Coffee Rhetoric: Life
Showing posts with label Life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Life. Show all posts

October 24, 2011

These and Those: In Which My Hair Uncovers Dirty Truths


In these uncertain times where 9-to-5 jobs are difficult to come by due to asshole companies' discriminatory behavior and folks pushing forward to eke out an income working for themselves, money is tight and happy hour prices don't always put a smile on one's face once the bill comes. Fortunately Zula, located at 901 Main Street in downtown Hartford manages to keep it classy and sassy while providing a diverse crowd, good food, great music, and an outstanding happy hour from 4pm-7pm, so that folks don't side-eye their bill while angrily digging their wallet out of their purse or back pockets. $3 wines and drafts, $5 cocktails, and $4 plates. Why not? I was having a particularly good hair day this past Friday and ventured inside where I chatted up a personable and accommodating bartender named Jessica. 
Jessica kept me company and divulged interesting details about her life as a bartender before rapper, Keith Murray's sister found her way inside... apparently seduced by the halo of awesomeness that was my hair that day. She said she spied it through the plate glass window. My hair is touch and go whenever I wear un-bunned; some days it's just OK and other days it's particularly eye-catching. 

Now I'm familiar with this obviously cool woman (whose name always eludes me, unfortunately)- as I've run into her on numerous occasions downtown, where she resides. I had no idea until this past Friday that she was related to the Def Squad member, however. Keith's sister and I chatted about this and that... mostly regarding what her brother was currently up to and we pontificated a little about dating. Lately, I just choose not to do it. I'm really working on focusing getting to where I'd like to be professionally. Also, running into an unwanted nuisance I can't seem to escape a few days prior and then receiving a rambling voice mail this evening from another one, who once divulged an unfortunate story to me (on a FIRST quasi-DATE) about why his penis was virtually non-existent, has prompted me (an atheist type) to want to spend the remainder of my adult life in a convent for wayward dating souls. But I do enjoy hearing about what other people are up to in their love/sex lives. Keith Murray's sister spoke about a man she'd been dating for about a month, whose company she seemed to enjoy. He bought her gifts and he took her out to dine at fine restaurants. I happened to ask if they'd ever been to Zula. "This is too open for him. He likes more restrained, sort of fancier places. He probably wouldn't like this atmosphere." She suggested. We continued to make interesting conversation and shortly after, she excused herself to the bathroom. Suddenly a man and a young Black woman walked in. He pulled out Keith's sister's chair and  I alerted him, "Oh... someone's sitting there." He slid it back up to the bar sans incident... 
Keith's sister returned from the bathroom and surprised, hugged the man with familiarity. He and the young woman retreated to the opposite end of the bar. Considering our conversation just moments ago, Keith's sister alerted me that the man she hugged was the so-called charming fellow she'd been seeing, who bought her gifts, and who quite possibly would not take her out to dine at Zula... and it was obvious why. 

It gave me no pleasure whatsoever to see her obvious discomfort and dismay, especially when she said, "He told me he's here with someone else." I suggested that she "be cool" and finish enjoying her drink. A friend I spied and then a cool Hartfordite I recognized from and communicated with on Twitter, as well as an inebriated Afro-latina woman who mistakenly took and opened my purse to retrieve money to pay for her drinks would later distract me. So I never saw Keith's sister leave... The cad and his date were gone from the bar and slipped out into the cool, autumn night as well, and I wouldn't see how the awkward situation panned out in the end. My hope is that Keith's sister didn't go home too upset and put out. My hope is that I randomly run into her again. I'm not sure why this man felt compelled to try to put the wool over Keith Murray's sister's eyes and I won't speculate, as I've stopped trying to decipher the complicated adagio dance women and men, when courting one another. It's best to piss into the wind and just tread as steadily as one can in these matters. 

I'd like to think that if my hair hadn't been so awesome that day, Keith's sister would not have felt inspired to join me and stay long enough to see her paramour's dark-sided ways. And this is why I'll never bid my natural hair adieu. 

