Fais-moi une pipe

So... Where to start? Labor Day weekend was pretty productive. Cat (mon meilleur ami) came down from Somerville Friday evening and stayed through Tuesday morning. A blast was had by both. Of course we drank our way through Labor Day weekend. We went to Pastis to listen to some live jazz and to meet up with our cool-as-an-ocean-breeze friend Ruth... who teaches at Miss Porter's School and who is about to get married. We had a couple of drinks and caught up on some gossip and shit. It rocked, but of course before heading on down to Pastis at 9pm, Cat and I "warmed up" with some red wine. Afterwards, Cat and I sauntered on back to my apartment where we talked some more shit, and I think we watched a movie. Nothing huge to report. Saturday, unfortunately, I had to work. I could not get that fucking day off... god blessed that sucked! In any event, I woke Cat up early and begged her to come down to work with me... where I made her do some stuff. I'm assuming this did not bode well with her, because later on that afternoon, Your Skinniness dryly said, "I'm going for a walk"... whaateverrrr. hahaha. Anyway, the work day finally over and done with, we walked down in the sultry heat to Ichiban, my favorite Japanese & Korean combo restaurant. It's better to order from the "Korean" portion of the menu, because you get hella cool appetizers for free to start. Yummy little platters of kimchi, seaweed salad, fishcake and aperitifs of the like. We also decided to get a Sake Martini, at the waiter's suggestion.'Twas yummy... what can I say. Full and sated, we went back to my apartment to chart our next move... I think we went out drinking somewhere else or we may've watched some dvds... I can't recall, but it was fun, as was Sunday, because I actually did not have to work. I think we went to um... shit, I don't remember WHAT the hell we did on Sunday, dvds I think. Monday the small city was fucking dead and virtually every venue was closed! After roaming around angry and confused, we opted to go to one of the FEW places that was open, this Restaurant/bar called Red Plate. Seated and happy to be somewhere, Cat and I decided to start with some beers... I had a Guinness and Cat had a Magic Hat I believe. After consuming our libations, we decided to get a little something to eat... Cat had a rather large slice of Pepperoni Pizza and I believe I had a small cup of cheese tortellini soup w/ a side of Vanilla Creme Brulee. Creme Brulee is my absolute favorite dessert. The intensely attractive Asian waiter asked me if I wanted the soup and dessert together ... I said "yes"... but I'm guessing he decided I shouldn't, because he didn't bring me my damn creme brulee until AFTER I had consumed my soup. Afterward, we had another drink... I, a glass of red wine and Cat another beer. We became preoccupied with this one woman who was seated at the bar. She kept on abandoning her full glass of red wine. It always concerns me when I think someone's about to blow w/out having finished their drink. Much to my relief... she came back, but she kept on leaving. She became even more trusting, and popped up and outside again... this time leaving her damn PURSE neglected and alone, on the bar. Red Plate had a smattering of people initially, but then it started to fill up, so this probably wasn't a wise idea on her part. After having consumed our small meals, Slim and I decided to park it outside. The humidity was less harsher than Saturday's and it was quite pleasant out. Of course we watched dudes passing by and shit... we gave constructive criticism on their outfits and what have you... I assure you... it was CONSTRUCTIVE. Anyway, Cat was one drink behind me... I had already consumed like 2 or three already. I think I was like on my second glass of wine or something and I needed her to catch up. Seated two tables away from us was a bawdy trio... two chicks and a guy (about college age.) The girls were fucking three sheets to the wind already. It took them a decade and an additional year to figure out how to divide the $124.00 tab they'd racked up... a good bulk of that cash probably went towards drinks. I was jealous... I was only tipsy and not feeling bawdy at all. At this point, Cat was in the restroom. I overheard one of the girls saying she wanted a shot of Swedish Fish. Just as Cat came out of the rest room, Hot Instense Waiter guy came out balancing the three shots in his hands. We were definitely curious... so we asked him what kind of shots they were... He said, "Swedish Fish" as in the gummy candied delights. I think this is the idea the drink was trying to convey. I asked him if the drink was exclusive to Red Plate... and he said no, that most bartenders in the area and beyond should know how to make it. He asked us if we wanted to try one... I said no, because I was already 1 or 2 drinks ahead of Cat... she said yes... Hottie brought out the second one for free anyway! He said it wasn't good for a person to drink a shot alone. The Swedish Fish was good... I was sold... this is my new favorite shot... 'nuff said. Walking along in the late afternoon... (we were both tipsy at this point) we were cruising for some more places to pop a squat in, on our way to see if this one Italian restaurant and bar were open, I couldn't help but notice a rather portly couple parked and going at it in a tan jeep. I wanted to be CERTAIN that I was seeing correctly... so I put my dark shades on and Cat and I decided to investigate... I mean, we had to be sure we were seeing what we were seeing... and after circling the block again... yes... we were seeing what we were seeing. I mean, they were getting hot and heeeavvvy! The guy was pawing at the woman's pants and all. Interesting. I wanted to stay and watch, but Cat said it probably wasn't such a good idea. Hey, it's not like they would've noticed or anything. Anyhoo... On the way back to my apartment... we happened upon what's called, "Pig's Eye Pub" They Looked open, so we moseyed on up. There was less than a handful of people inside... some people were on the patio... in any event, they were offering $2.00 drafts! This included everything on tap... not the piss water either... they had BlueMoon, Magic Hat, and even Guinness... so needless to say, we sat at the bar, had a few beers, cracked some peanuts, and then somewhere in-between, a shot of Swedish Fish. I couldn't help but note that the shot glasses were bigger. "We don't fuck around in here!" was how the bartender responded. Had to toast and slam to that! He also saw my peanut shells daintily piled on a napkin... he said, "Hey, just throw those shells on the floor. You know why? Because I don't have to clean them up." smirk smirk. Cat and I shrugged and then dumped the shit on the floor. Oh what a great night. Shortly thereafter, the place started to fill up. After my third bathroom break, I came back to find some sack-wrangler sitting in my damn seat! It's like, HELLO ASSHOLE... didn't you see my BEER sitting there. Cat moved it, and gave the guy the cold shoulder by calling her bro on her cell. He didn't like this, so he slammed his beer and left... whoo hooo! good. Soooo, after this foray, Cat and I stumbled home into the night, happy and full of drink. $2.00 drafts... still can't believe it. By the way, I had this strange, strange dream the other night about some phantom squirrel who kept on coming into my apartment and tormenting me. I wrote it down in my dream journal and will transcribe it here onto my blog. I have some fucking bizzarro dreams. Not surprising if you know me real well. By the way, I talked about the guy "S" that Cat was smitten with during her last visit and who appeared to be smitten with her... well that shit is dead in the water. I cannot stand wishy washy people who bullshit you into thinking they're interested. Anyway, his loss. Throw him in a pile with the rest of the Retardation Nation. Baise Toi, man! Baise Toi. Speaking of French... learned a cool new French phrase. It blows "Voulez vous coucher avec mois" right outta the water... It's "Fais-moi une pipe!" Gimmie a blow job! Love it. Gotta love those dirty little "arthouse" french films. They're also a good learning tool. I know I've learned some really significant French phrases. ciao! P.S. I remember what we did Sunday evening. We went across the street to this restaurant/bar called "Hot Tomatos" and had drinks. Mine was wicked! I was really tall and was almost like parfait or something... everyone was sooo jealous. A huge hush fell on the bar as the bartendress handed me my pretty drink. It looked like one of those Bomb ice pops you get at the ice cream truck... where the top is red, the middle is white and the bottom is blue. It was good! Somewhere in-between I had a chocolate martini or something. ...

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