Coffee Rhetoric: Internet
Showing posts with label Internet. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Internet. Show all posts

November 10, 2007

The Disintegration of Sexy Times

I've always been indifferent toward porn. It has never prompted any deep desire in me, during my precocious pre and late teen years to watch out of curiosity, amid all the salacious buzz. Sneaking a peek at the erotica on Cinemax after 11pm, finding and then reading Jackie Collins's titillating plots, Erica Jong's Fear of Flying, and the illustrated educative wonderment of The Joy of Sex was it for me. I didn't watch hardcore porn until I was in college... with my best friend. We watched out of sheer boredom. We walked down to the town's local video store and picked something from the late seventies/early eighties, much to the cashier's amusement. It featured an interracial raunch fest. Basic man on woman boning. Nothing too shocking or sexy and void of anything particularly depraved and disgusting. The usual cheesy fare, in fact. Neither of us found the antics sexy or arousing. We laughed raucously and critiqued the clownery of it all. Pure comedy. We decided perhaps we were too intellectual and snotty to get it. Other then a porn clip online here and a legitimate art house flick there- (most recently the movie Short Bus, which featured unsimulated sex)- it hasn't interested or enticed me since. Despite the rash of filmed celebrity sexploits being "leaked" online. Over the years... after having watched and read a great deal of "behind the scenes" documentary style films and books, I've came to the conclusion that porn is not erotic, is silly, quite frankly, ridiculous. Most of the pornographic material being released is filmed and produced by men. Men and their distorted visions of how women should look, what ridiculous sexual positions we should be bent in, and how we should act. Despite rumblings to the contrary, I doubt any of the women acting in these films have any actual orgasms. Hair flinging, head whipping, and high pitched 'O' and fuck yeaaah sounds, I'm sorry but the orgasm is fake. All in all, it's harmless fun for the lonely, lecherous, and in some cases... the socially inept. I've never been one of the protesters screaming for the industry to be banned. That being said, a lot has changed with the porn industry. The ever increasing advances in technology, the internet, video cameras, webcams, and the like have made porn more accessible and more achievable for aspiring porn mongers. Any amateur can film their sexual exploits and upload them onto Xtube or Pornotube with relative ease. In turn, the industry has become a virtual free for all. College fraternity houses host parties where group sex and orgies abound, while their peers (men and women spectators) stand off to the side, cheering the guerrilla fuckfests... clutching beers, fists pumping in the air. All in front of the camera and easy to view over the internet. These "gonzo" type films have raised the stakes... and the stakes have become even more disturbing and depraved in their delivery. The acts women subject themselves too is enough to make the most hardened, difficult to offend person cringe. And it takes a lot to make me want to gag and then vomit in my mouth or turn away with disgust. Some of it is downright perplexing. Such as the compelling documentary Sex: The Annabel Chong Story, which documents- Grace Quek's (Annabel is her porn name)- rise, exploitation, and eventual retirement from the porn industry. Annabel allegedly pioneered the whole "gang bang" trend in the industry. Nothing was too graphic or hardcore for Annabel. She performed a diverse array of hardcore sex acts, including "triple penetration." Annabel's motives for starring in The World's Biggest Gangbang were troubling as the documentary delved into her past. Needless to say, this current wave of pornography breeds misogyny and encourages violence toward women. Spat on, slapped, pissed and defecated on, penetrated and fisted in every orifice by several different men at once... It's sickening. And it's distressing. Particularly the gonzo films featuring Black, Brazilian, and Latino women. Men take trips to urban areas (usually scouting in a van of some sort) in search of "Black ghetto sluts" willing to oil up, shake, and then spread their cheeks in a seedy looking hotel room, on film. The perpetuation of sexual stereotypes frustrate the hell out of me. Two steps lower and more debased than the garbage shown in rap videos. And those in and of themselves are bad. I'm open and believe in people having the right to engage in whatever consensual sexual act they desire... but some of this stuff is troubling, notwithstanding my liberal stance. And it's not behind closed door. I think challenging what's wrong with the porn industry as it depicts itself today, does not a prude or anti-sex type make. I do believe there's something wrong with people who don't challenge this sort of behavior, the women who willingly subject themselves to this sort of humiliation, and the men who encourage them to do it or who are sitting at home with their hand down their boxers watching it and then thinking it's okay to go out and mistreat women, outside the realm of that business. In fact, I'll go as far as to say that the behavior in these gritty porn movies- the degradation, the abuse, the spitting, skull f*cking, quadruple penetration, crude talk, choking etc. are anti-sex. Here's a small snippet from Robert Jensen's book, Getting Off:

It hurts to know that no matter who you are as a woman you can be reduced to a thing to be penetrated, and that men will buy movies about that, and that in many of those movies your humiliation will be the central theme. It hurts to know that so much of the pornography that men are buying fuses sexual desire with cruelty.

It hurts women, and men like it, and it hurts just to know that.

Donkey punched, penises rammed down their throats until they puke, heads dunked in toilet bowls while they're being reamed from behind, faces saturated with semen and pee, wanting to jizz on a woman's face... Is this the type of sexual interaction men are craving to have with women?? Do you all secretly fantasize about making some woman vomit, while you force your penis down her throat? If so perhaps I should get my delicates stitched closed and look into becoming a nun.
Read a more substantial excerpt from Jensen's book here.
Also read this Money Shot entry, from October 29 blogged by Girl with a One Track Mind.

August 04, 2007

Fifteen Additional Minutes

So, I mentioned in a previous post that I got interviewed by Fox 61 News reporter Rick Hancock. Well, the segment is upon the web and I was conflicted about posting the link, because quite simply I'm a narcissist and my own worst critic. I always find something to pick apart and criticize, especially when it comes to pictures and such. In any event, you all (interested parties) probably have some semblance of an idea about how I feel about how I look and sound on camera. *ahem* I will admit that it is not as bad as I initially thought It'd be. I don't think I sound special like I feared. I do sound like I'm from Orange County or some such place, however. Not cool. Anyway, there's no hiding. The segment and podcast are up on the Fox 61 News site for the masses to see and therefore easily Googleable for anyone nosy enough to go through the trouble... so no amount of dragging my feet will keep my short interview from being seen. You all see my big mug plastered on here all the time, not to mention I promised I would link it. I'm a man of my word, so let me save your Google hand the trouble and offer up the goods. The podcast can also be found on the same site