September 13, 2011

These and Those: Au revoir à l'Eté

Summer... I laughed, I cried, I scowled, I scratched my head... this summer wasn't too bad but it wasn't without a few bumps and snags either. I've learned a great deal about navigating the landscape known as freelance writing. Important lessons such as; how to be discerning with people who employ the services of freelancers and adapting to ever changing personalities in this current economic/job climate. Oh, I've learned some great lessons, even if I had to experience more inconveniences. There's a whole chapter of my adult life titled UNFORESEEN INCONVENIENCES, in fact. That's where I archive them all. Instead of bullet points, I sub-categorize them under expletives. 
Anyway, stumbling is always frustrating once you start gaining momentum. I always liken it to the damsel in distress in those formulaic slasher films, who trips over a tree stump while running wildly away from the murderous psychopath, while he creeps calmly and patiently towards his prey.  As I always do, I endure as best as I can- (like the last heroine standing... battered and bruised by her stalker) - and just catapult myself forward towards, flailing towards stability. 
Like the leaves change color during the fall, I've determined, I too need to change colors with the season and tweak the knobs on my personality to suit the situation. Never in a disingenuous way, of course... but in a more guarded way. I want to play the shamelessly selfish jerk sometimes and not dial it down just because some other selfish jerk scoffs. I get too excited when I've stumbled on some collaborative thing that seems as if it's too good to be true. More often than not, it is. I had the opportunity to work on some amazing projects, with some extremely driven and passionate people, so in many instances, I remained steady on my feet and carved a niche for myself and my portfolio. But others have proved to be certainly uncertain in the end. You win some, you loose some. I'm sick of singing that particular hook and song, so I'll end with c'est la vie so forth and so on. The world is a vast place with so many undiscovered nooks and corners. I won't put my personal endeavors on the back-burner to help peddle someone else's agenda, only to end up with the short end of the stick... not anymore. Some things are no longer negotiable when it comes to my own personal growth and desires. I may be an insomniac, but I dream just like everybody else. I resolve to continue at my own pace and no one else's, unless it's lucrative and a good fit. 
While I'm not exactly thrilled over what the winter weather will bring (especially after what last year's snow storms wracked) or its starkness, I'm actually glad that summer is coming to an end. Fall is my favorite season and I tend to more introspective, more creative, and thirstier for robust Spanish wines. I also enjoy dressing for the fall. Fall's color palate suit me and I love indulging my love of opaque tights and boots. 
As always... To Be Continued...  

