chill that is simply inescapable, regardless of how many layers you hide under, how high you crank the heat up, how much Vicks Vaporub you slather under your nose, and how tight of a fetal position you curl up in!! I can wish for man to cozy up next to, but he'd be of no use to me, because he'd be shivering and complaining right alongside me. He'd touch me, and I'd probably shrink away from his touch, due to his hands being ice cold.
How depressing. Last night, bundled up and on the cusp of a nervous breakdown because the bus driver decided to take his sweet time letting pulling up to the stop, my fingers were frozen almost to the point of no return. This is with insulated leather gloves on, a wool coat, and a wrap. Settled within the warm confines of the bus, I glowered angrily at the driver, then I gingerly peeled my gloves off gasping at my blue tinted fingertips!
This is the kind of weather that forces people to walk stooped over as they pull their layers tighter to their bodies muttering and cursing under their breath and to be pissy drunk until they slump face forward on the bus, because the pain of the cold is too much for them to bear. The kind of havoc that wrecks plans, dispositions, and heating bills! As discomforting as I find hot, humid, stagnant air to be, I'd definitely take that kind of summer over this any day. I find it easier to keep cool. Keeping warm? Not so much. I'll admit the cold air has been great for my pores, but sidestepping people sneezing and hacking into the brisk air, and stepping over globs of spit and phlegm on the sidewalk doesn't do anything to soothe my soul or my mild germaphobia. I'm finding myself eating a myriad of strange things for breakfast, in a desperate bid to warm up from the inside out (atomic fire balls and coffee anyone?) Pressing lunch time errands go ignored, because I simply can't bear the thought of going out into the frosty air. As kinky as this may sounds to some, every morning and every evening, I cover myself, neck to toe in thick body butters and generous globs of Vaseline... a vain attempt to keep my skin supple, moisturized, and protected from the ash dying to attach itself to my skin! I'm a greazy woman this winter! And I'm loving every second of it as I'm triumphing over the ashiness. It's an especially mad, cruel, winter or at least it has been these past couple of weeks. The city of Hartford, CT seems allergic to plowing the snow piles properly, making it rather difficult to navigate the curbs and cross the street. Today, a blind woman fell over a pile of snow as she gingerly stepped off the bus, swinging her stick wildly into the air trying to find her way. The bus driver simply looked on from the perch of his seat, as the woman struggled to her feet and dusted herself off. A friendly passenger ran out to tend to her, "Okay, she's up on her feet, let's get going," I heard a dry teenage voice mutter impatiently from the back of the bus. Empathy is officially dead, folks. Nothing left to
do but mull over looming debts that need to be paid and drown my
winter blues in a sea of red wine. piping hot mugs of black coffee, and strong, spicy teas.

December 25, 2008

Lounging

I am on vacation. This means no work until January 5th, official as of yesterday, December 24th, 2008. I plan on using this free time to do fuckall. I am not one of those people who feels guilty for not making good or productive use of her time. I think doing absolutely nothing takes special skill, and I am quite adept at it. Sleeping, eating, cracking open the bottles of wine given me as Xmas gifts. Sounds divine.
I will most certainly remember to chop it up on the blog perhaps next year or during the course of me doing nada. And don't ask me about New Year's resolutions, because I don't make any. The committee of Me, Myself, and I has decided that making them are useless, as waiting once a year to stop acting like a piece of trash or aspire to great heights should be an on-going goal that happens everyday of one's life.
Keep it productive, I know I'm not going to.
xoxo Coffey