Coffee Rhetoric: Toxic

August 11, 2008

Toxic

Today, the weather was this strange amalgamation of rain, humidity, cool air, and sun. While the humidity wasn't oppressive as there was enough cool air to present a healthy balance, I was overheating, however. I've always had a tendency to overheat, which is why my body doesn't respond well to any level of humid air... low, moderate, or high. I pick up on it right away. I remember once, as an adolescent, urinating and seeing steam come out of the toilet bowl. I was mortified. I thought something was terribly wrong with me! Or the one time, in high school, I tried to be a good humanitarian and donate blood to the American Red Cross... but couldn't because I had a temperature. I sat there for about 45 minutes eating free cookies and sucking down several small boxes of cold grape juice, a desperate bid to lower my temperature... to no avail. I still had a slight temperature. And the woman who took my temperature shrugged and said, "Sorry, we can't allow you to give blood." "But I'm not sick!" I exclaimed. Dejected, I shuffled out of auditorium, jealous of the people walking around school that day with I Gave Blood stickers worn proudly on their shirts. I felt like a rejected applicant from an exclusive club.
Today my body heat overwhelmed me. I sweated, I fanned myself, I splashed cold water on my face, stuck my head underneath the powerful new hand dryer installed in the restroom at work. Nothing. Seems the older I get, the hotter I feel. I am NOT looking forward to menopause.
Anysteam, while on the bus ride home, I sat directly in front of a woman who yapped on her mobile phone incessantly and loudly. Which only exacerbated my body's rising temperature- (perhaps this was psychological, but the more agitated I grew by this woman's intrusive behavior on my solitude, I swear the hotter I became)- I hastily stuck my ear buds in and turned up the music uploaded on my cell phone's mp3 player. I felt triumphant... until a warm cloud of toxic air wafted up front and bitch-slapped me on my left cheek.
Not only was the woman running her gob loudly right behind me ... but her breath reeked of a pile of hot, steaming shit. No other way to describe it. Suddenly the chocolate and coffee cheese cake I scarfed down from the Cheesecake Factory right before leaving work, started rumbling in the pit of my stomach and threatened to spew forth, like brown tidal wave all over the guy nursing his crutches in front of me. Fortunately I choked it down and held it together. Thoughts of Scwhepps Ginger Ale and hot chai tea danced in my head.
Finally Dragon Breath got ended her conversation and got off the bus. Those were the longest ten minutes I've ever had to endure.
On a totally separate and unrelated note, I'm interested in reading this book...