August 18, 2011

Spilling Open: Introspection

I haven't had the opportunity to spill open on here in a while. .. not in the fashion I'm accustomed to. "Diversifying" and introducing different elements to this blog has prompted me to sort of shut my personal self off. Since I can't afford the luxury of sighing and heaving to a shrink, I figured I'd get back to the middle and do it here. I miss spilling open here. The luxury of having my own forum and not restricting how I utilize my voice is a wonderful and freeing right to have. This very late and sleepless night, I choose to project in a very self-analytical way... for I'm the best, worst, most knowledgeable judge of me, myself, and I. 
Three days ago, I turned 34. I haven't had the opportunity to let the fact that I'm in my hardcore, mid-thirties, sink in until late last night and then now. I've always been an extremely leery woman, but it seems the older I get... the grumpier, more impatient, cut and dry paranoid I become about people's intentions (not to mention the insane hormonal changes my body is experiencing). My thoughts run a mile a minute... still... and my intuition goes into overdrive... The nights I can't sleep (which are often), I'm more in form and my emotions run the gamut.
Close friendships I've had for years are still intact, easy to maintain, and I cherish them. I also curse them for being so long-distance.  I'm finding that cultivating new ones is a difficult process for me. Sort of like the three times I've tried, to no avail, to care for and nurture organic  French lavender plants.  While I enjoy meeting their acquaintance, I don't trust people upon first coming into contact with them and schmoozing is a daunting task I'd rather avoid. My expectations of folks I fancy tend to be pretty basic, but high (within reason)... so when they generate a flaky outer-crust, I have visuals of them engaging in unsavory discussions about me when I'm not around and cackling at my expense after I've opened up to them (a la the movie, Carrie... when she flashes back to her mother mockingly telling her; "They're all gonna laugh at you!"). Mind you, none of the things I'm divulging charts the madness of an Angry Black Woman who's aging and coming undone. I've gone through some schtuff  over the years with people I considered friends, who eventually had no use for me once I stopped being able to provide them with the things they needed from me or who found someone more ride-or-die to guffaw and shoot the shit with. This is nineteen years worth of angst. I'm conflicted; sometimes  assholish when it comes to shielding myself... and so it manifests in a brooding, somewhat cold package ready to cut someone's jugular (or shutdown and close up shop, depending on the situation)- when I think I'm being compromised in some way. I stay solitary for the most part and actually quite enjoy doing things alone... In fact I find it gratifying and not unlike the scene from Catherine Breillat's French film, Romance... where Marie stalks her boyfriend to a sushi restaurant... chagrined by his flagrant pleasure in being alone eating his California rolls and reading his book ... without her... to which she mentally voices over that she would've rather found him cheating with another woman. 
While I dislike being a mercurial woman sans the desire to nurture deeper relationships with the opposite sex or entertain any new applicants for friendship, I've grown comfortable in my ... aloofness (for lack of a better term), as it's easy to just exist in a world unto myself and with people I'm comfortable with and who know me. But while my opaque and indifferent nature seems comforting and offers the protection I need from being inconvenienced in some way...  it's exasperating. 
Aging, learning how to deal with other people's personality quirks juxtaposed against my own, and fumbling towards my core presents an amalgamation of different feelings: perplexed, resistant, and frustrated ...
I understand that venturing outside the comfortable confines I've built around myself is a difficult but very necessary thing I need to experience more often... Despite it being so easy to withdraw and become self-contained... In essence, I just want to be left the hell alone; yet essentially I want to be happy having reached some sort of balanced medium... but I know this isn't a healthy or realistic expectation. What can I say?... I'm a middle child who embraces her right to err and grow. Stay tuned...

June 18, 2011

Reading Is Fundamental

I have MASSIVE amounts of reading to catch up with! I feel as if I haven't read for pleasure in forever due to being busy. I'm looking to resolve this today! But... but... Where to begin? 



March 07, 2011

These and Those: Winning

It's Monday.  I've got my second wind and refuse to acknowledge the prospects who've messaged me on the dating site I haven't(?) re-activated.
In the meantime, I remain dateless but too busy to care, as I'm still hard at work trying to make a proper name for myself as a writer for hire (and yes I wrote "proper"... forget what you've heard on the street).
Ideally, I'd love my week to chug, chug, chug along without having to hear or read about the self-inflicted disintegration of a self-entitled, overpaid, haggard looking White man actor in need of a long nap, but alas, the media storm continues to rain down on the masses like an unexpected and unwanted golden shower shortly after a sexual interlude... and no that has never happened to me, nor am I anticipating it to anytime soon...
In the meantime, I'm still perfecting the art of schmoozing... even if it means pretending to care while some middle-aged, drunk but rich wine bar regular complains how badly his whole entire body hurts, as this bodes poorly for me and my endeavors. On the flipside of the coin, it does mean interacting and fostering partnerships with other local artsy types.
Check out man about town, filmmaker and video producer, Helder Mira's (of Rabbit Ears Media) interview with artist Rashaad Newsome, whose featured work is currently on display at the Wadsworth Atheneum as part of their Matrix series, and offer your feedback. I've been working a little with Helder, helping document the process of play-in-the-making, Flipside, and he is extremely talented (and single, ladies ... and did I mention his name is Helder?) But I digress...
I have yet to find the time to go see Rashaad's work, but I simply MUST! I've been hearing a great deal about this exhibit and would hate to let the opportunity slip through my fingers. I'm definitely trying to win (sans this elusive tiger blood), and take advantage of all the awesome event unfolding in the city of Hartford without spreading myself too thin...  Anyway, see Helder's vid.









