Coffee Rhetoric: Delusions of Grandeur

August 17, 2007

Delusions of Grandeur

I'm someone to aspire to or towards rather. Who knew? All this time, I've been lamenting over having the worst karma of anybody in the nation, only to learn that someone considers me a gem. See, this morning I lugged a backpack, my tote bag, my sunglasses, and a cup of coffee down the street. A balancing act I struggled to conquer and win. I fought to open and then put on my shades with one free hand. I finally had to stop in order to accomplish that particular task, because I kept jabbing myself in the eye and mouth with said shades' handles. Needless to say, I made it up the street to the bus stop, shades on face and coffee still in-tow. I won the battle. Not a drop of hot coffee seared its way through my slacks, burning my ample thigh. I felt triumphant. Anyway, two other men were standing there when I approached the stop. One of them greeted me (before telling his partner to "look out" under his breath so he would move out of his and my way so as not to er block?), "Hello beautiful, how are you this morning?" I responded by mumbling "Good morning" with something akin to a smile, but was more like a sneer. Either way, it sufficed. I stood a couple of feet away from the men, and because I'm not particularly fond of myself, I listened to my greeter talking rather loudly to his acquaintance (and also cursed myself for forgetting my MP3 player at work) ...
"...Yeah, yeah. I was wondering what happened to you! I didn't see you at work for the past couple of dayz! Yeah..."
I couldn't hear what dude numero dos was mumbling, because my ambitious greeter proceeded to hijack the discussion, blithering away rather boisterously. He continued...
"Yeah, yeah, yeah! I'm trying to get me a little something better. Trying to find me a job so I can get me a little something like that. (juts his chin in my direction) Here what I'm sayin'?"
*sigh* I didn't hear dude numero dos's response. I was just glad to see my bus making its way down the street. I honestly didn't know whether to feel flattered, amused, or disturbed. It's official. I have DOUCHE MAMA stamped on my forehead. No amount of exfoliating will remove it, or so it seems.