January 30, 2007

Got Sense? or Internet Dating 101

I could write a rambling diatribe about how I feel, after seeing the promo posters of a shirtless Daniel Radcliffe (aka Harry Potter), posturing next to a horse, for the very adult play Equus, but wont. I could also ponder the rather intimate fraternization between P. Diddy and Sienna Miller as reported all over the celebrity blogs and entertainment news programs... but wont do that either. I'm still mulling this one over, in fact. Instead, after having read an article written by Celia Ellenberg for this month's Jane Magazine, I've decided to make a few observations and comments about the seconds of pleasure and seemingly endless pains of internet dating. Apparently Miss Ellenberg, after a frustrating dry spell and lackluster dating prospects, plunged head-first, into the pool of internet dating, tossing aside all of her prior thoughts about it being for "losers," and registering with several sites, including and Internet dating is as common now, as gathering socially at a party or a bar to hobnob with viable prospects. Both concepts (on or off-line) is a meat market, every man, woman, and child (of legal age of consent) for themselves. It's not as taboo as it once was, and finding a friend or mate via cyberspace is a good way for busy professionals to get right to the meat of the matter, without having to be a serial barhopper. This said, I've even registered with a few sites, over the course of a few years, not to meet my Rebel Prince, but more out of curiosity (and amusement)... to see what correspondences, possible coffee dates, makeout partners, and friendships I could strike up. Needless to say, I'm still single and perplexed. Using my own experiences and the horror stories of various friends and acquaintances, I've composed a quicklist of dont's and some a few do's to help make the process somewhat painless and easy to navigate...
  • Guys, don't try to engage a woman in sexual talk and phone sex during the very first phone call. This is your first opportunity to make a good impression, and if you can't even keep your testosterone at moderate levels during a phone call, then perhaps you're destined to remain single and horny.
  • Ladies, don't engage in sex talk within 10 minutes of meeting your date and keep your kit on until at LEAST the second or third date. Also, don't dress like a high class hooker or coke addicted, disco-skank. You want to be respected? Then carry yourselves accordingly. Also, don't get wasted on the first date. Believe it or not, most men don't find excessive drinking, during a date, appealing.
  • Guys, ask a woman about herself every now and again, throughout the evening. You all accuse us of talking to much, but I've been in situations where the man will just drone on and on and on, about himself, his cars, his job, how much money he rakes in, the ex-factors... It's not just about you. I realize the whole process of dating and meeting for the first time in general, is nerve wracking, but remember you're sitting across from another person who'd like to give you some insight about herself, her life, current events or what have you, too.
  • Men, don't send a woman an inquiry, particularly requesting more photos than the 6 or 7 she already has on her profile, and don't greedily ask for specific types of photos. Especially since many of you have few photos, if any at all. Also, don't email someone with your pictureless profile (that reads you'll provide one upon request) and then expect a prompt response, if any. It's called reciprocity! I don't get why people even bothering registering, if they're leery about posting a photo.
  • Ladies, don't dig for gold or dumb yourselves down. You may think this is appealing, sexy, and this type of behavior may work to your advantage in some instances, but sometimes it's okay to act like an **gasp** responsible, intelligent, and adult woman. If a man is intimidated by your intellect, then he's not worth the tiny pebbles stuck in the crevices of your Louboutins. Also, stop acting entitled and get past the first date, before you ask for shopping sprees or before outlining what your "going rate" is. It makes it bad for the lot of us. Bthe time a man meets a woman who's genuine in her motives, he's already jaded and mean.
  • Men, don't eye up other women in the presence of your date. It's rude. At least have the decencey to wait until your date takes a potty break before your wonky eye starts to rove.
  • Also men, if you find someone interesting and it graduates to Yahoo Messenger or AIM, complete with webcam interaction... be fully clothed and don't try to get your rocks off cybering. They have specific rooms and websites you can visit (for a paltry fee) for that. Visit one on your own time.
  • Ladies and gents... Did your online interaction make it to realtime? DO make eye contact and let things unfold naturally. Nothing should be forced.
  • Ladies, don't text, email, or instant message your dating prospect nonstop, wondering where you stand after 3 piddly dates or online chats. Let the cards fall where they may. Besides, neediness is unappealing and desperate. Same thing applies for guys as well. If it's meant to go further, then it will. Don't force a circle into a square. If it tapers off... let. it. go. Don't obssess. No one likes to feel rejected, but you win some, you lose some. There's always someone better or more compatible... and if it tapers off during email or IM interaction... then perhaps it's for the best anyway.
  • Women, don't plaster your profile with pictures, featuring you spread eagle in your thong, lingerie, or booty shorts, and then complain about the lascivious messages and propositions you're receiving. Be sexy and attractive, but keep it classy... not assy.
  • Do be complimentary of one another. A little flattery goes a long way, but don't fish for compliments.
  • Ladies, if you plan on meeting a prospective date from the internet, bring at least 20 or 30 bucks with you juuust in case.
  • Lastly, to both parties, do make sure you screen accordingly. Chat online for a spell, and then work your way up to the phone. A few scags will undoubtedly slip through the cracks (I know this all too well), but be as discerning as you possibly can.
That's it. Date it out.
Dating sites as recommended by Jane Magazine
  • Find love in the air. This site apparently offers you the opporutnity to handpick your seat mate, whilst flying the friendly skies.
  • For people who don't want to shag.
  • The voluptuous and sexy need love too.
  • Like Star Wars, Star Trek, and other geeky fare? Register here.
  • Hippies, vegans, and evironmentalists unite!
  • for Debbie and Danny Downers. Or is it called Emo?
  • for sports fanatics to engage one another.
  • Pets need loving too.
  • Like Hotties? Are you particular about looks? Register here. Read the list of criteria before registering, however. They truly and really don't want fugs uploading profiles on their dating site!
  • STD Singles? Pretty self-explanatory.