February 14, 2011

These and Those: Onward March

I haven't abandoned Coffee Rhetoric in the least.  My new gig blogging for a local professional theater group, as well as trying to juggle and acclimate myself to newly elected PR and marketing responsibilities has kept me busy. Not complaining as these are things I've been steadily working towards! I'm enjoying interacting with this band of professional actors and definitely feel like I'm in my element, although trying to break myself of "day job" type protocol has been a bit challenging, so I still tread with caution and make sure to ask... but I do dig these fellow creative minds. It has also allowed me to meet and network with even more people as I try to follow-through with being a fabulously broke socialite, as the theater posts have been well received. Speaking of which, the more I navigate the trials and tribulations of socializing on my own, the more I realize that I'm simply getting too old to entertain specific personalities and people. I'm becoming more solitary... more... leery... more... observant... because it amazes me how people will sit back and expect someone to expend energy trying to placate their egos, yet won't put forth any effort trying to nurture any type of rapport or camaraderie and will go on a tirade about what someone did to slight or inconvenience them.
Over the course of the past two years or so, I've gotten to know and develop friendships with some pretty genuine and amazing people... but I've also come across a few recently who unfortunately proved to be high maintenance, self-entitled, and self-important. I'm just not willing to yield to someone particularly if it's not a mutual or beneficial effort. My derring-do allows me to dance a tango around someone who doesn't seem certain about how they want to present themselves to me. I went through a trying summer this past year and this current one... I deserve to exhale for once and relax my sphincter ... even if for a moment in this particular space and time. 
I'm just too old(er) and far too exasperated for theatrics...and am only interested in the stage work I'm currently being paid to cover. This whole culture of people who can't seem to move forward unless prompted by pretend so-called "haters" just doesn't bode well for me or my sanity, because I don't need a band of merry hecklers to catapult me to where I need to be. The whole concept of "hateration" is just distracting  and it's easy for one to feed into their own hype as they get swept up in the rapture of addressing the people they perceive to be jealous booers and hissers. I simply practice the art known as IGNORING. If maintaining a relatively as low-key as possible cipher is not for you... then I'm not ... for you, because I loathe grown-up bullies and people who do and say cruel things for no reason other than to try to conquer their own insecurities and issues. Otherwise, at this point and time...always and seemingly forever... I'm still fumbling towards ecstasy, wishing my bestest friend was closer, building up my battered resilience as well as even more character, and am in somewhat of a decent place right now and hope to see it through to fruition. 
This pretty much sums up where I am... 

December 28, 2010

Touch Up

It has been awhile. I hate staying away for too long, but sometimes the banality of life gets in the way. I've been up to some pretty interesting things in the midst of the triteness and the soup I'm prepping is cooking at a low simmer. I'm hoping it'll come to a full boil sometime soon, because I'm starving. I'm trying to stay motivated and not get sidetracked by travail and annoyances that plague like a fruit fly outbreak in a banana factory, in the dead of summer. 
Poetz Corner performer
I recently attended the season finale of Poetz Corner at Cloud 9 in Hartford, hosted by local performance artist, publisher, and writer Shireal Renee, who always seems to steer and stir up a good show. It was an upbeat culmination that showcased outstanding a rousing group of poets this time around. The best was seemingly saved for last. I was even forced coerced and cajoled into shuffling up to the stage during the open Mic and read a rather salacious piece myself... much to my chagrin, as I'm  a writer and provocateur ... not a performance artist. I do look forward to seeing what next season generates. While making sure that Poetz Corner gave good show this season, Shireal Renee also found time to perform her one woman show, "Wide Open" to much acclaim... So much so, its encore is slated to open again on February 4th & February 6th at the Wadsworth Atheneum of Art
I've made a few long overdue and desired vanity changes to Coffee Rhetoric, and shortened the url address to dot com. The anticipation is killing me, and I simply cannot wait until January 1st to unveil the sprucing up I did. So here is the updated and improved coffeerhetoric.com it its preliminary stage. I am looking forward to getting back to my regularly scheduled blog updates. So much has incited me to chorus and I miss ranting about it! I've actually resorted to journaling by hand. People, places, this, that, and the other never cease to amaze me, and I need to talk massive amounts of shit about it. 
I do appreciate all the continued support everyone bestows upon me. I'm indebted to you few dedicated readers and will fake bake you all a heaping batch of hot, chocolate-chip cookies someday... um... in this lifetime... 
I'm back in session and don't plan on taking any more extended breaks! I feel so... so lost when I don't update on a consistent basis, as issues fall by the wayside. I am trying to get back to the middle ... spilling open offers the catharsis I need and my chest is constipated. I don't subscribe to the New Year's Resolutions List theatrics most other people do. I'm not one to wait once a year to improve upon something as I'm a work in progress and continue to fumble towards ecstasy, and quite honestly, there're some things I simply just... prefer and so have no desire to change. On some level, I suppose my rebellion against making empty resolutions is why I decided not wait, to breathe life back into my blog or to unmask the changes. I'm psychoanalytical like that. ;-p
That is all. 

