Coffee Rhetoric: Bwhahaha, Joke's on you!

April 01, 2007

Bwhahaha, Joke's on you!

*sigh* It's April Fools Day and I've nary a soul to play a cruel, unusual, and funnier than all hell, practical joke on. I used to be the QUEEN of practical jokes. My pranks were thoughtful, well contrived, methodical, and they cut to the bone and marrow like razor sharp teeth. I miss doing that. I miss the rush, of seeing someone's reaction... I remember the time, in high school, I believe it was senior year... I purchased a copy of The Joy of Sex at the bookstore, giggling and cackling all the way up to the counter, with the accessory to my crime nodding her approval, as the cashier looked from us to the book suspiciously, before ringing the purchase. Oh, that book. I packaged it and had it Fed Ex-ed to the intended's homeroom. I made one other person aware of my plan, for she was in that same homeroom, and I needed someone to report details back to me. I swore her to secrecy, threatening to beat her over the head with a shovel, if she spilled. She agreed, and so the plan was on. Oh, was that the talk of the day amongst the student body and the faculty! Who sent that book to... we'll call him... Charlton? According to my spy, once delivered, the parcel was received by his homeroom teacher, who handed it to him. Because Charlton thought it was from a prospective college, he thought nothing of ripping it open in front of his peers. Much to their shock and amusement it was a comprehensive guide to sexual pleasures, unimagined. Pure and unbridled sexing, explained, illustrated, and bound into a wondrous manual. People racked their brains, trying to figure out who sent Charlton that book! My art teacher opined that the sketches were very well done, and that he admired the painstaking artistry put forth on every page. People chattered about it on the bus... as I sat there, shaking my head... wondering and speculating right along with them... about who may've sent the book, shooting a warning look at the spy I confided in earlier that morning, to keep her mouth shut. Ahhhh, good times. While that was one of my favorite pranks I ever perpetrated, the funniest had to be in college. When Cat and I wallpapered the campus with fliers we made, drunk off wine, in the late hours of the evening, of a rather annoying and smug Italian exchange student, named Mauro. Complete with a paragraph... translated into Italian... about how he was lonely and needed some companionship... and that he was indeed the quintessential Italian Stallion... and then his phone number where he could be reached. Oh, I felt bad, when Mauro sat across from us at brunch, and lamented over the many prank calls he received all the week. And how he wanted to know who would do such a thing. It was all I could do, not to choke up my omelet, because the peels of laughter I successfully kept at bay kept trying to make their way up and out my throat. Oh, that was the day. Because we relished sitting across from him, watching him sweat. Or the time Cat and I trashed a hall director's (named Rumi) apartment, because he had been abusing his hall director's privileges and sneaking into our rooms, helping himself to CDs, food, utensils, and the like. Oh, we got him good. We booby trapped his door, and had New Kids on The Block's "Step by Step" (a classic), playing on repeat, as we watched from the shadows, him enter his apartment ... Man that was great. I came out of retirement to play that well-deserved joke. Anyway, Happy April Fools Day. Enjoy it!