Well, happy New Year. 2004 has come and gone. Nothing extraordinary, just lots of political mayhem, a year chock full of stupid celebrity missteps (narcissistic, attention starved jerks... who cares), war(everyone cares), politics (cares), and Paris Hilton(who gives a flying fuck, now that's hot bitch). I would like to take this moment to recongize my deceased hamster, by the way. Snowbell was loved. I will miss her. She didn't make it to this New Year unfortunately. Dying last Thursday... R.I.P. Snowbell. Now, on to the drunken debauchery. I spent New Year's Eve in Boston, Mass. Somerville to be exact... visiting the Notorious C.A.T. The bus was freakin' PIZACKED, and you know what a packed bus means... yes, weird B.O. Some woman needed to get to Worcester and there weren't enough seats on the bus. They had another bus on hand, but unfortunately it was stopping in Worcester, and was enroute to Springfield before reaching Boston. I willingly... okay- reluctantly at first... gave up my seat, agreeing to transfer in Springfield, which would have added an additional 30 minutes to my trip. Not a huge deal. Besides, the bus people made it worth my while by giving me a free ticket to Boston to use anytime I want, they were so grateful. They thanked me enough so that I wasn't annoyed that Worcester Bitch didn't bother to. Needless to say, the Boston/Springfield bus had a lot less people on it and I had a seat to myself, so I was pleased. So I get to Boston... Cat calls me and tells me that she will be half an hour late picking me up for some reason or other, so I wait in the bus station an additional 30 minutes... sitting next to some irritating bitch who complained on her cell phone to any and all who'd listen, and loudly too, that her bus broke down and that she was eating dinner because she was sooo starved. Newsflash annoying cell phone people, keep your fucking conversations to yourselves. The general populace could give a rat's ass. Anyway, so Cat shows up, we head out to the subway and the moment we stepped into her apartment, we started drinking. I believe the conversation Cat and I had prior to my visit went a little something like this... Cat: Dude, I wanna get trashed. I have like 7 bottles of wine and some Perseco (or whatever champagne she said she had). We will get soo trashed. Me: Sweet! I can't wait! Let me add that I also brought a bottle of sparkling wine... some French Chardonnay to heap on to the planned drunken shenanigans. This is what we started with. We ate a pizza, we drank like two bottles of wine in addition to the Fizzy stuff, we freshened up, and we went out. We went to a place in Somerville called, Sabor... we drank some more. We went to a hip bar/restaurant called The Enormous Room I don't know too much about the food, as we went there to drink, you see. It is here, in is this nondescript place that Cat and I lost our equilibrium. We drank and drank and drank. Our barmaiden/waitress... tall and clad in all black with fishnet stockings and thick heeled calf boots liked us enough to heap a couple of free drinks "oh her" onto the damage that was already done. We drank and we drank. Everything started to become a haze in this dark room full of hipsters and a couple of tools. We drank, I talked animatedly to the point where my large hoop earring fell off. And this gave some unattractive dude with receding hair the encouragement he needed to slide over and harrass Cat the whole night. ... tee hee. Then two other annoying guys, who wouldn't fuck off just kept stalking us the whole evening. We kept getting up and waiting it out by the bathrooms, drinking more since the bar was on the way, but there they continued to sit. They gave up... we went back to our spots, they came back, and so the night continued on like this. This horrible dance of us trying to elude them and them not going away! Guys, get a clue. If a girl doesn't like you, move the fuck on, there're tons of others to choose from. GOSH! Anyway, we'd escape tools 1 and 2 only to run into Receding Hair Dude. Ay yi yi. By that point, Cat and I were smashed. The only thing I remember after that is coming out of the bathroom, and Fishnetted Barmaid telling me "Your friend is downstairs, the manager is taking care of her, she'll be fine." I'm like "huh, wha'?" I was confused, I was drunk, I was in a purple haze. I remember Cat coming up from the depth of this Enormous Room and the waitress rubbing her back in a soothing way... I remember Cat slurring that she wanted the bill and not being able to stand up straight enough to get her card, so I did it for her... I remember the waitress saying "No no no" and me saying, "Oh yes yes yes, and take 15% for yourself" before sending her off... I remember Cat scribbling her name on the receipt... the waitress giving me some carbonated water to hold for Cat before the two of us stumbled over to find the 2 tools STILL fucking sitting there waiting and hoping to hook up. By then we were far gone and just ignored the two jerks. Tool 1 on Cat's right had the nerve to ask me, "Does she not want to talk to me?" I said, '"Man, fuck off we're wasted." Yet there they sat. I remember Receding hair looming over us before I flipped him the bird and he skulked off... and lastly I remember Fishnets prying our fingers open and pushing glasses of champagne in our hands... and hulking bodies yelling 5, 4, 3, 2, 1!!! Before I sorta blacked out. Then we were outside and in a cab. This is all I remember folks. Cat claims I yelled at the cabdriver because he was trying to take advantage of us. I don't remember. I can, however, vouch for the fact that I woke up, fully clothed, on the floor. I sat up, smacked a couple of times due to the grainy taste in my mouth, peeled myself off of the floor and stumbled to the kitchen for water... I saw my old Gap coat in the sink, wondered why it was there, and saw vomit on it!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHohhhhhmyGODDESS. I didn't have vomit on my clothes, so Cat and I determined it was her vomit. fuck fuck fuck. SO glad I don't remember being hurled on. There was a large vomit stain on the floor (two feet away from my foot, where I was laying), also courtesy of Cat. Apparently one of us had tried to scrub it up (probably me), and left the rag in the midst of the bile before passing out. I have never ever been this trashed in my whole entire life... it was wicked! Cat and I went for brunch and tried to piece together the previous night's events. To no avail, really. Next time found us behaving ourselves and going to Wally's Jazz Cafe. Cat, her friend and co-worker Julie and I. We had a good time, stuck to a couple of drinks and enjoyed a stellar jazz band. Love this place. This is a REAL jazz joop joint and I encourage anybody reading this blog to go there upon visiting Boston, Mass. Sunday was pretty mellow. Cat went to get electrolysis for her non-existent beard, her brother hung out with us, we went to this cafe called, Ciao Bella and had some coffee and in-between all this drunken mayhem we managed to watch Napolean Dynamite and some sick sick ass French Film called "Twentynine Palms" ...um, pass on this fucking movie folks.... in addition to another weird French import called, "The Life of Jesus" which has absolutely nothing to do with the man upstairs. Sooo, fortunately for me, I had Monday off, and took a couple of days to detox. It's been green tea and water since this wild New Year's weekend! Welcome 2005... 2004, I never knew ya!