November 14, 2010

Alive! Plus some Coffee Buzz

(c) Coffee Rhetoric
I've been gone for a minute, now I'm back with the Jump-off, but not really...  I feel as if I haven't blogged in forever. In addition to being afflicted with writer's block, I've been caught up in the rapture of life. Keeping busy is definitely good, but I definitely don't want to immerse myself in productive happenings at the expense of writing and blogging. Aside from clocking in hours, I've been doing my version of schmoozing (Just like flirting, I'm not good at it), trying to make the rounds around town, and meeting other interesting people. I've also been shadowbox, duck, and weave the toxic energy that constantly seems to try to insinuate itself into my life. It's like a dense fog full of dead spirits or not unlike a noxious gas that cuts through the air. In any event... fighter, survivor... so forth, so on... I flail and jab with fervor and it seems as if the wheel is turning... it's creaking... but it's turning ever so slowly, and that works for me.
In any event, I've made what I hope turns out to be worthwhile connections with some really great people making moves in Hartford, and if there's one thing I've grown an affinity for, it's promoting my home city and spotlighting the people that advocate for it and help it prosper while trying to carve out their own niche here. Most notably are: John Ramaglia, a local film producer whose acquaintance I met at wine bar Bocca Rossa. His credentials sounded pretty impressive. He's co-creator of the Silk City Flick Fest (which I think I've linked in a previous Coffee Buzz post), and manager of up-and-coming talent in Hartford. John also mentioned helping bring Poetz Corner TV- which is an open mic poetry event, taped live every Tuesday night at Hartford lounge, Cloud 9 and hosted by Shireal Renee (star of the upcoming one woman show "Wide Open")- to Access TV on Channel 5 (Hartford). 
(c) MzIndgoBGM/Michelle Mowatt
I'm also pleased to know and mention fledgling freelance makeup artist (she's really good) and modeling recruiter for New York based plus-size sorority and organization BGM (Big Girl Movement) Inc. - (Which strives to encourage fuller-figured women to feel comfortably fabulous, healthy, active, and stylish in their skin)- Michelle Mowatt. Irreverent, gorge, stylish, and self-aware, Michelle is definitely a lady to look out for... as she does great renditions of the smoky eye (Glam Fairy who?), and is already amassing an eager and growing list of visages to beat into shape, armed with a great collection of makeup brands in her arsenal. Please contact her here, for more information on hiring her to do your makeup or BGM- mzindygobgm@gmail.com and twitter.com/MzIndygoBGM
There's so much going on in Hartford, with me, so forth and so on. I'm desperately trying my best to keep up and stay in the midst of it all. It's both exciting and exhausting. I think I definitely need to look into getting back on some sort of multivitamin lest I'll miss it all ... I also need to re-organize my own personal goings on, so that I can continue to spill open in earnest sans the long lapses. ... I also saw Tyler Perry's film adaption of Ntozoke Shange's experimental masterpiece, "For Colored Girl's Who Have Considered Suicide When the Rainbow Wasn't Enough" and am still working through how I feel about his handling of it. Overall, it wasn't terrible... but I am still working through how I feel. I know it has already generated obnoxious ramblings from what I've christened to be the Fraternity of Danny Downers who seem unaware of the movie's origins... post to follow real soon, once I organize my thoughts because I also feel like you can't be Black and say something in opposition to Tyler Perry's work without getting the side-eye from our community... So, yes... I need to think it through before I offer up my opinion for public consumption ... 

September 28, 2010

In Which I Wax Nostalgic About the Laws of Dating, My Uterus, and My Life

(c)Coffee Rhetoric
Aside from stumbling into an impromptu date here and there, I decided some months ago not to invest anymore stock, time, or energy actually searching for a date or trying to figure out why navigating the mechanics of dating sucks so hard. I've come to the conclusion that is just is what it is. Fumbling towards ecstasy seems to be the way to go. As I continue to hone my socialite life and fledgling writing/social media career past the point of starving artist, I've met the myriad of personalities and have literally stumbled into impromptu dates... fun ones sans the tension and anxiety of planned meetings ... I find that this works for me, sometimes. The pressure is off and I remain focused. These realizations hit me every year that I get older. 
Gone are the days where I feel the need to explain myself, my actions, my life or engage questions such as "What do you  do?" "Explain why you do..." and "Do you have any children?" <- (my least favorite question).  
It does offer the opportunity to choose from an assortment of obnoxious answers, however, or not to answer at all... slyly changing the subject.
 The fact of the matter is, I feel okay with not wanting to have any children or settle down... exploring my options as I see fit and not opening up those issues for scrutiny or debate. Ofttimes I feel comfortable with my personal choices and life. Unless someone's making a hefty deposit into my checking account to help toward my livelihood... depositing their two cents is non-negotiable. Being 33 allows me to feel okay with struggling toward the finish line in my race to accomplish my goals. 
(c)Coffee Rhetoric
The struggle (especially in this economy) is frustrating and exasperating, and I've faced several obstacles head on this year (reluctantly so in some instances), but it's a beautiful struggle nonetheless and it belongs to me... no one else. During this... my own personal triathlon, I try to find the balance between feeling frustrated and just simply enjoying myself... and so I may take a small detour and enjoy life's pleasures... such as perusing products on display... 
(c)Coffee Rhetoric
and taking in some theater productions  featuring the art of interpretive dance... 
 It's a gradual journey and I'm extremely hopeful, hungry, resolute, humbled, and driven. 

August 08, 2010

Maintaining

So far, I'm maintaining. Despite not being exactly where I'd like to be, not getting exactly what I want to have, so forth and so on, I feel somewhat at peace... somewhat. There're definitely intermittent moments where the weather forecast is fraught with cumulus clouds. During that those moments, Horus steps in front of me and angrily jabs his fist at the sky as Wadjet keeps me under her watchful eye... making sure I don't collapse in a dejected heap. It is then that I continue to flail and fight, the undeniable resolve of Sekhmet. 
Fringed ends are trimmed for good and I tightly knot the freshly shorn and intact ones. That is all the closure I need, because regressing is the interpretive dance form I'd rather not engage in. I'm exasperated, but I continue to trudge forth, shrugging off non essential baggage, lightening my load as best as I can, while holding on to those provisions crucial to my survival. I've got those neatly packed away in a trendy, brown leather hand bag. They sit amongst my lip gloss, hand cream, wallet, pepper spray, ear phones, and mobile phone. 
I'm sputtering forward, forcing my way through as many doors as I can push my way through... Please note the tip jar to the left. No bills lower than Good Karma and Well Wishes, thank you very much. 

April 27, 2010

These and Those

So it appears that the Torment of Tantalus has worked its trickery on me again; 'tis all good though. My world is still level and my resolve is intact... and somewhat stronger than ever. In a phrase, I'm none too worse for wear and still stumbling, trying to find my footing. That's all one can do. 
In the interim, more than ever, I'm finding that personalities are as fickle and unpredictable as seasons and that mediocrity and basic people reign supreme in this cult-of-personality, as they accomplish their come-up from the bottom of the swamp as well as the best catches in the sea, who seem hypnotized by the foolishness of dysfunction. The forecast in my stratosphere range from sunny dispositions to broody, stagnant air. My stopgap is a heavy dose of preoccupation, sprinkled with good old-fashioned aloofness. I tried to find willing and interesting sponsorship/ads for this humble little blog, to no avail. No takers. Perhaps it's for the best. I like being the little engine that could. Just me and my thoughts, spilled out sans irritating, flashing banners. What was I thinking anyway? Back to the weather-- People, men (especially), women... they come and go. As I fumble toward some semblance of ecstasy, I'm humbled to re-realize who and what really matters and how much (more) I value certain people and things. 
Dating doesn't factor into my foresight so much, anymore... because I'm oh, so driven. My legs are pumping and sore from the effort of trying to complete this marathon run; so any and others... this includes rejects who've resurfaced from underneath their moist rocks for Spring, those who whisper sweet nothings (because essentially that's all it amounts to)... can kick rocks. I got my stoic groove back, creativity is flourishing, and I'm nibbling away- (with more frequency... like an famished city rat, who has hit pay dirt with its meal) at writing projects I neglected while in the throes of my frustration and anguish. 
I'll even admit out loud that I attempted to apply for a writing grant a few months ago... and got overwhelmed and intimidated by the whole process and gave up. I'm regretful, but not ashamed. My mind wandered towards more pressing matters...and my passion was stifled.
Regardless of what hasn't happened (yet) , I've got my second wind. I'm still flailing and am not down for the count. Watch out for these blind right-hooks. They are unbridled in their efforts and I take no responsibility for whose jaw might get cracked.

April 11, 2010

Closer

I write a lot about the pain of Tantalus Torture... of desperately yearning for something that is so-so close that it tickles your nose and makes your eyes flutter, as it gently touches your lashes... only to have it dance away, mocking you, as you try to grab hold of it. That has been the story of the last few years of my adult life, and so I never fill my basket with all of my eggs. I'm always expecting the unexpected. I jut my chin out defiantly and take each day as it comes... However, I am extremely famished. The pangs in the pit of my stomach twist, gurgle, and wrench... demanding to be fed. I take in sustenance... as much as I can... but am never sated. I eat, I consume, I gobble, I greedily stuff my gut but my hunger is a bottomless pit. 
This current situation... it works, for now. I'm grateful to be in its midst however, I want the whole lot.  I'm greedy and it's oooh so close... ready to be gobbled up, but how long will it last? I'm not a pessimist, but I'm already mentally preparing myself... in case this grande bouffe disintegrates and slips through my fingers... To be cont. ...




March 27, 2010

Le sigh

Sigh, sigh, sigh, sigh, sigh, sigh, squeezes eyes shut, sigh, rubs temples, sigh, sigh, opens mouth to say something, sigh, angrily swipes at eyes again, sigh, heavier sigh, sigh, sighs, sigh, sighed, can't stop sighing, mouth tenses up, sigh, sigh, sigh, what the hell?sigh, sigh, pulling it together, sigh, lifts back, sigh, sits up straight, sigh, blows nose for tenth time, sigh, curses, sigh, rolls eyes, sigh, FML, sigh, calls horrible names, ohmmm, sigh, ohmmmmm, sigh, sigh, gnashes teeth together, counts, ohmmms again and sigh. 
That's all I've got right now. 
To be continued... 

March 07, 2010

Sunday Ear Candy

Tomorrow I'm up and at it, for another session of major grinding. This song definitely comes to mind... 

February 23, 2010

Take A Look At My Life, See What I See



Still pavement pounding for the most basic of basic jobs, while networking and trying to catapult my own creative endeavors. Hard work. That level of commitment requires therapy, so I indulged in a little.
 In the meantime, I've been called a "beautiful, sophisticated, milk chocolate..." something or other, and compared to the likes of Jessye Norman. Not bad. Definitely far from "could be worse" status. Yet I got no takers or didn't generate enough interest in my quest for blog sponsorship, but alas, the night is still young and I am ambitious enough to stay hopeful. I recovered from my ass whooping, for now. And gained my second breath... so my resolve has been restored!
In the meantime, I shall continue partaking in therapy, mulling, pondering, hoping, cursing, so forth and so on... The night? It's still young. 

February 17, 2010

NOT.The.One

Dear Life,
Alright, I get it! My tenacity has rubbed you the wrong way.  In fact, my resilience has driven you to test me over and over and over again. Almost to the point that I feel as if I've become your official whipping post.  Now, I was emphatic about starting this new year off to a great start... all around. But alas, to no avail, because you're constantly picking on me. Don't you have any con artists and sketchy characters to teach a lesson?
It wasn't enough that you stomped on my fingers repeatedly while I was desperately hanging onto that window's ledge for leverage a couple of years ago, feet flailing beneath me... desperate for firm footing, because you wanted me to fall onto hard concrete... a broken heap. When that didn't work...when I managed to pull myself up and in... throbbing fingertips and all... you withered away, shrieking like an exorcised banshee... vowing to come back to kick my ass.
Listen, this latest kick to the gut and ribs left me rolling on the floor, clutching my sides in pain. I was not expecting that type of assault. So why continue the onslaught while I'm down? I'm struggling. Crawling. Dragging myself across the floor, in an effort to ward off your attack and stand back up, and you reeled back with your stiletto heel, pointed to perfection- (hey, Karmic bitches need to look fly too)- and administered one final, sharp kick. I thought that one would cause me to projectile vomit all the fight I had left in the pit of my stomach, all over the walls. I was able to choke it back down, however. I curled up in a fetal position to ward off your wild attack as best as I could... as you flailed your fists, shrieked, spat, and stomped like a petulant toddler. I'm still in shock... my ribs and sides are still quite sure from that last kick. But I was still able get back up... and stagger to a safe corner to plot my next move and get my bearings and second wind back.
I'm still mulling. I'm still plotting. A little defeated and bruised... but up and pondering my next move. 

xoxo
Coffey


February 03, 2010

Just Drive

I feel like I've reached an impasse. A never-ending maze with an elusive exit. So many decisions, so many things to nibble away at, but I'm completely deadlocked. People, places, and things never cease to perplex the hell out of me. And at times, it's overwhelming. I've had moments where I've attempted to check out, but alas, to no avail, because worries, my thoughts continue to plague me. I manage to be aloof in certain aspects of my life i.e., dating; wishy washy suitors, and an endless supply of assholes. In other aspects? Not so much; opportunities, my livelihood, my future. 
Ofttimes I think I have a dubious guardian, who loves toying with me and seeing me grapple with the worst luck! Or perhaps I'm an unwitting contestant in some twisted reality television program, where the masses are watching me wrestle and fight my way to the top. I don't know, but I continue to shadowbox. To bob, weave, sidestep... dance... twirl my way to what I feel is rightfully mine! I'm at a loss right now. I don't know how to plot my next move but I do know that I'm ready for my turn. I'm thinking. I'm pondering. I'm pissed. Intense game of mind play at work. Please do not disturb!
The fight continues. This is round 20.

January 10, 2010

Sunday Ear Candy

... Just 'cuz. And for much needed inspiration. I listened to this song EVERY MORNING, during my collegiate life.

January 06, 2010

I Wish You ILL

It's official--
The mechanics of dating and its games has made me cynical. I never thought I would say the dreaded 'C' word out loud, but I am Coffey So Finicky, evermore. The advice books by men geared toward single women (ahem, Steve Harvey) with dubious track records of their own. The bullshit, the nonsense, the flakiness, the obvious lying and disingenuous behavior... It seems to know no bounds. If I hear one more man whine about how his last experience... or how his best friend's friend got hustled by a golddigger, who needed $50,000 transferred to her account, before she peeled of her panties- as a way to justify is jerkery, I may need to sharpen my nails into angular points, and claw my(or his) eyes out. I've no sympathy for men who get "took" as it were. Because many of you have laid the groundwork for and choreographed this sort of shady adagio dance, between the sexes. Don't project your insecurities and obvious shallowness-gone-wrong, onto other women with good intentions.
Perhaps some women of my ilk are destined to stay single and live a life riddled with carpal tunnel syndrome and AA batteries. But sometimes, I think that alternative is well worth it... if only to side-step the nonsense and fuckery associated with dating... and all the "messy unnecessaries" it entails. And anyway, I'll always still have great hair and skin. That is all.